tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88270109642681126412024-03-14T17:49:40.032+00:00Voice From the PillowMusings and reviews on Music, Games, Films and life.Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-21390775413127322042012-06-01T01:44:00.002+01:002012-06-01T01:56:49.367+01:00An Official Apology<br />
I said something in my discussion of Les Miserables (2012) that I deeply regret. No, I'm not referring to the fact that I would cast Roger Allam over the far superior singer Philip Quast, because I still maintain that Allam would be right for the part (though, you know, if they were going to insist on casting an Australian...). Nor am I referring to the fact I stated Lea Salonga was an inferior Eponine to Frances Ruffelle. Am I not referring, either, to the fact that I made a rather cruel fat joke about Adele without any provocation whatsoever. I'm not even referring to the fact that I suggest they make a movie about moot with Nick Jonas playing W.T. Snacks. No, the thing I regret saying is far, far more serious, and I only hope I can be forgiven.<br />
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In my review, I referred to Samantha Barks as "Kinda hot, in a British way". How stupid do I look after seeing the half-second clip of her in the<a href="http://www.imdb.com/list/2xiKoHfupQY/#play-all"> teaser Trailer</a> for the film that was released today?<br />
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We've had a few hot British girls who have done the rounds as the objects of male fantasies worldwide, from Kiera Knightly to Emma Watson to Carey Mulligan, and I'm officially calling it now: Samantha Barks is next. The girl is absolutely gorgeous. Now I'm torn between which member of the Les Mis cast I'd have sex with if given the choice - because I might actually be tempted to pick Ms Barks over Hadley Fraser...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjU5XntjQKdZobdS1T_1A1TV7fUB8Pf61eUns8opIaIYhRw-Wa-6Ca2kJg2CM8AM3v4QGiMFEMcDNSK-9q1E9tdNOz4FVMG85IFartaDO1Gp8sbD7-rUX1DcCj_16la-WuNG9LfrzNTg1L/s1600/Hadley.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjU5XntjQKdZobdS1T_1A1TV7fUB8Pf61eUns8opIaIYhRw-Wa-6Ca2kJg2CM8AM3v4QGiMFEMcDNSK-9q1E9tdNOz4FVMG85IFartaDO1Gp8sbD7-rUX1DcCj_16la-WuNG9LfrzNTg1L/s400/Hadley.png" width="265" /></a></div>
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<i>I think I'd shag Hadley, marry Sam, and go on the Cruise with Ramin... And yes, I am aware the whole point of that game is that someone else picks the people in question, but fuck you, because that someone is Cameron Mackintosh.</i></div>
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Of course, maybe she's not that attractive and it's all down to the fact that I haven't fapped in 37 days now (don't ask) and find every moderately pretty woman obscenely attractive - but I doubt it. After all, I didn't start drooling at the sight of her American co-stars (which is especially odd, since I always used to find Anne Hathaway attractive when she was younger. Maybe my subconscious is making her appear ugly so when she helps destroy the batman franchise I won't mind so much? Not that Nolan needs much help, mind you, given his obsession with bad twist endings...). But whatever the reason, it's irrelevant. This scene is going to be even better than the rainy scene in Spiderman, and I'm actually planning on catching the movie now solely because of this. Oh, and the fact that I'll get to hear Hadley Fraser's sexy voice as the National Guard...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbefTR4peHiN_BtgbjhUHlZmU-fKe02V-LaVqgcOJGKc9A7FFNoKrIqaoEQPh5-ZlW6nM194XyAql0XVSNe6XdTLPn9wZ09sU-Q6tY029FnTkti52T0bXQ8Y3nPL5g9cAnfxP4IRNFkp99/s1600/Hadley+Fraser+Contact.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="364" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbefTR4peHiN_BtgbjhUHlZmU-fKe02V-LaVqgcOJGKc9A7FFNoKrIqaoEQPh5-ZlW6nM194XyAql0XVSNe6XdTLPn9wZ09sU-Q6tY029FnTkti52T0bXQ8Y3nPL5g9cAnfxP4IRNFkp99/s640/Hadley+Fraser+Contact.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>I'm sure he's already regretting putting his personal email address on his website... and, you know, publishing exactly where he's going to be every weeknight until June 16th...</i></div>
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On another note, I should probably apologize for suggesting in<a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/deckard-is-not-replicant-deal-with-it.html?showComment=1337888272971#c991446727573161325"> my Blade Runner blog post</a> that Zhora was the Pleasure Model of replicant, when in fact it was Pris that was the Pleasure Model. Thank you to "Anonymous" for pointing this out to me - I guess I need to watch the fucking movie again.</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-71474883932970610232012-06-01T01:44:00.001+01:002012-06-01T01:44:09.958+01:00Ramin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Holy shit - I mentioned sort of off-handedly in my discussion of Les Miserables that they should have cast Ramin Karimloo as Enjolras because he was fantastic in the 25th Anniversary edition, but I hadn't realized at the time that for him that was somewhat of an under-performance. In the run up to my seeing Hadley Fraser on the West End last week, I not only watched the 25th Anniversary edition of Phantom of the Opera, but also surfed around on YouTube for videos of Fraser as Javert, both of which resulted in my hearing Ramin giving fantastic performances also (Ramin having played both the Phantom and Valjean opposite Fraser). But I didn't truly appreciate Karimloo's genius until this very moment - listening to his brand new album, titled simply "Ramin". From the very first song, I knew this album was going to be incredible - it's not recorded in the style of, say, "Alfie" - an album on which the singer is very much centre-stage, and is designed to simply show off their voice. It has instead been recorded as though it were a regular pop album, with emphasis on the music as a whole. Not only this, but whilst most albums by other stars such as Alfie Boe or John Owen Jones contain the singers doing covers of popular songs (often from the shows they have been in), Karimloo's album contains 4 songs written by himself, showing off his talent as a writer as well as a performer. These tracks are outstanding, and I'm now seriously considering trying to catch Sheytoons in concert the next time they play, on the assumption that if his solo work is this good, his band must be absolutely incredible. His interpretations of classic songs are also brilliant, with his new take on Music of the Night being particularly memorable, and most of the other songs on the album also being at an amazingly high standard (There are 4 tracks which aren't by Karimloo which I'm not sure of the source of, but if they are originals, then fuck me this album has 8 brilliant original songs, and 4 great covers). His new interpretations of rock/pop songs are also as great as his new spin on tracks from musicals (though, I should probably watch "Love Never Dies" before I can compare Ramin's cover of "Til I Hear You Sing" to anything), with his version of "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams being particularly enjoyable, but his cover of "Guiding Light" also being outstanding. If you're like me and not massively knowledgeable on music (odd statement, given what this site is dedicated to, I know), I honestly think you will prefer this album to most other albums by great solo-singers, because it just has the feeling of something you can listen to in any circumstance and enjoy - the way all the songs seem to tie in, with enough variation to each be unique and interesting, but with enough similarity to pull the album together nicely, is also great, and the songs on the album were clearly picked for this reason. In fact, it works so well I'm willing to completely forgive the fact that he didn't record a single track from Les Miserables. I would certainly recommend this album, as it's one of the best I've bought recently, and I'm now really looking forward to the release of Sheytoons' first album (as well as Hadley Fraser's solo debut, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves).<br />
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<i>He's far too busy growing pretentious beards to be wasting time in a studio...</i></div>
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Now, just in case this isn't a manly enough post for me to put on my Blog, I'm off to watch "Klitschko", and watch some faces get severely punched in...Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-50128108046902069872012-04-02T04:03:00.001+01:002012-04-02T04:03:53.515+01:00Untraceable (2008)So, whilst looking for the opening picture for my Dead Silence review, I came across <a href="http://tomsfilms.wordpress.com/">another review site</a> (which I naturally stole the image from), which seems to have been reviewing a few Horror films lately. The remake of Straw Dogs was on there, as was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and The Woman in Black (the reason I watched "Dead Silence" last night, in fact, because whilst discussing that film with a group of people, we got onto other scary movies and I asked my brother "what's that scary film with all the dolls with Donnie Wahlberg in?" and he told me straight away "Dead Silence" so I went out and bought it. and by "went out" I mean "ordered online" because I'm an aspie), but so was a review for a film I hadn't heard of before, named "Untraceable", also starring a 2nd Lt from Band of Brothers.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWv20ySy68JAl61F_0kkJvEQVucTKLn1qS68E8jeKVyLY4pfxAe-tscwyzBMg2sCRU5vwlF7OiTfeWlTyeVLoKWQcbd50oUOrTgY8eI8oaLV3nNRvDVnp4QdtYJxggBahoP7pKZMGM7qVh/s1600/Colin-Hanks-Band-of-Brothers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWv20ySy68JAl61F_0kkJvEQVucTKLn1qS68E8jeKVyLY4pfxAe-tscwyzBMg2sCRU5vwlF7OiTfeWlTyeVLoKWQcbd50oUOrTgY8eI8oaLV3nNRvDVnp4QdtYJxggBahoP7pKZMGM7qVh/s400/Colin-Hanks-Band-of-Brothers.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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Now, when I'm working, I don't usually do much more than steal images and get the fuck off peoples' sites. But since this guy is in my line of work also, it felt only proper that I give his reviews the once over, (A) <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/helping-out-my-fellow-bloggers-text.html">to support my fellow bloggers</a> and (B) to judge the competition to see whether it's worth my while continuing to post. So, I took a look at his review of Untraceable, and wouldn't you know it - It's another fucking remake! But you won't hear about that from the producers, no. And IMDB doesn't list anything in either the "trivia" or "connections" sections. Because this movie is a complete rip-off of an episode of the classic TV series MillenniuM.<br />
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Now, just to be fair on Untraceable, I went through the list of writers for both screenplay AND story and checked their other works, just in case it was the MillenniuM guys making a feature film out of their own story - but it fucking wasn't. I even went to Wikipedia to check if there was any controversy over such a blatantly stolen idea, but the only controversy with the production listed is "Several critics viewed the film as hypocritical for indulging in the 'torture porn' it condemns". So, nowhere is it acknowledged this this is not an original story, and yet the plot summary is so close to that the the MillenniuM episode "The Mikado" that it was enough for me to go crazy and start typing this shit out at 3 in the morning.<br />
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Now, I know what you're thinking - it is entirely possible for 2 people to come up with the same idea individually, without being aware of the other's works. I agree, that is entirely true. I once made a short film which featured a scene in which I injected myself with heroin and passed out whilst "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed was playing in the background, oblivious to the fact that Danny Boyle had already done this some 15 years earlier. however, had my short film also featured me falling back into the carpet so it was as though I was looking out at the world from inside a deep hole, before my friend dragged me to the corner outside the hospital because I was ODing, then you could be fairly certain I had stolen the idea from Trainspotting.<br />
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So, let's see how closely linked these two are, shall we? On his <a href="http://tomsfilms.wordpress.com/">Review Blog</a>, "Tom" lists the plot of the film as <br />
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<em>"A secret service agent, Jennifer Marsh, gets caught in a very personal and deadly cat-and-mouse game with a serial killer who knows that people (being what they are – both curious and drawn to the dark side of things) will log onto an “untraceable” website where he conducts violent and painful murders LIVE on the net. The more people who log on and enter the website, the quicker and more violently the victim dies"</em><br />
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Whereas here is my personal synopsis for "The Mikado" (Season 2):<br />
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<em> "A serial killer, whom Frank has attempted to apprehend once before when he was operating back in the 1970s, sets up numerous untraceable websites, showing females tied to a chair, who are then brutally murdered live on the net when the sites reach the correct number of hits, which is painted on the wall in the background. The killer leaves clues for Frank in each of his web streams, and by the end it becomes a deadly cat-and-mouse game, as Frank attempts to apprehend the mysterious "Avatar", who is always one step ahead of police."</em></blockquote>
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So, we have a personal relationship - Frank knows the killer and has tried to stop him before. A serial killer using untraceable websites, which he uses to host streams of himself killing his victims when the correct number of hits is reached (as the killer knows that people will be drawn to the sites out of morbid curiosity), and it leads to a cat-and-mouse game which becomes almost deadly at the climax. Yep, it's the exact same fucking plot. Not only this, but in the IMDB trivia section for Untraceable, it is revealed that in the climax as Agent Marsh is tracking the killer down, she appears on one of his cameras on the website - something which happens to Frank as well when he is hunting down Avatar (originally set to be named "Omega", incidentally, this idea had to be scrapped when the writers learnt that a large portion of the show's budget came from product placement, including payment from Omega, in exchange for Lance Henriksen wearing one of their watches, who certainly didn't want a serial killer named after their company). <br />
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On Tom's blog, he also refers to the style of the movie Untraceable, saying "<em>it was just like a longer CSI programme</em>". Well, anyone with half a brain (or who is a regular here) can tell you that CSI is simply a rip-off of MillenniuM anyway, simply focussing more on the forensics side as opposed to profiling, and keeping things far more light-hearted, so it doesn't have the depressing after taste of MillenniuM. Basically, cop shows prior to MillenniuM were either cheesy over the top Miami Vice style shows, or proper old-fashioned detective shows like Morse (or featured Dennis Watermann saying "You're nicked you slag!"). All these shows obsessing about new ways to catch criminals, from 'CSI' to 'NCIS' to 'Lie to Me' to whatever the fuck other shows they've brought out that fit this bill, are all based off MillenniuM, since this was the first show to do that.<br />
