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Thursday, 6 May 2010

May 6th

So here I am - 2:30 on election day morning, having not eaten any solid food since 7 o'clock on Monday night (easy for some of you, perhaps - I'm almost 16 bloody stone! I'm used to eating every hour or so!), and have just finished writing all 49 pages of my dissertation, ready to be printed out and handed in tomorrow (well, actually, later today). And guess what? The day when I'm possibly least capable of making an intelligent blog post just happens to be the day when everything is happening! So, let's get this over with fast, before I pass out:


ELECTION

People tell me that if I don't vote, I won't have any right to complain if a party I don't like gets in. What I have to say is this: What the fuck do I do if I do end up voting, and the party I vote for gets in and screws things up even worse than they are now? Then not only can I not complain, but it's also MY FAULT! On the strength of this, I will not be voting later today (So sue me). Well, that and the fact that I have to hand in my dissertation here in portsmouth, but would have to get to Devon to vote, and haven't arranged a Proxy vote. And since I'm also going to Cambridge on Friday, that would just be a ridiculous amount of travelling for such a lazy person...

What I do have to say about the election, however, is this: LABOUR SUPPORTERS ARE BASTARDS WHO STOLE MY IDEA!

Now, first of all, I should apologize, and state that I do not hate all Labour supporters out of principle (since the only registered follower on here has stated he intends to vote Labour. That reminds me - if you're reading this and have a Google account - become a follower! I must amass an army for my battle against Bob Geldoff! More on that later... And if you don't have an account - sign up! It's free!. Anyway...), but the fact is; I came up with the idea of using celebrities to secure votes in the election a whole 2 weeks ago - and that's why I was pissed off to see this:




Now, admittedly, one of the reasons I was so pissed off was because I spent so long making my posters, and they're no where near as good by comparison. But I'm also annoyed because they stole my idea, the bastards! I would threaten to not vote Labour, but since I've already stated I won't be voting anyway (who needs the responsibility? It's not as if I have great power to go with it...), that seems kind of pointless. Instead, I shall just say this: FUCK YOU LABOUR!




MOVIES

In the past month, I have written 3 articles which were little more than rants about how much I hate N-DUBZ. 2 of these have so far been published (1 & 2). Now, admittedly, this style of article is a lot more fun to write, because rants are fun, right? The problem is: This is meant to be a review site, and in the last month, I have posted only 1 movie review. That means I have devoted twice the amount of time to N-DUBZ that I have to the site's original purpose. Now, since the Hurt Locker, I have also been to see "Kick-Ass", and have watched "Avatar". Not to mention watching some old school Vin Diesel with "Pitch Black" and "xXx" - all of which are ripe for reviewing (not to mention Harold and Kumar!). However, I am unfortunately at the point in the year where most of my energy is being expended writing essays and dissertations, and after this period will, unfortunately, be straight into exams (starting on May 17th). Alas, this makes it unlikely that I will be able to review these films until my exams are over - unless I take some time out like now to just write up Mini-Reviews, as I did for the Seagal films. So, look out for those, but don't be disappointed if I don't post them, cos I'm a very busy mother 'ucker (and no, I haven't forgotten I promised to review "Street Kings" and "Kurt and Courtney" about 3 months ago, but as I said: BUSY!!!)




GAMING

Big news on the gaming front (and not just that I've finally gotten past level 6 on Manhunt - I'm now on the second Smileys' mission - which must be mission 11 or something. But I am playing on Hardcore...) - they've made a game version of House, M.D., which I have screenshots for. And guess what? House looks terrifying!



If you just thought "My God - He looks like a rapist!" then congratulations - you're completely unoriginal. Here's a selection of comments on the Facebook page for "House, M.D." (I'm a fan, naturally). These are all real people, incidentally. If you have Facebook, you can see for yourself HERE. If you don't - congratulations; you either have much more of a life than me, or you're so old-school you're still on Bebo or myspace. Nice.


Quotes


"uh..wow I love House but that's a little creepy looking!" - Melanie

"HOUSE HAS A RAPE FACE" - Jonathan

"House looks like he's about to stick it up your ass, whether you want it or not." - Christopher

"if u don't repost this on 7 other Facebook profles in the next 2 minutes, u will b visited by a Ghost tonight who will murdre you! OMG, I didnt wont 2 do this, but i'm 2 scared its tru!" - Idiot Spammer

"Man, this is the hottest virtual porn I've ever seen! It's almost as hot as listening to Michael Ironside's Voice!" - Me.

Wait! Scrap that last one... That's probably more appropriate for this pic:


Oh, man - I can't get enough of animated chicks with dead eyes wearing really bad wigs!

Now, I'm not sure if the Game's animators ever watched the TV show, but it strikes me as being a little odd that whilst House has brown hair (not grey) and looks distinctly younger, and Wilson looks as skinny and baby-faced as he did in Season 1 of the show, before he became insanely depressed, Cameron has Blonde hair (which she only has from Season 4 onwards on the show), and 13 is in it (13 was too busy making The OC before Season 4 of House. Seriously):


Do these graphics remind anyone else of "A Scanner Darkly"? Man, what an awesome movie that was!

I have also learnt that none of the original cast are lending their voice talents to this game, which makes me wary of it. Still, the Scarface game was good, so there's hope for it yet...


Stare at this image whilst listening to "Battle Without Honour or Humanity" from the Kill Bill soundtrack, and it becomes AWESOME! Just like this video of a kitten:



Wow, that video's cheered me up so much, I actually want to live now.



LANCE HENRIKSEN

Is now 70. Where's my fucking MillenniuM movie?



"I'll make it when we're done filming Alien vs Predator vs Agent Cody Banks, Douchebag!"


BOB GELDOFF

Watching an old episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks on iPlayer, I heard a joke about Michael Hutchence, the singer from INXS, and decided to read up about him. turns out, not only did he commit suicide after having been on the phone to that prick Bob Geldoff (a man I already disliked for calling Russell Brand a Cunt. Russell Brand's done a lot more with his life than you, Bob! All you've done is turn dying people in Africa into a money making machine you prick!), who was berating him for getting with his ex-wife, implying that Geldoff possibly drove Hutchence to suicide, but after Hutchence's girlfriend (Bob's ex-wife) died, Geldoff filed for custody of Hutchences daughter (who he was in no way related to), and refused to let her real family (Hutchence's parents and siblings) even see her. Congratulations, Bob - you're a douchebag.


Yeah, I can see why he won the custody battle - after all, he looks enough like a sex offender to be a priest. WHHOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Even Bob's best mate Bono wrote a song about what he wished he'd said to Hutchence before he killed himself, because he missed him so much:




In light of this discovery, I am hereby placing a bounty of 1 pint of skimmed Milk on Bob Geldoff's head!



Sexy, sexy Milk.


The more gruesome his death, the better! I think I have actually found a celebrity I hate more than Roman Polanski who isn't Dappy (had to get the reference in somewhere)


This is too lenient. For ANY of the three I mentioned.

You know what? A gallon of Milk on the heads of Dappy, Polanski, and Bob Geldoff! Just think, I everyone agrees to chip in a Gallon, pretty soon it'll actually become worth someone's while killing them, and the world will be a much better place. Just a thought... have a good election day, people! It is now 4:24 - my computer crashed 4 times whilst I was trying to write this article, so you'd better appreciate it!



Voice

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