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Thursday, 24 February 2011

A Letter to 'The Times' From an Outraged Reader

The Times Customer Services
1 Virginia Street
E98 1RL

Dear Sir,

I have been an avid reader of your Newspaper for some years now, picking up a copy every time someone left one on a train I was travelling on and I had nothing else to do other than read it.

Unfortunately, on February 12th of this year, I stumbled upon one of the most outrageous claims I have ever seen made in a Newspaper, and I just cannot let such an affront slide.

In her article "In 2011 why do our dreams turn to Silicone?" (I would link it, but since you insist on charging a pound for the priviledge of using your online article archive, I shan't - find it yourself), your columnist Janice Turner made a comment stating that:

Many young black girls are being forced into dangerous surgical procedures which can seriously harm or kill them just because they want to star as 'Hip-Hop Honeys' in the background of rap videos, a job which requires them to look, as Beyonce coined it, 'Bootylicious'.

How dare you publish such an ill-educated, outrageous and frankly wrong statement in your paper? I was so insulted by this article that I made a point of informing my Solicitor of my intent to sue you for the damage it has caused to the reputations of those involved. Everyone involved in the Hip Hop scene knows Ms Turners statements to be untrue, and a libelous, disgusting bastardisation of the truth, dreamt up by a woman desperate to sell a newspaper, and so intent on doing so she would slip in whatever sensationalist exploitation she could get away with. Everyone who knows anything about Hip Hop knows that the term 'Bootylicious' was in fact coined by Snoop Dogg in 1992 with the song "Fuck Wit' Dre Day", a full 9 years before Beyonce (actually recording with 'Destiny's Child', by the way) ever used the term. You will find attached a link to the Wikipedia Page for both songs, as well as a link to the lyrics for "Fuck Wit' Dre Day". Please see to it that tomorrow's copy of the paper issues a full retraction of Ms Turner's article, and have Ms Turner write a full apology to her readers to run in next Saturday's copy of "The Times".

I advise you to stop Fuckin' Wit' Dre Day.

Yours Sincerely

The Voice From the Pillow



1 comment:

  1. Wow, hilariously it seems Janice Turner didn't write her comment this week. Coincidence???

    Actually, it's because she was commenting on that fashion designer's case instead - the one who's been arrested for allegedly making racist remarks. It's clearly bullshit, though - the guy accused him of saying "you Asian bastard, I'll kill you!". He's from South London, there's no way he would have said "Asian" if he was actually making a racist remark - he would have said "Paki" (even if the guy was actually Indian or Persian, etc.), so I can't see this case actually going anywhere...