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There is nothing in what I've read which separates Untraceable from "The Mikado", except I already know which of the two is better written. It just pisses me off so much that people can get away with ripping off an idea from a show, and not even crediting the writers. There was a discussion on IMDB a while back about the overlaps between Natural Born Killers and the X-Files episode "Lazarus". In Lazarus, the bank robber uses the line "No matter what happens, we'll both be looking up at the same stars. You make every day like New Year's Eve." - similar to Mallory's line to Mickey about looking up at the same stars in Natural Born Killers, as well as her line "You Make every day feel like Kindergarten". Then, later in the episode, when the robber describes what he and his wife did on their wedding day, he says "We went down to the beach, and I got out my buck knife, and slashed open my palm, and then I slashed your palm, and we held hands like this, and let the blood run in the ocean." Then he says "We'll be married in all the oceans now". Now, these two lines make me think that either Tarantino or Oliver Stone watched that episode and stole their ideas, and there was less than a year between Lazarus and NBK. So for there to be 10 times the similarities between Untraceable and "The Mikado" that there were here, with the Mikado preceeding Untraceable by a clear 10 years, there is no doubt in my mind that these bastards saw this episode, thought "ha! no-one watched that show! we'll steal the plot and rework it slightly and make a film out of it without even crediting the guys who came up with the idea" - and that makes me mad. So, please, watch "The Mikado", and marvel in the beauty of the writing (this actaully also applies to the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta for which the episode is named). Season 2 was probably the worst season of Millennium, and yet that episode is still absolutely incredible, and not one to miss. I, meanwhile, intend to get behind, like, 7 proxies, and track down the makers of Untraceable to kill them horribly online for bringing shame on a great TV show by ripping it off so blatantly.<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-78992165137838549252012-04-02T02:52:00.002+01:002012-04-02T02:52:39.075+01:00Dead Silence ReviewIt's just a bizarre coincidence, but for some reason I've found myself watching and reviewing a horror movie on the exact same night this year <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/thing-review.html">as I did last</a>. It must just be some psychological thing that whilst everyone else is spending April 1st playing jokes on each other, I'm hiding in my garage watching movies which scare the absolute shit out of me. And Dead Silence certainly succeeded in this department.<br />
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I think this movie was written as a counter-argument to those who say the Saw movies are just "torture porn", and not real horror. I've got no proof of this, but I get the feeling from watching it that the producers finally had enough of hearing people say they couldn't make a proper horror movie, and decided to show them just how good of a horror film they could make.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiovxODomzgmP6aCsXbtBuVqY9BsX4zck6L22WKMOr5vRgMxFRyMokz7o05F0riutVrZybf80m0Y9JbV0B2ai_G-la5sulW2A22u4L9zJSBi4qP2r9hdPx5LfNO9cFcxrlUEHz7VvDGGE_r/s1600/hiding-behind-pillows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiovxODomzgmP6aCsXbtBuVqY9BsX4zck6L22WKMOr5vRgMxFRyMokz7o05F0riutVrZybf80m0Y9JbV0B2ai_G-la5sulW2A22u4L9zJSBi4qP2r9hdPx5LfNO9cFcxrlUEHz7VvDGGE_r/s400/hiding-behind-pillows.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>You know a movie's scary when you've seen the banner image for my Blog but will still rather hide behind a pillow than look at the screen...</em></div>
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This movie is filled with horror cliches, the sort of stereotypical things that come to your mind when you think "horror movie" - creepy dummies which appear to look at people, disembodied voices, a freaky as fuck soundtrack. Hell, they even included a clown at one point. This movie is, in essence, a walking talking horror cliche. And yet, this makes it a perfect example of what the horror genre can achieve.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKDMLqExoRIxKpR9rTIymlexhwSUSLToqnaHVdk3xcr1gJ61T3rERYIDhvzLZcHWMQPzpBnlTR88n_wQqmLmwf7mMZG8bfQzixZmsGFwH6-Xa5a8W4hw6Js9QHSTkf8oifFOpP4HD7hb9e/s1600/GARBAGE-DAY!.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKDMLqExoRIxKpR9rTIymlexhwSUSLToqnaHVdk3xcr1gJ61T3rERYIDhvzLZcHWMQPzpBnlTR88n_wQqmLmwf7mMZG8bfQzixZmsGFwH6-Xa5a8W4hw6Js9QHSTkf8oifFOpP4HD7hb9e/s400/GARBAGE-DAY!.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>No.</em></div>
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The plot of the film is simple enough, our protagonist, Jamie Ashen, has his wife murdered brutally soon after a package containing a ventriloquist's dummy is delivered to their apartment, and as he returns to their home town to bury her, he starts to investigate the myth of Mary Shaw, a ghost whom the townspeople have a poem about: "Beware the stare of Mary Shaw. She had no children only dolls. And if you see her in your dreams, do not ever, ever scream.". Naturally, with the mysterious delivery of one of Shaw's dolls to his apartment right before his wife's murder, Ashen decides to investigate whether this ghost really was responsible for her killing, and also intends to unearth why.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVK04INc_7pQb93Tp9Vbf7_RimrZwfpdBICoGbQkUYiSxXWJR1G97BiVlqKlp3S0MBneJMV7V5maK5uPG8bJYJAuA6iXIy3tdg-H6ulkCNct2E7RH8WhU80ml37gh4oRELEjAzuOVGICcv/s1600/bob_gunton_dead_silence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVK04INc_7pQb93Tp9Vbf7_RimrZwfpdBICoGbQkUYiSxXWJR1G97BiVlqKlp3S0MBneJMV7V5maK5uPG8bJYJAuA6iXIy3tdg-H6ulkCNct2E7RH8WhU80ml37gh4oRELEjAzuOVGICcv/s400/bob_gunton_dead_silence.jpg" width="285" /></a></div>
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<em>He can also unearth why the Secretary of State is in a wheelchair whilst he's at it.</em></div>
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From a technical standpoint, this movie is incredible, but again from a cliched perspective. The colours are muted, or given a blue hue throughout, except for the few colours the director really wants you to pay attention to - the yellow taxi Ashen pulls up in, the red of his car, and the red motel sign shining through his window. A lot of the shock moments come from things being seen in mirrors, or in your peripheral, and the makers clearly had a lot of fun with lighting their "jump moments". The way the shots transitioned as well, moving out through someone's eye from one scene to another, or watching a map as it turned into the actual landscape and we see a car driving down the road, were great transitions, and of course, remarkably similar to the style they perfected in Saw, albeit at a much slower pace to fit the tone of the film better.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHqVVw56NHHx0KELlQpilalnjUgmES4X-gf7Im38YZe-MV3JGbCjnw1WcVDxpgwgI3a2-dgnPxhoeCZhUrGJnoaH1Pg7iZ9O-HKEPo0bqnCbYqEqkj6TXanDCZd9YLz9NNIXEHLuTyB0gk/s1600/tone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHqVVw56NHHx0KELlQpilalnjUgmES4X-gf7Im38YZe-MV3JGbCjnw1WcVDxpgwgI3a2-dgnPxhoeCZhUrGJnoaH1Pg7iZ9O-HKEPo0bqnCbYqEqkj6TXanDCZd9YLz9NNIXEHLuTyB0gk/s400/tone.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>No, that's clearly "built". "tone" just implies low bodyfat.</em></div>
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Perhaps the most impressive technical aspect to this film has to be the use of background noise throughout the film. As we all know, Foley sounds are added to movies on top of the noise recorded by the microphones, because this is the only way to make things sound completely natural, and give a movie a realistic feel. To quote wikipedia, "Without these crucial background noises, movies feel unnaturally quiet and uncomfortable." - and this fact was clearly not overlooked by the makers of Dead Silence, who muted all foley sounds whenever a scare moment was approaching, to create a sense of unease, and make the audience dread what was coming next. Some may argue that this is just a cheap and pathetic trick, telling people when to be scared, in the same way as a sharp, stabbing, high pitched note on a jump moment would be considered to be. Though I felt that this worked perfectly in creating suspense, and would liken it more to the eerie background screeching of "The Shining" more than the "in your face" jump cues. Hell, in a sense, because it is the lack of noise which is designed to disturb, perhaps Dead Silence is more comparable to Irreversible than any classic horror film, as the soundtrack of that movie was designed to go largely unnoticed, yet was set at such a pitch and frequency so as to make people feel uncomfortable and even nauseous.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXZ2qZLPmDlNwf_t2A1CqtSmWVno0kEn_K0YNDp7M2TeJvtUV4Nx0z9RWaNyL4Z46VtEoVf7eSADH1h9N9qnwd_h6REmfNzI_Cf7iy2Lh5D10QGXGhl_UdnOhuRSS81bvsYYuFPrxRdd4/s1600/irreversible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXZ2qZLPmDlNwf_t2A1CqtSmWVno0kEn_K0YNDp7M2TeJvtUV4Nx0z9RWaNyL4Z46VtEoVf7eSADH1h9N9qnwd_h6REmfNzI_Cf7iy2Lh5D10QGXGhl_UdnOhuRSS81bvsYYuFPrxRdd4/s400/irreversible.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>It's so hard to masturbate whislt you're throwin up as well...</em></div>
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So, now that I've explained where the title comes from, let's get on with discussing some of the other aspects of the film, shall we?<br />
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The acting is fairly decent throughout, for a horror movie. With an estimated budget of $20 million, this wasn't exactly a blokbuster they were making, and yet all the cast turn out decent performances, even the kids. There was not one moment in this film where I felt that someone was over/under acting, bringing me out the movie. Of course, Donnie Wahlberg's entire part was essentially over-acted, as he was the comic relief of the piece. However, he was a real treat to see on screen, and certainly made the entire film more enjoyable. This may be his worst performance as a character named Lipton, but he was still great, and the character was fantastic as well.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivcmEnb1py7_U2wj99kq3SDyDlo3ZI-iYHnVLgwt9TidMhtCPR02PWhLZdYjwt6KG2wqtmT08Z-SIwM7aa-auS9emq7AmxlAqd5uiseAOgEN0sSpuIJswK5xZ0W7dsUeRRTC-kuz6WOJwm/s1600/lipton-band-of-brothers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivcmEnb1py7_U2wj99kq3SDyDlo3ZI-iYHnVLgwt9TidMhtCPR02PWhLZdYjwt6KG2wqtmT08Z-SIwM7aa-auS9emq7AmxlAqd5uiseAOgEN0sSpuIJswK5xZ0W7dsUeRRTC-kuz6WOJwm/s400/lipton-band-of-brothers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The make-up effects used in this film were terrifying as well, especially when combined with the shock lighting and general atmosphere. And hell, seeing a witchwoman with a dolls face is fucking terrifying no matter how you cut it!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUdYq5RKfPRfT0_2mF9XK3UbhV_39Dzqw60F34nKUAefafROv7z6iihux-QDOMlzc6t0Ke83Cnkw7lMNr41Kx8wTa2G_UKTpT87RZcbvv8K84LbhLxrW11vm1XqfBpC99kRAH5Yc92UlHF/s1600/I-herd-u-liek-nightmares.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="READ THIS ALT TEXT AND YOU SHALL DIE IN 7 DAYS!!!" border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUdYq5RKfPRfT0_2mF9XK3UbhV_39Dzqw60F34nKUAefafROv7z6iihux-QDOMlzc6t0Ke83Cnkw7lMNr41Kx8wTa2G_UKTpT87RZcbvv8K84LbhLxrW11vm1XqfBpC99kRAH5Yc92UlHF/s640/I-herd-u-liek-nightmares.jpg" title="" width="451" /></a></div>
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<em>Ok, so it doesn't even need a doll's face to be terrifying.</em></div>
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The music for this film is also great, with the producers getting their old friend Charles Clouser back again, although this time writing a proper score, rather than ripping off the keyboard part from a Rammstein song.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OB9FcqSXsm0" width="420"></iframe><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vhSHXGM7kgE" width="420"></iframe>
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<em>Don't act like you can't hear the similarities....</em><br />
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Of course, this makes the soundtrack less memorable (hell, you really remember the silence more than anything else. Hence the title, I guess), but it does make it a little more fitting, just as how the soundtrack to The Thing was very understated (and nominated for a Razzie - because what the fuck do they know about decent scores?)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjys-DpOijjuyxTyiLa-imkse977mP7dWF5yefz2O5uZ2Nm88DRBTs5sq-M0WjUpPpTieI_LhLG8Ie3k78JuwIG5gxfQN3tju-LWMktPhXH5Mp7RDiMmAlarpBeluqAIUtzexFJGJhyphenhyphentBve/s1600/fuck_the_police.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjys-DpOijjuyxTyiLa-imkse977mP7dWF5yefz2O5uZ2Nm88DRBTs5sq-M0WjUpPpTieI_LhLG8Ie3k78JuwIG5gxfQN3tju-LWMktPhXH5Mp7RDiMmAlarpBeluqAIUtzexFJGJhyphenhyphentBve/s320/fuck_the_police.png" width="279" /></a></div>
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All in all then, this was a fantastic horror movie, and a real frightfest - you can tell it was good because after I had watched it and was walking to my computer, my dog let out a heavy sigh and I nearly jumped out of my skin in terror. Then again, I couldn't play Manhunt with the lights out, so I'm evidently easier to scare than most. Still, it was great to see the Saw guys make a "proper" horror film, and do such a damn fine job of it. Of course [<strong>spoiler</strong>], they still kept the obligatory twist ending that they have at the end of all their films, but I was rather impressed with this one, because it was so far removed from what I was expecting, I imagine I got the same feeling watching this as the people who watched Saw before everyone started talking about it and giving away the plot must have gotten from that <strong>[/spoiler</strong>]<br />
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So, looking for another horror film for 2nd April? <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/thing-review.html">The Thing</a> was certainly my top recommendation last year, and this year that recommendation goes to Dead Silence. Watch this movie.<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-23462409833494123542012-03-30T03:48:00.000+01:002012-06-01T01:50:35.806+01:00Total Recall (2012)So I guess my theme for March is complaining about movies due to come out this year, which are going to totally ruin things I previously liked. I intentionally stayed away from last year's adaptation of "The Thing" on the assumption that it would ruin both the original John Carpenter movie, as well as Warrior, because I would never be able to look at Joel Edgerton again without wanting him to die horribly for condoning (by starring in) such a remake. So, I've already complained about the cast of Les Miserables, now it's time to kick things up a notch and complain about the mere existence of a movie regardless of who is in it or who is at the helm: Why the fuck are they remaking Total Recall?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JKEfZfdseUEueR6cSzCwqJq9j3QXlsne34G5KLQ5cu0-hpJEAIfoBDACYTBRfkP5QR0nZ1Rt0QH3VBzE6a-IV6NvDz2GRNFHujpQ9hKycQbSlw0p8ojsAkCsVW7E550JnX7ebbtV0qBj/s1600/total-recall-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JKEfZfdseUEueR6cSzCwqJq9j3QXlsne34G5KLQ5cu0-hpJEAIfoBDACYTBRfkP5QR0nZ1Rt0QH3VBzE6a-IV6NvDz2GRNFHujpQ9hKycQbSlw0p8ojsAkCsVW7E550JnX7ebbtV0qBj/s400/total-recall-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div>
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Now, the weird thing is, I'm not an overly massive fan of Total Recall. As far as Philip K. Dick adaptations go, it ranked behind both 'Blade Runner' and 'A Scanner Darkly'. As far as Schwarzenegger movies go, it wasn't close to 'Predator' or 'Terminator' - hell, it was more on a par with films like 'Commando' or 'Eraser'. And as far as Paul Verhoeven films in which Michael Ironside loses at least 2 limbs go, it was by far my least favourite.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7t2efxDl2c0yBLs-HdjloQSM9-8tOpavkZLuGgNTrRYln-TKC4trUJKCmvmyXPo0VoQmtEUSV8DF7bvGW-BYTa2ixVa25vKpVKkVTTkpOjc-X5ktrqbIQTnKsv3N1jNBEN9eN2YIHB_Nb/s1600/Starship-troopers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="353" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7t2efxDl2c0yBLs-HdjloQSM9-8tOpavkZLuGgNTrRYln-TKC4trUJKCmvmyXPo0VoQmtEUSV8DF7bvGW-BYTa2ixVa25vKpVKkVTTkpOjc-X5ktrqbIQTnKsv3N1jNBEN9eN2YIHB_Nb/s640/Starship-troopers.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Did you find <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/why-prisoners-shouldnt-be-allowed-vote.html">that video I made about Prisoners rights</a> funny, Rico? Because I'm not sure anyone got the fucking joke...</em></div>
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However, it was still an enjoyable 80s Sci-fi action romp, and it had a lot going for it. It had the classic Philip K. Dick mindfuck-style ending - what's real, and what isn't? (I still have trouble explaining to people that in Minority Report there's a good chance he's still in the prison having his brain pacified into thinking he solved everything so he doesn't want to escape, and I've only seen the fucking movie once). It has the political undertones which were present in Blade Runner, however they have been brought far more to the forefront, with a lot of the action revolving around the rights of the poor to have access to the most basic survival requirements without having to shell out for it (again, this ties back in with Les Miserables). Not only that, but it has Verhoeven's distinctive style, combined with classic Schwarzenegger - plus, Michael fucking Ironside is in it as the slimy bad guy! What's not to like?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPxeFFFBZMUM49aK6fa8v-3knSYF3Pe2EedD_acRwfHrvQWDwatQ4QwaHAJafHOfLEHkXTPyqGK3Xb-6RXOGNp5Hx4M-_T1LMLFxNsacvVzAbfEF0eSZx9iqd8s-DTi_-OcCc-sZw4lvvl/s1600/Michael-Ironside-Richter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPxeFFFBZMUM49aK6fa8v-3knSYF3Pe2EedD_acRwfHrvQWDwatQ4QwaHAJafHOfLEHkXTPyqGK3Xb-6RXOGNp5Hx4M-_T1LMLFxNsacvVzAbfEF0eSZx9iqd8s-DTi_-OcCc-sZw4lvvl/s400/Michael-Ironside-Richter.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Yes, I am just dumping my fap folder. You caught me.</em></div>
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And to top it all off - it was the very first movie I ever watched in which someone was shot through the head - and a woman at that! (I may have watched it at a sleepover sometime in the 90s without my parents knowing...) Seriously, up until I saw this film, I didn't think they were allowed to show that on film. I genuinely didn't.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoscWo-Wiqnf1X2ijgVFmQhExk6RviYuGnGznCBP01xSOesg8oHZuAwr93grir10SasC0OWysnsgE2zd9T_mL3rwvyKq6iSa0Z26BHfiCoxtN30GoU-mOqBQ9xZxwoRjr24__XlIq-2CGd/s1600/why-does-it-have-to-be-censored.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoscWo-Wiqnf1X2ijgVFmQhExk6RviYuGnGznCBP01xSOesg8oHZuAwr93grir10SasC0OWysnsgE2zd9T_mL3rwvyKq6iSa0Z26BHfiCoxtN30GoU-mOqBQ9xZxwoRjr24__XlIq-2CGd/s400/why-does-it-have-to-be-censored.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>It was also the first movie I watched which featured a woman with 3 boobs. Oh wait, the ONLY movie I've watched to feature that...</em></div>
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But watching the newly released teaser trailer for the 2012 "reboot" (why the fuck not call it a "remake"? Are they planning on making a whole series, or are people still trying to cash in on Batman Begins?), I really am not looking forward to this film. It looks as though it's going to be yet another CGI fest (something Verhoeven must have gone out of his way to avoid, making so much of the original using actual models and make-up effects - not that I mind when he goes CGI crazy, of course, Starship Troopers being my favourite of his films), this time taking the unused footage from "The Fifth Element" (great fucking movie) and muting the colours to make it seem "more dark and brooding"...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_ek4aArR4nCnPTPBerS40_CAb0BBriPVSIxLWSez6p4sJkI_7xN1AdpnVPW8sBKHFnBaJwIU5rkW_RMDCBBVMVx-BdjA7Nv6LMdbaqy6NRnMGnS1donC1n4LVRh3GhPox-nW4Jx0mIMO/s1600/total-recall-car-chase.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="395" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_ek4aArR4nCnPTPBerS40_CAb0BBriPVSIxLWSez6p4sJkI_7xN1AdpnVPW8sBKHFnBaJwIU5rkW_RMDCBBVMVx-BdjA7Nv6LMdbaqy6NRnMGnS1donC1n4LVRh3GhPox-nW4Jx0mIMO/s640/total-recall-car-chase.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Tell me that's not the taxi chase scene from The Fifth Element. I dare you motherfucker, I double dare ya!</em></div>
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The "updated" vision of the future also looks far less interesting than Verhoeven's, with iRobot looking androids and Fifth-Element cars set over a Blade Runner backdrop, nothing here looks original. It looks as though they've just taken things they liked from decent sci-fi movies (implying iRobot is good) and tried to cram them all in, in the hopes they fit together nicely. Hell, I can even see a bit of "The One" in the gun we see Colin Farrell holding in the trailer (though the one in the poster is a little more Robocop, I'll give them that).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTNUBsBvXmqB6saKB2E3hDP9iF2_NLc3rdBoCzCj72xKZLHRakopy9cuuP7yLYHgsmCPFx6iNOIQ4rrZBZFFM77p3zIMhEb7yC0Y1lmEHhpnwpX23-W6WtdC3C8kDreZCTjKW7jA9rysPi/s1600/robocop-gun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTNUBsBvXmqB6saKB2E3hDP9iF2_NLc3rdBoCzCj72xKZLHRakopy9cuuP7yLYHgsmCPFx6iNOIQ4rrZBZFFM77p3zIMhEb7yC0Y1lmEHhpnwpX23-W6WtdC3C8kDreZCTjKW7jA9rysPi/s400/robocop-gun.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Unbelievably, whilst looking for an image of Robocop to add here, I stumbled across the fact they're remaking THAT film as well. un-fucking-believable.</em></div>
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And you know what? I know I said I wasn't gonna make this about the cast, but really? Colin Farrell in Arnold's place? That's gonna require the entire story be changed to fit around him, because there's no way he can fill Arnold's shoes. He may be a better actor on a technical level, but in a shoot-em up sci-fi action romp like this, we want our heroes to be the Arnold type character. We need Quaid to appear sympathetic towards the plight of the people struggling to live on Mars under the cruel dictatorship to the extent we can believe he would help the rebellion, true. But at the same time, we also need a guy who's happy to start a firefight on an escalator with 15 people between him and the guy he's shooting at. And you know what the absolute most ridiculous thing about this is? They considered offering the role to Tom Hardy, but cast Colin Farrell instead - because clearly Farrell will be better at taking over a Schwarzenegger role than Tom Hardy would have been.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuXLjtw6L_czahyphenhyphens360RQAhr_GyZHt3jiR7cS1_P81ctf8gZLNhG4FAMDIPYBcnrYJMCDakm7UsR7flCZGCssuWuxxWtAfKJJjlzEF2zL5tGLDliKD1V4Y3AgyQswigRZRX5UYM9b0i76O/s1600/tom-hardy-does-SS-and-GOMAD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuXLjtw6L_czahyphenhyphens360RQAhr_GyZHt3jiR7cS1_P81ctf8gZLNhG4FAMDIPYBcnrYJMCDakm7UsR7flCZGCssuWuxxWtAfKJJjlzEF2zL5tGLDliKD1V4Y3AgyQswigRZRX5UYM9b0i76O/s400/tom-hardy-does-SS-and-GOMAD.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<em>luckily he's a bit more built now, and come out of his Michael Jackson phase...</em></div>
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And speaking of stuggling to fill another actor's shoes, I notice that no-one is yet credited on the IMDB page as playing Richter, which leads me to assume the part will either not exist, or will be played by the only actor to appear on the cast list who doesn't already have a designated character, Ethan Hawke:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX-bj4McjgZYnpsI2RKQAQagD4kJXr2jRSmi7RGp2bCFsW3v7NHfXrtzXOVO107gBUmiHSIUzo-E-x-v7h2DLAIg8uGDaRFLq-aAJcoGfPub89CvAXwWyaFZNxyR6Jzt7tpvNufnn7f46o/s1600/Total-Recall-Cast-List.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX-bj4McjgZYnpsI2RKQAQagD4kJXr2jRSmi7RGp2bCFsW3v7NHfXrtzXOVO107gBUmiHSIUzo-E-x-v7h2DLAIg8uGDaRFLq-aAJcoGfPub89CvAXwWyaFZNxyR6Jzt7tpvNufnn7f46o/s640/Total-Recall-Cast-List.jpg" width="577" /></a><br />
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Now don't get me wrong, even though he's a pretty boy, I accept Ethan Hawke can act. But to replace Michael Ironside? Unthinkable! Hell, since I've already used the "stepping into his shoes" analogy, I might as well wrap this up with a lame pun and say the only occasion when Ethan Hawke could possibly fill Michael Ironside's shoes is in this scene:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijj8WXso6I87mInYo2Bxg21r3B_WZgSGX5Yq7Xo8G6WqCq7hXLtF9yCedk-VwtgSVLMAQmNwyKjMevt6AIhkOblwZ1ppr_1OC2AMKn350hJIehhw4KmMgZ5Fqe2uVn-VXqYwDYNVrv2n8g/s1600/half-a-Michael-Ironside.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijj8WXso6I87mInYo2Bxg21r3B_WZgSGX5Yq7Xo8G6WqCq7hXLtF9yCedk-VwtgSVLMAQmNwyKjMevt6AIhkOblwZ1ppr_1OC2AMKn350hJIehhw4KmMgZ5Fqe2uVn-VXqYwDYNVrv2n8g/s400/half-a-Michael-Ironside.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>See, it's funny because he doesn't have legs...</em></div>
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As far as casting goes, I think Kate Beckinsale as Lori (Sharon Stone) is the only really interesting choice, and even then I note that the director of this new adaptation is HER FUCKING HUSBAND, which could explain why she got the part. Still, some of the other characters might yet come off, such as Bill Nighy as Kuato (same sort of territory here as we had with Baron Cohen in Les Mis, could be brilliant, could be terrible), and although I would rather see her as the three breasted woman, I suppose I can't knock Jessica Biel as Melina, since I did give <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/next-review-plus-introduction-message.html">the last Philip K. Dick adaptation she was in</a> 3 stars based solely on the fact that I think she's hot.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJJ5LDC5WWfykjDd_QPqTJRXvI35I_v6R31GkCyAy4nDD0-9ufAbjBYN88uuomsppyPpqxKv_IQSs0cy8ZQMKCLWGu5-grbAUCsl33EkgTOTdsE50oMWIUT_5ETTAgkqC_-6cVWVsK1Zu/s1600/photoshop-is-an-awesome-tool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJJ5LDC5WWfykjDd_QPqTJRXvI35I_v6R31GkCyAy4nDD0-9ufAbjBYN88uuomsppyPpqxKv_IQSs0cy8ZQMKCLWGu5-grbAUCsl33EkgTOTdsE50oMWIUT_5ETTAgkqC_-6cVWVsK1Zu/s400/photoshop-is-an-awesome-tool.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>I mean, seriously, this girl is retardedly hot, and not just because she's been photoshopped to fuck in this picture. Well, ok, maybe that is the reason. But still, it's hot, right?</em></div>
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The fact that the poster itself actually says "what is real?" as the tag line also really bothers me, because although that is the main theme of the film (Quaid trying to find out if he is actually Quaid, or is in fact Hauser), I preferred having this sneak up on me so you don't get the real revelation until he's sitting in the chair watching a recorded message of himself revealing the plan. Plus, it kind of hints at the twist ending as well, which you don't really want on the poster. Now, granted, it's still a step up from the tagline "Titans will Clash" on the "Clash of the Titans" poster, but what was wrong with the original tagline "Get Ready for the Ride of your Life?". Or, as an in-joke, why not put the tagline on the poster as "I'll see you at the party"?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDsIi4kwUmWUH5NWKPdEfRUpxgsh2Pu-2iXiuzAnXtx-8XWcK0fL_Rm0d-paetk5GfSVJ7iGErpCS-DrvPZp8jD-2-dduHjAs_edKGHn3NBEctBsFAjzPKoJY9p3-E9uInStPjwYmFHLe_/s1600/richter-at-the-party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDsIi4kwUmWUH5NWKPdEfRUpxgsh2Pu-2iXiuzAnXtx-8XWcK0fL_Rm0d-paetk5GfSVJ7iGErpCS-DrvPZp8jD-2-dduHjAs_edKGHn3NBEctBsFAjzPKoJY9p3-E9uInStPjwYmFHLe_/s400/richter-at-the-party.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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And another thing. Here's the synopsis, straight from the IMDB page (look it up if you don't believe me): <em>As the nation states Euromerica and New Shanghai vie for supremacy, a factory worker (Farrell) begins to suspect that he's a spy, though he is unaware which side of the fight he's on.</em><br />
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>Euromerica<br />
>New Shanghai<br />
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For fuck's sake - why the fuck isn't it set on Mars? Enough with this corporations as states shit already. 1984 was enough, and Mutant Chronicles was certainly enough...<br />
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So to sum up, I don't know what they're thinking with this remake, and I'm starting to get really worried about what other films they're going to be ruining this year. I also notice that they've got no further with the Splinter Cell film which was announced over a year ago - but then again having seen what they've done to this film, I'm terrified as fuck they'd cast John Cena as Sam Fisher and Mos Def as Lambert....<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-91915095284705653252012-03-20T04:27:00.001+00:002012-04-08T05:00:10.697+01:00Les Miserables (2012)I realize that I've been gone a while, but I just got Fallout 3 and had to play through the entire thing before I could even think about doing anything else, so please don't judge me too harshly. In fact, I even attempted to make a video of it for this site, using one of those fancy screen-capture devices (which stupidly only captures the audio from the microphone, and doesn't capture in-game sounds as well), but, well, that turned out to be a bit of a nightmare. The intention was to see how fast I could get the 3 achievements for reaching level 8 with bad, neutral and good karma, through a bit on ingenuity (read: starting from a slightly earlier save and killing a bunch of people to lose karma). However, this slowly descended into a nightmare as my laptop kept crashing every 10 seconds or so (it's 8GB RAM with an HD Graphics card. FUCK ACER/BETHESDA WORKS (I'm not sure which one is at fault)) and I ended up recording roughly a 40 minute video of me slowly going insane and screaming increasingly more extravagant profanities into the microphone and ultimately threatening to kill everyone who works for Acer, Microsoft, and Bethesda works. It was hell to play through, but I thought the video might have come out pretty funny in the end, or at least, that it could be of academic value for those studying the effects of video-game induced psychosis. However, unbeknownst to myself, when the game crashed, it also caused my recording software to stop running as well, so my entire 40 minutes of madness went completely to waste, and will not be seen/heard by anyone. Ever. Naturally, this made me even more angry, and I therefore haven't done anything for the site since.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLI_1qQw-NzCPKJXLMv4Lj_L4B706rp3qd396kVfbhSDCCRH5pvPJ8ISNy9qtQOq66I66lIv_ChPPOnV613dmlJfUNwaXZe0rT_844zeWwg6s6sVqme-xReeZ939bFJ4kG66e2nWzARiND/s1600/walter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLI_1qQw-NzCPKJXLMv4Lj_L4B706rp3qd396kVfbhSDCCRH5pvPJ8ISNy9qtQOq66I66lIv_ChPPOnV613dmlJfUNwaXZe0rT_844zeWwg6s6sVqme-xReeZ939bFJ4kG66e2nWzARiND/s320/walter.jpg" width="287" /></a></div>
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However, yesterday a friend of mine bought me an XBox 360, and whilst every /v/irgin reading this will immediately groan at this suggestion: fuck you, consoles don't crash. so, I'm now in a slightly better mood, and looking forward to the arrival of New Vegas later this week, which I managed to get for £5.47 (no idea how much a mouse/keyboard kit for Xbox would be, but I'm definitely looking into that shit).<br />
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But this post is not about the Fallout games (not even about how fucking ridiculous it was that I couldn't send in Fawkes to activate the purifier, or the fact that I paid for the game of the year edition and installed the DLC, yet Live still tells me Operation anchorage will cost me 800CR, because fuck Microsoft). No, this post is about something I touched on in my <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/top-everything-of-2011-idea-i-totally.html">end of year round-up for 2011</a>. The Les Miserables Movie.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6LtUAkeukhg-ea2gMnKJdmh-wzSdoWDd83LemD04F9dpJpKbRMxwSrc2QXJyoWj5DBvVlYzoVlBIVrTSRyUW-0SbPExaDig5AoJW12e_lVDj4LCQGLJBuJNMADcG3_3PMfZygRQfSfKfT/s1600/Occupy_Wall_Street_the_musical.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6LtUAkeukhg-ea2gMnKJdmh-wzSdoWDd83LemD04F9dpJpKbRMxwSrc2QXJyoWj5DBvVlYzoVlBIVrTSRyUW-0SbPExaDig5AoJW12e_lVDj4LCQGLJBuJNMADcG3_3PMfZygRQfSfKfT/s640/Occupy_Wall_Street_the_musical.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>I know this picture doesn't really fit here, but I spent so long making it I just HAD to post it again...</i></div>
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Les Miserables is, for those of you who haven't already guessed it, my favourite musical (no homo), and I was disgusted to hear that they would be making a film of it, because inevitably, it was going to end up shit. Hell, I even posted the confirmed cast back in December, and practically cried at how awful it looked. However, today I was directed back to the IMDB page for the upcoming film, and found myself pleasantly surprised with a couple of new editions:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYgfi4Hv9XcsDHjhzoJ2lsV967cnf237_6xpA4H5MsFeX-_7fsW4TAulT0WrrOEd1MEjl9gYdNZzDgY_e0UIcZ1KbC4zVis1JC4QGg89qrYpGtXyqcXof-sHL5RFXESN5JF1ikYYxZhMi/s1600/Les+Miserables+(2012)+Cast.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYgfi4Hv9XcsDHjhzoJ2lsV967cnf237_6xpA4H5MsFeX-_7fsW4TAulT0WrrOEd1MEjl9gYdNZzDgY_e0UIcZ1KbC4zVis1JC4QGg89qrYpGtXyqcXof-sHL5RFXESN5JF1ikYYxZhMi/s640/Les+Miserables+(2012)+Cast.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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I'm a Frances Ruffelle man myself. Others go on about how her voice is too whiny, and Lea Salonga was a far better Eponine, but they have no taste whatsoever (just to clarify before I catch some hate - I think Salonga is an incredible singer, and a brilliant Fantine, but she just didn't make Eponine feel as genuine or identifiable as Ruffelle did). Ruffelle gave the character a real vulnerability, and you felt incredibly sorry for her, and could identify with her and believe all the shit she went through (I mean, come on, she dies and her parents don't even mention it - not even in passing - despite the fact her dad was searching the bodies on the barricade and would have come across her fucking corpse! Shows how well her family treated her...). She also made "On My Own" one of the most incredible recordings ever, and it is one of my favourite songs, even stretching outside of the sphere of musical theatre. However, when I saw Samantha Barks in the 25th Anniversary concert edition, I was extremely impressed by her performance in the song "A Little Fall of Rain", in which she actually surpassed Ruffelle, with a far more intense, and indeed realistic delivery of her lines, which was one of the best songs of the entire show (I also liked the way she delivered the line "I've only been pretending" in On My Own - the only part of that song where she again surpassed Ruffelle). Not only this, but her performance with Gareth Gates on the West End in 2011 was also incredible, and the fact that this girl can give 2 stunning performances whilst appearing alongside guys who sing about as well as I do (Nick Jonas and Gareth Gates aren't exactly on Michael Ball's level, or even in the same building. Fuck it, even the same street) makes me extremely pleased that she was picked for the role of Eponine in the movie, and gives me hope the film may actually be half decent.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZfEdx7n4vvbBTzZyV9pKkGARUvbAaQ8HaM3DKCQIimrdq1ye9AfeC0b_fvwY0k2t8mvKXrUZDZpQDNQJkoWMxR6isojLqqEsTGdjTCC_SD483d-VoVO0AxxvCDaRc7iWBQlWIO0EqLJqH/s1600/eponine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZfEdx7n4vvbBTzZyV9pKkGARUvbAaQ8HaM3DKCQIimrdq1ye9AfeC0b_fvwY0k2t8mvKXrUZDZpQDNQJkoWMxR6isojLqqEsTGdjTCC_SD483d-VoVO0AxxvCDaRc7iWBQlWIO0EqLJqH/s400/eponine.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Plus she's pretty hot. In a British way...</i></div>
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Of course, it's sad that Taylor Swift didn't get the role, since she got /b/ to name her cat, so is clearly far more on my pathetic level than Barks, but to be honest, I've never been overly impressed by her music (and before anyone goes on about how many Grammys she has, I would like to point out that Adele also has a metric fuckton of Grammys, and is just plain awful*), and if the only reason it would be good to see her in the role is because she visits a website I do, why not cast Allison Harvard as Cosette? Who cares if she can sing, right?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU7o4OjUIwlZTCOhpvbQ2EMZ2YNCNotWli4oeCFx4Ak6EWjOeieIop0uDNDoHQ-PTaGurb8AOWNVScHVkxx_Ffw5gvW6OgeENveK086b9tWPex5OQ358MDNMecDqdrBITq6LEdftg7qCA-/s1600/Allison.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU7o4OjUIwlZTCOhpvbQ2EMZ2YNCNotWli4oeCFx4Ak6EWjOeieIop0uDNDoHQ-PTaGurb8AOWNVScHVkxx_Ffw5gvW6OgeENveK086b9tWPex5OQ358MDNMecDqdrBITq6LEdftg7qCA-/s400/Allison.jpg" width="298" /></a></div>
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<i>No, I mean, seriously. I would pay to just watch this girl on screen for 3 hours..</i>.**</div>
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The other addition to the cast I was pleased to see is that Sascha Baron Cohen will be playing Thenadier. I would never have thought to cast him if you had asked me to pick my ideal cast for the film, but I honestly think he has the potential to be brilliant in the role. The part of Thenadier has always gone to actors/comedians, from Alun Armstrong to Matt Lucas and now on to Baron Cohen, and I'm actually pleased to say that I think the film makers made a solid choice here. Armstrong was great, don't get me wrong, but when Lucas played the part for the 25th anniversary concert, he really stole the show - everyone seemed to be having so much fun during his rendition of Master of the House that it's the only time in history I would have liked to have been a member of the choir or a backing singer for a stage show - he just really played to the audience, and had a laugh with the role, and I think Baron Cohen will be able to recreate this same attitude for the big screen version. Of course, you could argue that on film, this will detract from the experience rather than add to it, but since Thenadier is the comic relief anyway, why not go all out, right? Just my thoughts (and clearly those of the casting director as well).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN3eJDVwLNZs_uMUVOMViDluAOlDZzwivGe2EVj1UhJ0PmVKj7tLlx2m02e7-nU4fxdcKm0Ljp7-hm8Opd8upBB2IdmJmEQbDOo8MOCh6PfsGzXMce3tzSbaWpK0mg6C1NhngCEzDNb5Fn/s1600/Freddie-Mercury.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN3eJDVwLNZs_uMUVOMViDluAOlDZzwivGe2EVj1UhJ0PmVKj7tLlx2m02e7-nU4fxdcKm0Ljp7-hm8Opd8upBB2IdmJmEQbDOo8MOCh6PfsGzXMce3tzSbaWpK0mg6C1NhngCEzDNb5Fn/s400/Freddie-Mercury.jpg" width="280" /></a></div>
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<i>Or possibly they were looking for decent singers to cast and thought Freddie Mercury had come to the audition...</i></div>
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But now we come down to the serious hate. Why the fuck is Russell Crowe playing Javert? I mean, seriously. You know who should be playing Javert? Someone with some real screen experience, a man with such a commanding presence and deep, authoritative voice that he will dominate the role, and not sound like he's making a poor attempt at an Irish accent when he's supposedly playing someone from Nottingham. A man who has starred in everything from "Inspector Morse" to "The Queen" to "The Iron Lady", then right back to Morse with the prequel "Endeavour". A man who stands above the Manlet cut-off of 6 feet tall, and is actually the right age to play Javert in the later scenes where the majority of the story takes place.<br />
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That's right - why not just cast Roger Allam?<br />
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<i>To be honest, I could actually see Phi</i><i>lip Glenister working too...</i></div>
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Seriously, the guy's still working - he was in an Oscar winning film last year, and he would be perfect for the role. Did they offer it to him first and he turned it down, or did they just feel they needed a big name for the role and felt they had to cast Russell Crowe because studios are still convinced they'll be able to rekindle the success of Gladiator? It's just over my head. Can Russell Crowe even sing? If they wanted to go for more of a Hollywood Hardman, why not go for our favourite up-and-coming actor Tom Hardy (I say up-and-coming despite the fact I first saw him in band of Brothers 11 years ago)? So many questions, so few answers. And Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean? I don't even...<br />
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<i>I mean, Billy Flynn in Chicago? Sure. Danny in Grease? Why not. But Jean Valjean? Seriously?</i></div>
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The sad fact is that Javert and Valjean could both be played by the original London cast members, because they were both too young for the parts when the musical first ran. Colm Wilkinson and Roger Allam are both the right age now to be playing the parts, and since both performed "One Day More" at the 25th Anniversary concert (Colm also performed "Bring Him Home" alongside the other Valjeans), both are clearly still vocally capable of performing the songs as well. And why not get Ramin Karimloo back to play Enjolras since he was so brilliant - I mean sure, having an Iranian guy with a Canadian accent playing a Frenchman may not be all that realistic on film, but fuck it, they cast Morgan Freeman as a Red Haired Irishman in Shawshank and that turned out pretty fucking well.<br />
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<i>My only problem with this movie was that even though Red is supposed to be in Andy Dufresne's imagination, we still see other character talking/interacting with him. Seriously plothole that... </i></div>
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So I still have mixed feelings. I'm really worried that this film will turn out to be utter shit, but at the same time, I probably will still go and see it, just in the hopes they make a decent adaptation. In fact, this will be the second film of 2012 that the previous statement will apply to, since I feel exactly the same way about The Dark Knight Rises - there's a good chance Nolan will give it yet another shitty ending, as he so loves to do, and it will be a massive disappointment, and yet, I will still go and see it as I still have faith that it could be the greatest Batman movie ever made, and I sure love Batman...<br />
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<i>In... every... incarnation...</i></div>
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And just since we're talking about the cast of Les Miserables, if anyone is going to see moot in London this week, tell him I'm writing a movie about him to cash in on the success of The Social Network. I'm going to call it "The Unsocial Network" and follow the same pattern Fincher did for his film. We'll get a well known musician from an industrial metal band to write the score (I'm thinking Till Lindemann), cast an actor who is best known for his roles as an awkward quirky teen in the lead (Michael Cera as moot), and cast a well-known musician in the second to main part (in this case, Nick Jonas as W.T. Snacks - I really think playing an internet paedophile will help him break free of his "good boy" image, just like Elijah Wood playing a football Hooligan - plus, I suspect the scene where he gets hit by an 18-wheeler will be as popular as the whole "Justin Bieber getting shot in CSI" thing). Failing that, just ask him if he even lifts for me, would you?<br />
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Until next time people.<br />
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<b>Voice</b><br />
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*<i> I interviewed Adele for my chat show recently, and she said that people keep asking her what the titles of her albums mean, and whether or not they have some deep meaning. "18". "21". She responded "there's no hidden meaning in the titles, it's just my weight in stone at the time of recording".</i><br />
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<em>**...so, what? I guess I should buy the America's Next Top Model DVDs? I'm sure I'll get a kick out of the "Nigga you gay" guy, at least...</em>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-86955051249261204602012-01-17T03:05:00.000+00:002012-06-01T01:52:22.074+01:00"Street Kings 2: Motor City" Review<br />
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"Street Kings" is an interesting movie because it appears to be the only occasion on record in which Terry Crews has worn Sleeves for the whole time he was in a film:<br />
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<em>"Yo Ludlow - What is this shit covering my arms, man? I gotta let these guns BREATHE, son."</em></div>
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It is also a clever police thriller, with a lot of twists, and some really decent action. It makes you think, and also contains some really well written characters: some of them just cool, and some with whom you can really empathize. Street Kings was the first movie I saw Chris Evans in and thought he was half decent (so well behind the curve of that one: should have watched "Sunshine" when it came out, really, since the Ads ruined it on TV anyway), and despite the ending being a slight let-down, the story up to that point is solid, with every new twist being as exciting as the last, and the audience never knowing what is going to happen next. It had its moments of retardation: the scene in which Reeves and Evans kit themselves up with shotguns, which then disappear completely in the next scene so they only have handguns when they get into a firefight is just ridiculous. But all in all, it was a very entertaining movie.<br />
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<em>Not to mention the poster is fantastic for trolling. I mean, come on, there's a guy in it named "Common".</em></div>
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Not only this, but Street Kings finally allowed me to crack "The Keanu Code". You see, a lot of people complain that Keanu Reeves can't act: he's very wooden, has a monotone voice, and doesn't seem to be very expressive. However, after watching Street Kings, I finally realized why this is. It's not because he is a bad actor: it's because he is typecast in the kind of movies where the character would have these traits. Think about it: In "Street Kings" he is an overly-paranoid alcoholic cop. In "Constantine" he is a depressed addict who has actually seen hell. In "The Matrix" he is an anti-social hacker who works a job he hates and probably has autism, who becomes unsure of whether or not he is living in the real world. And in "The Devil's Advocate", he plays a Southerner. In every one of these films, it makes sense that the character wouldn't show any real feelings, and Street Kings therefore proved to me that Keanu Reeves can, in fact, act: just only in very specific roles.<br />
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<em>Perhaps.</em></div>
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Street Kings was also nice in that it appeared to have been made by a fellow "House" addict. When Hugh Laurie (who plays the captain of the IA team investigating Forrest Whittaker's outfit) is introduced, he is in a hospital, and spends the entire scene sitting in a chair - you know, because of his limp. And whilst Liotta's character being shot in the leg and developing a limp in "Street Kings 2" may have been an homage to this (if you squint) - it just didn't have the same epic feel as the original.<br />
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<em>Or the obvious sexual tension. Speaking of which, aren't they remaking Top Gun?</em></div>
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The main problem Street Kings 2 has is that it shares its name with "Street Kings". Unfortunately, this inevitably leads to you comparing it to the original movie the whole time you are watching it, even though it was almost certainly written as a completely independant movie, and simply had the "Street Kings" name tagged on the front of its actual title, "Motor City" in order to sell more copies. And whilst this will result in people like me buying it because they enjoyed the first Street Kings, it also is gonna result in a lot of disappointment, because quite predicatbly, it does not live up to the hype which the title creates.<br />
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"Street Kings 2: Motor City" starts just terribly, with a necessary but badly shot and badly set-up scene at the start in which we see Liotta getting shot in the leg, then proceeds to get even worse. We see Liotta teaching a group of schoolchildren about police work whilst dressed in a dog suit, and it feels as though we are already straying into "Big Mommas House 2" territory only 3 minutes into the film. As Liotta meets his new partner, the stereotypical young go-getter cop who makes fun of the old ways, we start to worry about just how cliched and dull this movie is going to be, and when the murders and suspicion around which the rest of the movie revolves begin to unfold, the audience is left bored to tears - literally nothing interesting happens in the first half hour or so of this film.<br />
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Things get a little more interesting, however, when during the murder of the third cop involved in the deep cover narcotics team we open on, is murdered. The reason things become more interesting is that we see his killer: Ray Liotta. Now, this may have been fairly predictable, and I had a hunch that Liotta was going to turn out to be the killer in the end. However, revealing him as the killer so early on in the film changes the dynamic of things, and the movie is then allowed to unfold in a far more interesting fashion than if it had focussed entirely on the solving of the case, with the killer's identity being the big ending "twist". From this point on, the movie certainly becomes more interesting, as we learn more and more about Liotta's plot to get rid of the cops he thought were going to rat him out to Internal Affairs, and take revenge on the dealer who got away at the start by framing him for these murders. However, this story arc too is ultimately fairly cliched and predictable, and whilst far more enjoyable than the first quarter of the movie, still does not manage to save it.<br />
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Don't get me wrong - this film has some absolutley golden moments in, which were well worthy of the "Street Kings" branding. The discussion between Liotta and Sullivan (our hero for most of the movie) in front of the captain when the two are first paired together has one of the most inspired pieces of dialogue to come out of a straight-to-DVD release in a long time:<br />
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Kingston:<em> I worked homicide for one year and in that time I put away more criminals than you have in your whole life!</em><br />
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Sullivan: <em>I've only been on the force 9 months.</em><br />
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Kingston: <em>Exactly.</em><br />
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And the scene on the train in which the criminal who Liotta has framed for the murders is cornered, and then taped by a passenger, is incredibly well done, and was very enjoyable. And yet, this movie is lacklustre at best in the end, and didn't seem to reward the viewer with much. Whilst "Street Kings" had a plot which unfolded like an intricate web, with twists and turns being thrown in constantly, and the audience always being left in suspence right up until the finale, "Motor City" has just the one twist, and not an overly complex plot to help back it up. And whilst it is decent for a movie obviously shot on hand cameras with a very low budget, it really shouldn't have aligned itself to a much better made movie, because the comparisons just kill it.<br />
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<em>Just like Terry Crews, amirite?</em></div>
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There were other things that bothered me about "Motor City" besides the plot and Cinematography as well. The acting is fairly hit-and-miss at the best of times, and Armand Benoit, who plays Sullivan (Liotta's new partner, and the main hero of the piece) doesn't seem to be able to get into character properly - he is very clearly trying to act, rather than trying to portray a person. The head cock he does with his one liner in the closing scene is probably the worst example of this, but there are other moments throughout the film where he does this as well. Of course, he has his moments too: such as when he is in the hospital waiting room after his wife is blown up by a car bomb - but for the most parts he really doesn't seem convincing. Plus, it's fairly distracting that he looks just like a fat Shia LaBeouff.<br />
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According to Wikipedia, he played Nicholas Cage's partner in "The Bad Lieutenant", which is odd, because I'm fairly certain Val Kilmer was Cage's partner in that film - unless he has multiple partners in that film, though I must admit, I don't recall Benoit being in it. Hell, if you had just told me that Benoit was in "Bad Lieutenant" and asked me to guess who he played, I probably would have thought he was the guy who was drowning in his cell near the start, and who we see working in a hotel at the end, not Cage's partner. You know, that or I would have said he was the wrestler who killed his family and then hanged himself from his weights rack.<br />
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<em>the awkward moment when you realize a guy nicknamed "The Crippler" might have anger issues...</em></div>
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The ending, as well, just seemed really poor to me. Not only was the car exploding ridiculous and over-the-top (which I can live with, since I loved "The Long Good Friday", and that contains the most retarded vehicle explosion in motion picture history: a stock car blowing up when it crashes into another. You know, a car from that sport in which the vehicles are <em>designed</em> to crash into one another), and the fact that Sullivan somehow got out without us seeing was just as bad, but the ultimate climax of the film where he and Liotta face off was just disappointing as well. It was supposed to be a powerful emotional scene, clearly. And yet, it still didn't feel like a big deal. Not only that, but having just seen "10 to Midnight", I have a fairly good idea in my brain of what a scene involving a cop shooting an unarmed suspect who is trying to talk him out of it in full view of a bunch of other officers should look like, and the ending to "Motor City" didn't come close to that ending.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0onpOpFkCx0angv3gEymX2HYya6EsWJiDwQ9gjmqJsXefEWC7PQ7IaPjpSyDkDB0Sw6Zr9D0Ny6wKAlWtWSKOY2GSA4mhwKl-pa_Ioj-jVH-XvghZTq9D6Jfk8gmFSOYitHREEC9hZsHD/s1600/Charles_Bronson_Pointing_Gun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0onpOpFkCx0angv3gEymX2HYya6EsWJiDwQ9gjmqJsXefEWC7PQ7IaPjpSyDkDB0Sw6Zr9D0Ny6wKAlWtWSKOY2GSA4mhwKl-pa_Ioj-jVH-XvghZTq9D6Jfk8gmFSOYitHREEC9hZsHD/s400/Charles_Bronson_Pointing_Gun.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>"You want to use the ending from one of my films? No dice..."</em></div>
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All in all, a poor effort, and a real step-down for Liotta. I don't mind him starring in no-budget films - "Cop Land" was great - but this movie just didn't do it for me. And whilst it was bearable enough for me to sit through the entire thing, and not just turn it straight off and watch "Neds" instead (which I also picked up today, but decided to save on the assumption it will be the better of the two films), it had nothing on "Street Kings", or any other half-decent cop movies for that matter. It is relatively fun, with the occassional interesting or dramatic moment, but overall is a giant let-down. Hell, even the pimp-tastic car wasn't as cool as Denzel's in Training Day...<br />
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<strong>Rating:</strong><br />
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<strong>**</strong><br />
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<strong>2 stars</strong><br />
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Not an awful movie, but I wouldn't exactly recommend it either. It has its moments, but just not enough of them to keep you entertained throughout. There is a nice reversal in the style of storytelling part way through, and some of the scenes unfold nicely, but that's about all I can say for it. It is a fairly clever movie in some ways, but doesn't live up to many of its competitors in the same genre. Maybe pick this one up if you see it in a bargain bin or something, but don't spend £5 on it like I did (I got "Hard Boiled" and "The Killer" for less than that combined!). Definitely stick with the original Street Kings if you're going to watch one of them.<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-33534903108928227982012-01-16T01:56:00.000+00:002012-01-16T02:06:42.173+00:00Why the Ending of "The One" is Actually Depressing...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7r03SjKptPl28jdwm6LEClmYd1hcs3Qmh7qWergsKLZZQaiXHxIKdc_kh7AHGJknXcodDGOW0bMiH3WScVLa5C6ei9NhPvFbgZWbPcVc9oKK4yH8IUTwHlvC5WPJBcM0pimAPS69mASZm/s1600/The_One_Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7r03SjKptPl28jdwm6LEClmYd1hcs3Qmh7qWergsKLZZQaiXHxIKdc_kh7AHGJknXcodDGOW0bMiH3WScVLa5C6ei9NhPvFbgZWbPcVc9oKK4yH8IUTwHlvC5WPJBcM0pimAPS69mASZm/s1600/The_One_Poster.jpg" /></a></div>
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Last Night, I watched the Jet Li film "The One" for the first time in over 4 years. Of course, the last time I watched it wasn't the first, and as a teenager this had been one of my favourite action films. Sure it was made by the guys who effectively killed Millennium in Season 2, and the story isn't all that impressive, but it is still an enjoyable sci-fi action romp, and introduced me to both Jet Li and Jason Statham. There is one thing I had never noticed before, however, which really bothered me on this recent watch: well, 2 things, actually. The first is that Jason Statham had to look at Gabe's wedding band to know which of the pair he was when he had just seen him throw off his flaming shirt, while Yulaw still had his tied around his waist. But the most disturbing thing by far was the supposedly happy ending:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivjXA7zjVzXGvdL9nFuA0G2TUTusue4Bh3CC1e1IYiA59lJSjcNuDXGLE922_Q5rB2J7Vqzi5hn9F43QVL-2AaDaZ4FB6HcsyTVgJtZW4u5QVRK-jzfpvVfJwpSe9pOvWxBJqg-pebS4QA/s1600/The_One_Jet_Li_Ending.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivjXA7zjVzXGvdL9nFuA0G2TUTusue4Bh3CC1e1IYiA59lJSjcNuDXGLE922_Q5rB2J7Vqzi5hn9F43QVL-2AaDaZ4FB6HcsyTVgJtZW4u5QVRK-jzfpvVfJwpSe9pOvWxBJqg-pebS4QA/s640/The_One_Jet_Li_Ending.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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You see, at the end, Gabe has lost his wife, and is wanted for her murder, as well as the murders of several police officers. If he returns to his own world, he will be put in prison for the rest of his life which, given he was a cop, probably won't be a very long one. Funsch decides that he owes Gabe more than this, so breaks procedure to send him to a different world: one in which there is clean energy, and his wife is still alive. Whilst on the face of it this seems like a fairly happy ending for Gabe, all things considered, when you really think about it, this ending is pretty horrifying.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbrV2RV9NkDvVXVBbeYLIJWOuWzXctBvL0AL3J40i-CBfdqsUF3vvQrIKms2o6mL5OdFSNmeP8eELusHT5oBABJ8zzLUAMT_Tjoit-AiOBG3VBX_PGOQG4AnmY3tpVPlE36R8UMiBULNlA/s1600/pick_up_the_soap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbrV2RV9NkDvVXVBbeYLIJWOuWzXctBvL0AL3J40i-CBfdqsUF3vvQrIKms2o6mL5OdFSNmeP8eELusHT5oBABJ8zzLUAMT_Tjoit-AiOBG3VBX_PGOQG4AnmY3tpVPlE36R8UMiBULNlA/s400/pick_up_the_soap.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Ok, horrifying is a relative term...</em></div>
<em></em><br />
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For starters: As we are informed earlier in the film, things are completely different in each universe. As Funsch explains to Gabe: "In this Universe, you exist. In another you don't exist. In another, you're married to the same woman. In another, you're married to a different woman. In another, you're married to a man." - literally everything could be different. Gabe appears to have been dropped into a nicer version of his own Universe, about 3 years prior to the point his world has reached, because he has been dropped at the exact place and time he initially met his wife. His dog gets its paw run over by a car, and Gabe takes him into the vets, where T.K. (or, her alternate universe equivalent) is working, and Gabe realizes that this is how they met in the first place, and they can fall in love all over again.<br />
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But here's the problem: for starters, we don't know what's different in this Universe. She could be a Lesbian, or already have a boyfriend or husband. Hell, she may just straight up dislike the idea of dating a Chinese dude. Her personality will be completely different. And that's important - because even if she is a very similar person to T.K., and she and Gabe do end up getting together, it's going to be impossible for that relationship to last when he already has an idea of what his wife is like in his head before, as far as she's concerned, he ever meets her. I've never watched 500 Days of Summer, but I've been informed that it revolves around a guy who starts dating a girl named Summer, and falls in love with the idea of who she could turn out to be, as created in his head. When she doesn't live up to these fantasies, the relationship inevitably breaks down, because it's not really her that he's in love with, but some fictional concept of who she could have been. The same thing applies here: No matter how similar the woman in this universe may be to Gabe's wife, she is not Gabe's wife, and this will inevitably lead to their relationship, if they ever form one, falling apart. Not to mention the fact that even if they are completely identical to one another (something Yulaw's list of kills at the start tells us she won't be), she's gonna find it pretty creepy how fast he wants to go with her, and how much he knows about her in so little time, and might just break it off due to pressure. But even if, somehow, their relationship does hold under all these problems: There's still the fact that Gabe watches his wife being murdered in front of him only an hour before meeting this woman, and hasn't had time to get over it - which <strong>will</strong> fuck him up.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTXxul-PLkGtewS3ccjJlPxFncwzm99mkVq-JL0hx7Zzxwdi5yXmT2P_vARHUF4GkJznTjvz3ECZwUJxwoual9lncek8BOcen0pRdMvPp1IzyGvm2q-GgingpqyHe40Ll1FKjCh_RuZU4y/s1600/Mindless_Lamp_Post_Destruction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="341" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTXxul-PLkGtewS3ccjJlPxFncwzm99mkVq-JL0hx7Zzxwdi5yXmT2P_vARHUF4GkJznTjvz3ECZwUJxwoual9lncek8BOcen0pRdMvPp1IzyGvm2q-GgingpqyHe40Ll1FKjCh_RuZU4y/s400/Mindless_Lamp_Post_Destruction.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>No matter how much of his anger he vents on innocent lamp posts...</em></div>
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<em></em>I've never really lost anyone, so I'm pretty well just going off the opening episodes of House season 5 here, but as far as I can tell it is extremely painful, and just thinking about it should be enough to cause Gabe to collapse to the floor crying and not be heard from for days. Now, imagine that, but with a constant reminder in your face every single day of exactly what your wife looked like, and exactly the kind of life you could have led together had she not been murdered, and Gabe is almost a dead cert for suicide. Hell, he even says earlier in the film that he doesn't care if he dies now that she is gone - is it really a good idea to give him a reminder of her just when he seems like he might be able to cope?<br />
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<em>House tells me the only way he will be able to cope is by taking a road trip with his best friend to a funeral, and throwing a bottle through a stained-glass window...</em></div>
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Even if he doesn't kill himself (I assume Yulaw has to kill him to become The One, otherwise it would have happened by coincidence before now, so he won't refrain from doing it just to protect the multiverse), Gabe is still going to be a mess around this new version of T.K. for several months at least, if he ever recovers - and it's not as if he'll ever be able to talk about what happened, except in the very broadest sense: "I was married to a woman who was murdered by a man who wanted me dead" "why did he want you dead?" "uh... because I was a cop?" - Gabe is going to be one seriously fucked up guy who no amount of counselling will help, and who is gonna need to knock back 40mg of Valium to sleep at night. <br />
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<em>Too soon?</em></div>
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But wait - perhaps becoming stronger has made him more tolerant to poisons? It would certainly make sense, given that it is possible to build tolerances to Benzoes, Opiates and other drugs - so perhaps Gabe will need enough tranquilizer to kill an Elephant just to sleep at night - and how the fuck is he gonna get that prescribed? He's not, which means either he has to man up and get over his wife's death (which he won't, being constantly reminded of her), or he's going to have to go out and score ridiculous amounts of drugs illegally. Either way, he's fucked.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBjlKD0mGfQLD4vffNmQ2DuKQZuH656ZpMgA_ugh9ELhLaKRc3RKs0sYdGknlqm0XnqCH2jXy50jhnIch0jBRp0gItT9q5OPaAYBSaN4m_YK8uvMXk8CF5-VNtyTtmUIFZK48QfOrTCUQ/s1600/Jet_Li_Dolph_Lundgren_Fight_Scene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBjlKD0mGfQLD4vffNmQ2DuKQZuH656ZpMgA_ugh9ELhLaKRc3RKs0sYdGknlqm0XnqCH2jXy50jhnIch0jBRp0gItT9q5OPaAYBSaN4m_YK8uvMXk8CF5-VNtyTtmUIFZK48QfOrTCUQ/s640/Jet_Li_Dolph_Lundgren_Fight_Scene.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>And we all know Jet Li's track record with Junkies...</em></div>
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And then we get onto the question of whether he has existed before in that Universe or not. As we know, there is a possibilty there was another Gabe in that Universe before him, and whilst there is no chance of him running into the alternate version of himself, since we know he and Yulaw are the only 2 left, there is always the chance of this alternate Gabe's history catching up with Gabe.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuH1azJmOsPkOfu7jCbFV9xjcZ5ltZlJoVrC_yUY_wrut4_LISFomKpwb5S1YNo4W6NbPBR_mbXF2HvJfmQAuDOqkn8-J1LD0jpamkT8Eo-MREZxWY5SoKOepJhTErt_lqkTFCoZHVUaCo/s1600/Stallone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuH1azJmOsPkOfu7jCbFV9xjcZ5ltZlJoVrC_yUY_wrut4_LISFomKpwb5S1YNo4W6NbPBR_mbXF2HvJfmQAuDOqkn8-J1LD0jpamkT8Eo-MREZxWY5SoKOepJhTErt_lqkTFCoZHVUaCo/s320/Stallone.png" width="298" /></a></div>
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<em>Where's that Chinese Manservant of mine gone? It's shower time!</em></div>
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Think about it: at the start, we see another alternate Jet Li, Lawless, being transferred from prison to a courthouse cell, because he is going to give testimony against some mobsters. Imagine if something along these lines had gone on in this universe. Maybe the alternate Gabe had been in protective custody when Yulaw killed him. Now, what's to stop someone from seeing Gabe and recognizing him as the alternate Gabe, and killing him for this, just as Tony Soprano did to that guy he saw whilst driving his daughter around colleges in the first season?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibklstUFthfvfrvntzUMgnWoJOGi4yIHF4FTK-5Gv3zs61DfEbm4xsSx4YnutYayY3WgjWtDfnQqeMtmEGh5PxJglF_oFG5gXg4IGQWAVfagLCwYw2_ZXLOYVCq046JISWzTPgeARif_AY/s1600/You_Live_Like_A_Snitch_You_Gon%2527_Die_Like_A_Bitch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibklstUFthfvfrvntzUMgnWoJOGi4yIHF4FTK-5Gv3zs61DfEbm4xsSx4YnutYayY3WgjWtDfnQqeMtmEGh5PxJglF_oFG5gXg4IGQWAVfagLCwYw2_ZXLOYVCq046JISWzTPgeARif_AY/s400/You_Live_Like_A_Snitch_You_Gon%2527_Die_Like_A_Bitch.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Being Choked to death with electrical wire isn't normal. </em></div>
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<em>But when Snitching it is...</em></div>
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And even if the alternate Gabe wasn't a criminal, Gabe had better hope that no-one has heard of him. If he lived in the same area, or was an at all known figure, then Gabe's fucked. But you know what? That doesn't really matter - because Gabe is fucked anyway. And you know why?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuH1azJmOsPkOfu7jCbFV9xjcZ5ltZlJoVrC_yUY_wrut4_LISFomKpwb5S1YNo4W6NbPBR_mbXF2HvJfmQAuDOqkn8-J1LD0jpamkT8Eo-MREZxWY5SoKOepJhTErt_lqkTFCoZHVUaCo/s1600/Stallone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuH1azJmOsPkOfu7jCbFV9xjcZ5ltZlJoVrC_yUY_wrut4_LISFomKpwb5S1YNo4W6NbPBR_mbXF2HvJfmQAuDOqkn8-J1LD0jpamkT8Eo-MREZxWY5SoKOepJhTErt_lqkTFCoZHVUaCo/s320/Stallone.png" width="298" /></a></div>
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<em>No, I mean seriously.</em></div>
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<em></em><br />
He is a Chinese man with no form of identification, no home, and no money, who has been dropped into a town centre in the United States. Even in the most Liberal interpretation of the modern world possible (which one presumes this apparent Utopia is, given everyone drives an electric powered car and there's no smog in Hollywood), that's not going to end well. Gabe is essentially (scratch that: <strong>is</strong>) an illegal immigrant. He has no family, nobody knows him - he is going to have to fend for himself. He was a cop his whole life, but with no history, he cannot possibly become a police officer in this Universe. So what can he do? Well, he can either hope that this alternate Universe is more socialist and that T.K.'s job will be enough to support them both comfortably, and that he can get her to marry him without her finding him too creepy or him wanting to commit suicide because of his wife's murder, or he can live like an illegal immigrant in modern America: working a shitty job for fuck all money and being constantly abused because he essentially has no rights. Hell, one of the best case scenarios would play out with him becoming a delivery boy for a Chinese restaurant, and even then there's a chance someone mistaking him for a Jap might pull him off his bike and slash his throat before he has a chance to defend himself. You know, that or he would be bored shitless and resent his new life, causing his new wife to grow tired of him and leave him. To be honest, it looks as though there is really only one solution for Gabe at this point:<br />
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That's right - join the triads. Think about it: he's super smart, extremely capable, and ridiculously strong. He managed to beat down the most powerful man in the Universe: in <strong>any</strong> Universe. When I was a kid, they told us we could either be cops, or criminals. What I'm saying to you is: when you're an illegal immigrant who's gonna get deported if he tries to become a cop, which option are you going to take?<br />
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<em>3rd choice...</em></div>
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But ok, Gabe's too moral to become a triad, even if he knows there's a chance the police will turn him and he can work for them after all. He's not going to become a Mercenary either, so what does that leave us with? There's really only one option left if he wants to earn a decent living doing something he's good at:<br />
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That's right - he has to become a cage fighter, working in seedy underground clubs, beating the shit out of anyone who faces him until one day some guy who lost big time betting against him blows him away with a Mac 10 as he walks out the back of a nightclub. His life cut tragically short.<br />
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<em>Mel Gibson finds the idea of a Chinaman dying hilarious, whereas Danny Glover is screaming because Gibson is crushing his hand for "being too black".</em></div>
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Or, you know, he could become a professional sportsman or actor or some shit. But then, that wouldn't fit in with the point I'm trying to make here. And that point is, even if things seem rosy, and Gabe's new home looks like paradise, chances are things are still pretty fucked, and he'll no doubt spend the rest of his life wishing he had killed Yulaw, on the assumption that he would either rather be dead than keep on keeping on, or there was a possibility he could have become Doctor Manhattan when he was the last one left alive (I mean, his wife was Silk Spectre, afterall).<br />
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<em>Oh, you thought I was kidding?</em></div>
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In fact, the only person for whom this ending is happy is - you guessed it - Yulaw.
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<em>Don't worry - Chinese New Year will be over soon enough, then I can get back to discussing topics which have nothing to do with the Chinese...</em>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-57015464680172962062012-01-10T05:28:00.000+00:002012-01-10T17:32:30.599+00:00'10 to Midnight' Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij_1LDMkHua0nwqCha3uaTHK4PsaRL9s-3GjlQaDAdDfZff8BaLO8kabtbonCHfbfwSxcFo2xCU1POUUs3YZSiOIPx0nwT2LwteN-6vl-P0ibF6glvlHVzXv6YyWlU7tiyxqeTPDBkENnl/s1600/10_to_Midnight_Charles_Bronson_Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij_1LDMkHua0nwqCha3uaTHK4PsaRL9s-3GjlQaDAdDfZff8BaLO8kabtbonCHfbfwSxcFo2xCU1POUUs3YZSiOIPx0nwT2LwteN-6vl-P0ibF6glvlHVzXv6YyWlU7tiyxqeTPDBkENnl/s1600/10_to_Midnight_Charles_Bronson_Cover.jpg" /></a></div>
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My brother received this movie from one of our uncles as a gift for Christmas, but not being an awfully big fan of Charles Bronson or vigilante action movies, he gave it straight to me. I went into this film expecting something along the lines of Deathwish, but with only one villain. Instead what I got was the obvious precurser to American Psycho, and plenty of the shots used in this film were clearly in Harron's mind when she directed that film, if not in Brett Easton Ellis's when he wrote the novel.<br />
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<em>Although a psychadelic version of this picture would probably give you a more accurate representation of what goes on in Ellis's head...</em> </div>
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This movie came out 3 years after Ted Bundy was incarcerated for multiple homicides, and was clearly written as a reaction to that case. It also includes elements of Richard Speck's killing spree - though that will be discussed later. I have to say, however, I was incredibly impressed by this portrayal of a serial killer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0FPFXCZXPvuN04OA_MGDB9i_ZtPZ8LjtphrLg-AVR7_Oeb4L8O6BIvcOzxA4kvehLuG8i5yA0toIyrhNDwotEPBoTna7dCKUb8c3Y8FP5oUXHfadXJopx0CMJt1usiUjDTUeH31Bo4cdL/s1600/10_to_Midnight_Warren_Stacey_Gene_Davis_Killer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0FPFXCZXPvuN04OA_MGDB9i_ZtPZ8LjtphrLg-AVR7_Oeb4L8O6BIvcOzxA4kvehLuG8i5yA0toIyrhNDwotEPBoTna7dCKUb8c3Y8FP5oUXHfadXJopx0CMJt1usiUjDTUeH31Bo4cdL/s1600/10_to_Midnight_Warren_Stacey_Gene_Davis_Killer.jpg" /></a></div>
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Right from the off, we see a lot of Patrick Bateman in our killer, Warren Stacy. He is played by a young Gene Davis, who looks to be about Bateman's age - 26, or possibly a little younger. Perhaps having seen American Psycho and loving it means I'm going to give this movie a little more credit than I should for showing us a similar character some 17 years beforehand, but really, the similarities are astonishing. Stacy is seen very early on walking through his apartment in his underwear, showing off a very muscular but lean physique. The character takes his time styling his hair, and applying moisturizer or aftershave to his face, before selecting the clothes he is going to wear. Every element of this scene screams "Blue Collar Patrick Bateman", and the similarities were far from over then. Not only is Stacey shown to be a film buff like Bateman (though, his music tastes are never discussed, so who knows if he has the new 'Genesis'?), but Stacy is also seen committing several murders throughout the movie, and always commits them completely naked. The shots usually focus on his back or face, with many of the shots being incredibly similar to those used in American Psycho. Hell, in the climax, when he grabs the girl he is after and she burns his face with a hair curler or some similar iron-like equipment, I was almost expecting him to shout "Not the face! You bitch! Not the fucking face, you piece of bitch trash!" - and when he then proceeds to chase her outside, running down the street completely naked and coated in blood whilst carrying a knife. Well, it was almost identical to Christie's escape attempt in American Psycho.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmbEtNwn3B1rjILwEn9pBnKH9tzkA4zyuK_mQI1H8GziKQIUlMTr5Hc4wQa9YpeeFOxgAA5p0YV_tRLnud6F4xhSJ8AndSPXw7EV3qgpmknUTtJ3mPAU_2DpmhF-BW30OcVUQEA_c2WpqJ/s1600/American_Psycho_Chainsaw_Scene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmbEtNwn3B1rjILwEn9pBnKH9tzkA4zyuK_mQI1H8GziKQIUlMTr5Hc4wQa9YpeeFOxgAA5p0YV_tRLnud6F4xhSJ8AndSPXw7EV3qgpmknUTtJ3mPAU_2DpmhF-BW30OcVUQEA_c2WpqJ/s1600/American_Psycho_Chainsaw_Scene.jpg" /></a></div>
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<em>Lots of man-arse and blood, with some shadow-covered crotch thrown in to boot.</em></div>
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Stacey is also shown to be a very intelligent killer, and definitely a ladies man. We see him setting up his alibi for the first murder by going into a cinema and sitting with two girls, hitting on them blatantly, and offering them popcorn. When the more attractive of the two, who he is seated directly next to, decides he's a creep and drags her friend (who is gasping for it, naturally) away from him to another row, Stacey waits a few moments until they are settled, before sneaking out to the cinema's bathroom, where he climbs out the window, and proceeds to drive to the scene of his crime. After the murder, we see the lights come up in the theatre, and the two girls walking out - and of course Stacey is sitting there, cool as anything, and gets up to chat with them on his way out. He sets up his alibi like a rock, and then when the more interested of the two girls starts showing an interest in him when he no longer needs them, he blows her off and goes home. He is arrogant, ingeniously obnoxious, and one hell of a charmer. A real Ted Bundy (or Pat Bateman). These two factors are really important in propelling the story along, as Stacey's intelligence forces Bronson's character to move further and further outside of the law to try and pin something on him, which eventually culminates in Bronson's having to leave the force after he is found to have planted evidence. Stacey is incredibly intelligent, and leaves no trace behind - and this intelligence and planning is what helps the climax of the movie to unfold in such a dramatic fashion.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AYAWTsVZsaBGkNe9MsYVDzxJhfsPwtDNl5L3sDTJqrimP_9ZPC3taK6W0SUPq1gP5gt3nPhhvQtgszSm5fnNW3j_jj90CDWYHCxdna5WPCOq8m7npCSnBI1p-Jt1GpGVsQLGafZntgCA/s1600/Charles_Bronson_Jacking_off.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AYAWTsVZsaBGkNe9MsYVDzxJhfsPwtDNl5L3sDTJqrimP_9ZPC3taK6W0SUPq1gP5gt3nPhhvQtgszSm5fnNW3j_jj90CDWYHCxdna5WPCOq8m7npCSnBI1p-Jt1GpGVsQLGafZntgCA/s400/Charles_Bronson_Jacking_off.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Uh, not that type of climax, Charlie.</em></div>
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Towards the end, Bronson's character is tailing Stacey, trying to get something he can pin on him, or else look for some excuse to take him out; whilst Stacey is out for revenge for Bronson's meddling in his murder spree, and has his sights set on killing Bronson's daughter. In order to lose Bronson, Stacey makes it appear as though he is going to kill a prostitute to satisfy his needs, then as Bronson attempts to follow him to the hotel he takes her to in order to catch him in the act, Stacey slips out the back and drives over to the nursing college where Bronson's daughter lives, and re-enacts Richard Speck's infamous killing spree, leading to that climactic running scene in the street. Everything about the character of Stacey is so unbelievably well thought out and accurate, that I wouldn't be surprised if Bundy had written the film himself. Hell, Stacey even drives a Volkswagon Beetle - the only difference is he repairs typewriters for a living, rather than being some fancy fucker with a law degree...<br />
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<em>Unlike this tubby bastard. Who is straight out of Compton, I might add...</em></div>
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The moments of clear insanity Stacey seems to have are fantastic as well - the way he finds girls being turned on by him to be a massive turn-off, his Mexican alter-ego Padro, and the way he snaps and goes into a fit of rage at just the wrong word, when maintaining such a cool, calm, collected persona the rest of the time, is also classic Bateman. Ok, we can't imagine Stacey shoving a fifty in the hand of a crack dealer, then eating all five vials as he is handed them. Nor can we imagine Stacey actually hallucinating he has bile-dripping fangs and eyes that roll back in his head, but which no-one notices - but the crazy dark side underlying the cool, handsome exterior is still definitely there, and underplaying it as the film version of "American Psycho" did with Bateman leaves us with the sense that we have a killer who, whilst obviously insane, is still completely in control of his actions, and still one hell of a guy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs7rnf5GCJ1vt08mfcyGe35vtbQNVRYk6i-L8u8eVxaTop3EqU8e4izGU6LSk80xCuNeI8wG6XEIl9Ks3RugI5oh_cieMnxTLxfEN3-zN7hebEClwQRR_-moIhgUhCOivd1MSnhAejwDAI/s1600/on_set_with_Christian_Bale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs7rnf5GCJ1vt08mfcyGe35vtbQNVRYk6i-L8u8eVxaTop3EqU8e4izGU6LSk80xCuNeI8wG6XEIl9Ks3RugI5oh_cieMnxTLxfEN3-zN7hebEClwQRR_-moIhgUhCOivd1MSnhAejwDAI/s1600/on_set_with_Christian_Bale.jpg" /></a></div>
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<em>I fucking love this guy. He's a total bro, bro. </em></div>
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The other characters in the piece are fairly dull, with Bronson being the typical old-school cop who will do anything to get his conviction, who is lumbered with a partner who wants to play by the rules. There are a few touches added to make things more interesting, such as the new partner becoming involved with Bronson's daughter, and the fact that the first girl murdered was a friend of the daughter, so Bronson knows the family, but it's all pretty standard stuff. The only really different moment comes right at the end of the film, and you know I'm about to spoil it, so watch out if you really want this to be a surprise. After the scene where Stacey chases Bronson's daughter from the nursing college down the road whilst naked, Bronson catches up in time, and grabs a hold of his daughter, gun pointed at Stacey. The police back-up he called for arrives, and Bronson hands his daughter off to his ex-partner, still keeping the gun trained on Stacey. At this point, Stacey starts to tell Bronson that the most recent murders were all his fault, for putting the pressure on him that he did, and tells him that he hears voices telling him to kill, and is sick. Bronson sees that he will clearly get off with the insanity plea he is trying to establish, and earlier in the film we hear Bronson's story of another man he arrested who was found insane and let out of hospital after six months, only to kill his parole officer the next day, so Bronson just does what Charlie does best, and shoots Stacey through the head in full view of a dozen police officers whilst he is posing no immediate danger to anyone. And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the film ends. Bronson takes his shot, and his daughter screams "Dad! Noooo!", we then show a wide-shot of the scene, and crane upwards as the credits start to roll. Charlie will be blamed for all three of the murders committed since he planted the evidence, and will no doubt receive life for killing Stacey himself, but goes away knowing that he managed to stop a psychopath, and that his daughter will be in safe hands with his ex-partner.<br />
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<em>And I mean, come on, Bronson's not gonna go through an entire movie without using his gun once He knows what the people paid to see...</em></div>
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This movie, then, completely exceeded my expectations in every way. The violence is very disappointing, with no actual gore being shown - every time Stacey kills someone it is with a quick stab to the stomach, and they drop down dead instantly. However, this can be chalked up to the fact that it's a movie about a serial killer from 1983 and already includes plenty of nudity, and there is still a lot of blood, even if there isn't any actual gore. Whilst this overly-tame level of violence detracts from the film in a way by making it less realistic, it at least means it doesn't feel like a slasher flick, with none of the violence being overly gratuitous, or seemingly being the point of the movie, which is great. Hell, it's nice to see a movie where a guy can chase a naked girl and stab her to death which isn't designed for twisted loners to jack off to, and the way the killing are handled, although far less graphic in their nature, again are the obvious precursor to American Psycho (let us not forget that Harron decided to let Al die from a couple of stabs to the stomach, rather than have his eyes cut out, his lower abdomen stabbed countless tines, and the brige of his nose cut to pieces, because you don't need a film to be overly violent to appreciate it, even when violence is one of the main themes). Or hell, they could even be seen as an homage to the original Psycho, in which we never actually see a blade stick in anyone, but know exactly what has happened.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil8IUkLZuLS6OoAmonqNfd2vxmJB1bt40qFs-US7l_xTbXMO2j1c9l2Vy4AU5BRqofIsHhfvjFoQMSB-HdOv8_tDcVYNsYOLj5yKkxMjdeGDwW0k77qlWkDXs3w_V0IQCoYvovoQAQ75t4/s1600/Janet_Leigh_Psycho.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil8IUkLZuLS6OoAmonqNfd2vxmJB1bt40qFs-US7l_xTbXMO2j1c9l2Vy4AU5BRqofIsHhfvjFoQMSB-HdOv8_tDcVYNsYOLj5yKkxMjdeGDwW0k77qlWkDXs3w_V0IQCoYvovoQAQ75t4/s320/Janet_Leigh_Psycho.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<em>Her daughter made a living in the exact same way. Weird that...</em></div>
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The way the movie is told both from Stacey and Bronson's perspective is also pretty cool, and although nothing new, is certainly new with two characters of these types. The story is incredibly well written, and for the most part is very well acted (Stacey's boss was particularly awful, and Bronson just played himself, but what do you expect?). Some of the dialogue is absolutely brilliant, such as the following conversation as Stacey and his legal team exit the court after the pre-trial hearing for his murder charge:<br />
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<strong>Defence Attorney:</strong> <em>And furthermore, we intend to show that the police evidence is false, and fabricated.</em><br />
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<strong>Journalist:</strong> <em>What do you mean, "fabricated"?</em><br />
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<strong>Defence Attorney:</strong> <em>You want a Dictionary?</em><br />
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The music is also pretty good, just sitting in the background for the most part, apart from in the opening title scene, where the intro music is heart-pumping, and really gets you ready for the film. As for the direction and cinematography, were you not here when I said the ending scene looks just like the Chainsaw scene from American Psycho?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicNQE8FRgcw22wKM01GrBCMbwWH6KhMWc-OHXiJ-k8R4fsYOubA8fRCcXQS43JhZ03FKOkF2a_xzg4QJmj2A4_ZoHxcKOWVhzDqDV6-w_VEE6VkJripowWLmPwnkpVMJjOsaRpGdYU9KFE/s1600/oh_baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicNQE8FRgcw22wKM01GrBCMbwWH6KhMWc-OHXiJ-k8R4fsYOubA8fRCcXQS43JhZ03FKOkF2a_xzg4QJmj2A4_ZoHxcKOWVhzDqDV6-w_VEE6VkJripowWLmPwnkpVMJjOsaRpGdYU9KFE/s1600/oh_baby.jpg" /></a></div>
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<em>I was gonna post it here, but all American Psycho videos on YouTube have embedding disabled.</em></div>
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<strong>Rating:</strong><br />
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<strong>****</strong><br />
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<strong>4 Stars</strong><br />
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I'm probably being overly biased here, seeing a lot of American Psycho in this film is making me rate it higher because I love seeing where Harron took her influences from. However, it is a solid serial killer movie, one of the best, and is certainly worth a watch. This far outstips the low-budget horror adaptations of real killers, from 'Gacy' to "Edmund Kemper: The Coed Killer" (which, incidentally, had almost nothing to do with Ed Kemper and was set in 2000-something rather than the 70s, revolving around the manhunt for this killer by his best friend, a cop, when in real life Kemper was caught when he <em>called the police and</em> <em>confessed</em>), and is even better than the movie "Bundy", based on the life of Al Green. Wait. Ted Bundy. Of course, these were all low budget pieces, and can't be expected to live up to a proper studio movie. However, with a budget of 4 and a half million dollars and made in 1983, you'll notice that this film was cheaper than Escape From New York, which is often credited as being an "ultra-low piece" (and fucking awesome) and came out 2 years later, so wasn't exactly well-funded either. Hell, I imagine this film was the precursor to all those straight-to-DVD action films where they pay the star $5 Million and only spend $2 million on the film itself, with Bronson probably being paid the majority of the $4.5 Million just because they knew his name would sell the film. And hell, it worked, because I watched it, which I wouldn't have had it not had Bronson in (since that's almost certainly the ground on which my uncle bought it). So, great film, very enjoyable, and probably the 3rd best Serial killer film out there (After American Psycho and Silence of the Lambs. Both also based on Bundy, interestingly enough). Of course, I'm not including the fantastic Television series "MillenniuM" in that statement, but nevertheless it's still one hell of an accolade - and I'm going to be sure to recommend this movie to everyone I know who enjoyed American Psycho, even if the antagonist of the piece doesn't have a penchant for Valentino Couture Suits and Oliver People's Glasses (non-prescription).<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong><br />
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<em>P.S. - Shit, was I really THAT fat? God damn!</em><br />
<span class="linksoda"></span>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-20425052554405822542012-01-09T04:52:00.000+00:002012-01-09T04:59:24.269+00:00Hard Boiled Review<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsZfIn3sk-_wTPe9SpqRiriRUt8YI9RnXAXvLweqedebaka91VppCC3sqElOnb_PA9rt9VqdW6E4XCrXvICOyeM2YnMpz0dmOM5JlWSx-KRhJCQNRA8bQkjUq4jw07k7CV0Ob50dTXY1Jd/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Blu_Ray_Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsZfIn3sk-_wTPe9SpqRiriRUt8YI9RnXAXvLweqedebaka91VppCC3sqElOnb_PA9rt9VqdW6E4XCrXvICOyeM2YnMpz0dmOM5JlWSx-KRhJCQNRA8bQkjUq4jw07k7CV0Ob50dTXY1Jd/s640/Hard_Boiled_Blu_Ray_Cover.jpg" width="498" /></a></div>
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When I was looking for cool pictures to use in my review of "<a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2012/01/killer-review.html">The Killer</a>", I kept coming across awesome images of Chow Yun Fat John-Wooing up the Place, but was unable to use them because they were all screenshots from Hard Boiled. So, I'm gonna add this as Part 2 of my review of Hong Kong Legends DVDs, and let you all know what I thought of Hard Boiled. Whilst breaking the monotony of text with pictures like this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJSjk9CG9XO3i3OnhuZNf71vFtoiyq-9uFKndacuBLb26spw8LaosSAF8XiP_9IVbUuIqYI1Ly8O3GLAVaO2xOnqxmYlxDzKdW_erjRQE0lYuRJ7RQtFO4QSaj8UeXrSp-vyvmEcZ2tfnd/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Mid_Air_Shotgun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJSjk9CG9XO3i3OnhuZNf71vFtoiyq-9uFKndacuBLb26spw8LaosSAF8XiP_9IVbUuIqYI1Ly8O3GLAVaO2xOnqxmYlxDzKdW_erjRQE0lYuRJ7RQtFO4QSaj8UeXrSp-vyvmEcZ2tfnd/s400/Hard_Boiled_Mid_Air_Shotgun.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Hard Boiled is a completely over-the-top action flick from John Woo in which Chow Yun Fat wields a shotgun capable of blowing up a car with a single round (not by blowing up the fuel tank - we're talking grenade-sized explosions going off on the shell of a car here), and whilst this alone would undoubtedly make the movie worth watching, it has plenty of other merits too.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhMrhX9Y-zpg1GmbizY3OUlN0MJL7I0TU5MUe56p8JUt31HfdyEQujINtE2vZ4HBI2Ofr-HtdnKmudtWHRFvtle5nDji0rRis9splRhPzu8NvgRtg5QpFL5LRrwEuzjOrtxKl60brJVpa/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Chow_Yun_Fat_Midair_Shooting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhMrhX9Y-zpg1GmbizY3OUlN0MJL7I0TU5MUe56p8JUt31HfdyEQujINtE2vZ4HBI2Ofr-HtdnKmudtWHRFvtle5nDji0rRis9splRhPzu8NvgRtg5QpFL5LRrwEuzjOrtxKl60brJVpa/s400/Hard_Boiled_Chow_Yun_Fat_Midair_Shooting.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Such as Chow Yun Fat jumping through the air with a pistol in each hand...</em></div>
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The first half of the film focuses on Chow Yun Fat's Inspector Tequila trying to find info on a large-scale Triad arms-importation business, which is intercut with the story of Long, a Triad soldier who finds himself working his way up the ranks, until he betrays his former boss to the heavy hitter handling the arms Tequila is searching for. Whilst the action is pretty insane, and the scenes outside of the action either camp and light, as on Tequila's side, or dark and foreboding, as on Long's side, the story is pretty well a run of the mill tale of Cop vs Criminal. Right up until Tequila raids the storage building one of the Triad shipments is being held in, and all hell breaks loose.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBeCwEHetUdpL1jGaAObWU2t_eQ9dI-kGGyHhf3LHBL5r1ZHD1JEZFxySrJAl2gxuV88cSgdtXFgKU3MgHPb1CdjpRqUR4DUYfpuUTXyvibnCcCQvxbsaROMahyphenhypheniTLgAenYSM_DMjJKGEm/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Long_and_Tequila_Standoff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBeCwEHetUdpL1jGaAObWU2t_eQ9dI-kGGyHhf3LHBL5r1ZHD1JEZFxySrJAl2gxuV88cSgdtXFgKU3MgHPb1CdjpRqUR4DUYfpuUTXyvibnCcCQvxbsaROMahyphenhypheniTLgAenYSM_DMjJKGEm/s400/Hard_Boiled_Long_and_Tequila_Standoff.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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As the Triads flee (or, in most cases, get shot to death), Tequila is left facing off with two of the top shooters, Mad Dog, and Long. After popping smoke to get free of Mad Dog, Tequila rounds on long with a revolver in his hand, and squeezes the trigger. Click. Long takes a good look at Tequila, then uncocks his weapon, and we suddenly realize what is amiss. Long, of course, is a cop. From this point on, the story focusses on the work of the pair to bring down the triads, one from the outside, one from the inside, with the dramatic climax taking up damn near the whole second half of the movie. In terms of sheer scale, Hard Boiled is one of the boldest action films ever created - staging what is effectively an entire war in a hospital for the second half, as the pair discover that this is the main deposit for the triad weapons they have been tracking.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxdQMqOo94icFYwoJc1rJT4KZnBr1MK3nrUblzjtD8GNYb4YFS3D02NVFdBbz15ZWJ4-wcmqq2SWGkhpysneCLdTUxVB9pxhyGInB_U1bPPu5YDBJd9DVwPMj1LKmaxPkvUNnlXTFyzV-G/s1600/hard_boiled_hospital.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxdQMqOo94icFYwoJc1rJT4KZnBr1MK3nrUblzjtD8GNYb4YFS3D02NVFdBbz15ZWJ4-wcmqq2SWGkhpysneCLdTUxVB9pxhyGInB_U1bPPu5YDBJd9DVwPMj1LKmaxPkvUNnlXTFyzV-G/s400/hard_boiled_hospital.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Elements of the story are incredibly well written, and certainly on a par with The Killer. The scene when Tequila first visits Long after discovering he is an undercover cop is very powerful, as we get an insight into Long's world. Tequila asks Long why he has so many paper cranes hanging from the ceiling, and Long responds that he hates them, and so forces himself to make one every time he kills a person. It may sound cheesy taken out of context like that, but it is actually an incredibly insightful and moving scene. This, combined with the other scenes offering insight into Long's life as an undercover - such as the scene where he forgets it's his birthday until the Chief Inspector running him reminds him, or the scene where he tells Tequila that someday he hopes to leave it all behind and move to Antartica, where it is light 24 hours a day in the summer and he can finally come out of the dark - create a very strong character in Long, and it is probably the best insight into the life of a deep undercover cop prior to the release of The Departed. The bond which forms between the two is believable, and whilst they do have their ridiculous moments, the chemistry between the pair feel real. They actually seem to care about one another by the end. Yun Fat's early reaction to his partner's death in the opening Teahouse scene also helps set up the type of character he will be playing - and whilst he still has the air of "The Killer" about him, in many ways Tequila is the opposite side of the spectrum to Ah Jong. Both are arrogant, and both are caring of the people they love. But Tequila seems to want to have fun, and is in his job for the thrill - which makes a weird juxtaposition with the very early death of his partner, and the seriousness with which the bond between him and Long is shown to grow. In essence, Woo has once again given us the story of two men from different background but who have very similar personalities - it's just the twist this time is they're both cops.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwVAUh72NtVUG8kq1vo08MwiI4d0qnZ8C1wlKCWU-6H1zjFgkHJBjIz6mUpKCn5_PdiRMdQJNGsVNY0zpgQ-IBrj6AfILdqg-B6EJ9FVkDp0CRLKjp55CAXAJTYX2KnO3kILLsR3j7xoyO/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Hospital_Gun_Scene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwVAUh72NtVUG8kq1vo08MwiI4d0qnZ8C1wlKCWU-6H1zjFgkHJBjIz6mUpKCn5_PdiRMdQJNGsVNY0zpgQ-IBrj6AfILdqg-B6EJ9FVkDp0CRLKjp55CAXAJTYX2KnO3kILLsR3j7xoyO/s400/Hard_Boiled_Hospital_Gun_Scene.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Cops who like pointing guns at each other.</em></div>
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Hard Boiled also contains some other fantastic moments, right through from Yun-Fat's impressive takedown of the triad who killed his partner near the beginning:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRU_EpqQXAfE6gAp08doq1uxbfprMddyv-P09ldm_CdGpj7hlAdtEYgiVGKz4kh0kdAgq5OUAkMWF21AMTp6JRvKZq8sqrRDWqLiBMzFrm-HbUojF3KmwwHhlh_uX3YH4KH65UY4O1MhHL/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Flour_Killing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRU_EpqQXAfE6gAp08doq1uxbfprMddyv-P09ldm_CdGpj7hlAdtEYgiVGKz4kh0kdAgq5OUAkMWF21AMTp6JRvKZq8sqrRDWqLiBMzFrm-HbUojF3KmwwHhlh_uX3YH4KH65UY4O1MhHL/s400/Hard_Boiled_Flour_Killing.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Say you don't like cocaine again motherfucker, I dare you. I double dare you.</em></div>
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To the incredible two minute corridor shootout scene as we near the finale of the film:<br />
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<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3bozxgVQ9m0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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And this scene I wish to discuss in a bit more depth before I move on, because it is just <strong>so </strong>impressive. When I was reviewing '<a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2012/01/unknown-review.html">Unknown</a>' a few days ago, I made a few passing comments relating to how I liked the movie 'Children of Men'. The great thing about this movie, of course, being the long tracking shots, in which we follow the characters through an incredible amount of dramatic action without the camera ever cutting - all just filmed as a single take. I'm a huge fan of this style of shot (hell, I even bought 'Snake Eyes', simply on the strength of being told it opens with a 15 minute steadicam shot), and love seeing them in any movie, but Children of Men is especially famous for them, because it has so many, and they are so action-packed it is almost unbelievable. The scale of some of these shots is incredible, particularly the one in Bexhill in which we follow Clive Owen down the street in the middle of a warzone as tanks fire on militants, and he struggles to make it into a tower block without being shot. As far as I can tell, there will never be a tracking shot in cinema history which will match that (though time will tell). However, the budget of Children of Men was a whopping $76 million, and whilst the work of the actors, film crew, and director is still very impressive regardless of how much the film cost, the fact that Hard Boiled could do a scene like the one above on a mere 4 and a half Million speaks volumes for the dedication of the crew - especially when you realize that there were no visual effects added in post production as there were with Children of Men. In Hard Boiled, what we're seeing is what's actually happening in front of the camera. Every gunshot is real (well, a real blank), every piece of glass which shatters and every squib which goes off is happening on the set, in real-time. What's crazier still is the fact that in the sequence they don't actually go to another floor on the elevator - the set crew just changed the layout and stuck in some new glass frames whilst the doors were shut. Aside from how impressive the shot is from a logistical and artistic perspective, it is also one of the best scenes of the film in terms of the emotional heights reached by the actors - with Tony Leung's stunned, disbelieving reaction to accidentally shooting a cop being followed straightaway by Yun Fat's stubborn, angry denials, as he tries to convince Long to focus on the job in hand, and not dwell on what he may just have done. This is one of John Woo's best scenes - and is easily on a par with even the best moments in The Killer. Unfortunately, however, the same cannot be said for much of the rest of the movie.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9bYuGnKKVmYVm5vAMitgRNraPY8-HA02csYtKDHvpxbqLfc70c-JN2VXrd2mU6p0Y5ZaAYH-yfGsDyJm5DpDetk5v_zCfFygC9-78RAZHY4TkRpKJDeJY7lDmTUA1jAbg0f2VqFtNrE8F/s1600/Hard_Boiled_Leung_Smoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9bYuGnKKVmYVm5vAMitgRNraPY8-HA02csYtKDHvpxbqLfc70c-JN2VXrd2mU6p0Y5ZaAYH-yfGsDyJm5DpDetk5v_zCfFygC9-78RAZHY4TkRpKJDeJY7lDmTUA1jAbg0f2VqFtNrE8F/s400/Hard_Boiled_Leung_Smoking.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Whilst the ultra-stylish, ultra-violent action is incredible at times, it is a severe step-down from The Killer, with scenes where the heroes should have been killed not playing out well because the characters are smart, or skillful, but because the enemies are bad shots, or incompetent. In The Killer, we always felt that Ah Jong was one step ahead of everyone else, he was a highly skilled assassin, and he survived the various shootouts of the film because of his skills. In Hard Boiled, when Long and Tequila break into the safe under the hospital which contains the arms they have been searching for, the only reason they survive is because Mad Dog greets them with a single-shot pistol, and apparently no longer has any depth perception.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPrxpc-rCak-nHV6Cr51_wY3lPcADExKdQsIPfKCLd61uQe4ZgfXAkP4blFo57aKni-tj3_ekw80PArBK1gnCmDqcCnIHB4VdiTKzBtc5Uhmy0RX07KfB7ryPIQHMs2hEiKES0xWH1nluG/s1600/Mad_Dog_Pistol_Arm_Rested_Shot_Hard_Boiled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPrxpc-rCak-nHV6Cr51_wY3lPcADExKdQsIPfKCLd61uQe4ZgfXAkP4blFo57aKni-tj3_ekw80PArBK1gnCmDqcCnIHB4VdiTKzBtc5Uhmy0RX07KfB7ryPIQHMs2hEiKES0xWH1nluG/s400/Mad_Dog_Pistol_Arm_Rested_Shot_Hard_Boiled.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Granted, it does make sense for him to be a bad shot after losing an eye, but since there were AKs and AR15s lying in crates next to him, that hardly mattered...</em></div>
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Whislt the Teahouse scene is awesome, both for the incredible action, and the moment when Tequila loses his partner, and the Chief Superintendant gives him shit for what he has done, when it transpires later that the man who killed Tequila's partner was another undercover cop, that whole sequence suddenly doesn't make a whole lot of sense any more. We see Long killing other Triads and informants against his will, and we see him suffering for it. We can even believe that he would kill a cop if it absolutely came to it in order to maintain his cover. What he would not do, however, is shoot a wholebunch of innocent people in a Teahouse with an automatic, and then rather than escape when given the opportunity, use another civilian as a human shield, then attempt to kill two cops (and succeed in killing one of them). It just doesn't make sense for him to be a cop, no matter how much it does for the story that Tequila killed an undercover. it would have been far better if the undercover cop had been one of the others killed in the gunfight - as with Punisher: War Zone - the punisher kills the undercover agent in Rosotti's docks before he gets a chance to even draw his weapon, and this is far more convincing than a cop who mows down civilians with a sub-machinegun and shoots another cop to death. Still, the action in that sequence is pretty cool when you watch it without knowing it's another cop Tequila's fighting, so that kind of helps you forgive that mistake...<br />
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Other shortcomings in the film include Tequila and 'Madam's interactions all feeling very forced, and his acting out in the police station being too comedic, and not really fitting in with the dark tone of some of the other scenes. Whilst the killer placed over-the-top action in a serious movie, Hard Boiled seems to have fallen back on the Jackie Chan method of Hong Kong film making, intercutting ridiculous action with ridiculous comedy, which really takes the edge off the much darker undertones of scenes like the one in which Long kills the cop, and so makes the whole film feel a bit stupider. Whilst again, most of the action does not suffer from being unrealistic - not in the same way as The Killer, in which his inability to run out of bullets seemed to portray the film from his point of view, as if representing the memories of those involved, whereas in Hard Boiled it seems more to be indicative of the invulnerability of the unstoppable Tequila, plus doesn't really matter since so much of the film is ridiculous and over-the-top - some of the action scenes still felt a bit off. For example, the scenes in which the triads open fire on civilians trying to escape the hospital were very dark, and made for some gruelling watching - but the way that every single time the cops try and get the babies out the hospital some new triad would appear at the windows with a machinegun, and shoot the cops performing the same action as before, just felt a bit much. Not in that it was too dark - but in the sense that it was too unbelievable the same thing could keep on happening and keep catching them out, and they would just keep going at it.<br />
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<em>"Shit, Team 4's down. 5 you're up, take their place and do exactly what they were doing"</em></div>
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<em>"Shouldn't we try and give them some more cover, maybe find a better way of doing this?"</em></div>
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<em>"Fuck you, Johnson. If doing the same thing over and over til the job's done doesn't work, I might as well quit now..."</em></div>
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So, parts of the film are incredible, and areas of it are less than impressive. Occasionally it seems to drag (though usually in the scenes which don't include Tequila or Long) and it felt as though John Woo wasn't taking the film quite a seriously as he had The Killer, which is a true masterpiece. This film has its moments, but it had just too many silly elements as well. Whilst at times, these could be cool, such as Chow Yun Fat's bannister slide, or some of the dialogue ("If you obstruct me again, I'll castrate you" perhaps being the most quotable line), the stupidity of scenes like the baby rescue, and the overly light nature of the scenes in the police station, both involving Tequila and the scenes involving Madam and the Chief Inspector, just really felt out of place, and gave the whole movie a campy feel which it really didn't need. And whilst the action was incredible, and the pacing of the film awesome (not to mention the actual story being great), it just really suffered from these flaws.</div>
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<em>Though possibly not as much as the guys on the receiving end of Tequila's bullets. Amirite?</em></div>
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Before I sum up, however, I would just like to discuss the ending, because there is some debate around what happened. You see, both times I viewed the film, I came away with the same impression at the end. We see Long take a shot in the stomach, before Tequila shoots Johnny Wong through the eye. We then see Long on the ground, unmoving, before seeing a spinning shot of him on the ground moving slowly outwards. We get audio flashbacks to scenes of him saying about what he'll do when he gets out, and what it has been like being undercover, and we see his file being burned by the chief inspector, using Long's lighter. We then cut to the very last shot, which is of Long on his boat, out at sea and alone, throwing the paper cranes which represent everyone he has killed overboard. Both times I watched this film, I was certain he died. Everything about the ending makes me think he died, and the vision we see of him after is merely symbolic of him having finally cleared his hands of the deaths he is responsible for, and finally being free of the dark world he inhabited. The common consensus, however, is that he lives. In which case, what the fuck was up with that ending? I think I'm going to keep imagining Long died, since I'm fairly sure it was deliberately left open to interpretation, and this seems to make more sense. However, the very fact that this might not be what the film makers intended still bothers me somewhat, because I thought it was a pretty good ending when I saw it.</div>
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<em>Unfortunately, looking back at it, the plaster on his forehead seems to be a pretty good indicator that I was wrong, and that the ending was a bit of a cop-out, presumably because the studio didn't want to end on too much of a downer...</em></div>
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But, aside from that ending possibly having been ruined for me thanks to checking the internet (why couldn't you just let me have my dream?), I can't complain much more. I loved the Jazz Bar scenes, mainly because I know that John Woo and Chow Yun Fat both wanted the bar which Jennie played at in "The Killer" to be a Jazz Bar, but were forced to change it to one playing more traditional Chinese Music by the producers. I was also really impressed that in the climactic explosion, it is clearly Chow Yun Fat actually outrunning a wall of flames, and not some stuntman or a bunch of CGI/mini explosions:</div>
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<em>Fuck you John Woooooooo!!!!!!!</em></div>
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I guess there's not much more I can say to conclude - great action-packed pulse racing stuff, with some awesome scenes, but a bit too light and stupid in places. This movie has nothing on Woo and Chow's earlier collaboration The Killer, but is still an enjoyable action film. It is definitely worth a watch, even if it isn't quite as satisfying as The Killer, and doesn't have quite such a poignant ending as I had previously thought. The only other thing I would add is that on the DVD version I have, the subtitles appear to have been synched to either the original Hong Kong version, or the American release, which of course play at a slightly different rate to the British one. This means that by the end of the movie, the subtitles for each line come about 3 seconds after the line has been spoken, and this is quite distracting in such an action-laden piece. I suppose it isn't overly important to follow the dialogue for much of the film, but it was especially frustrating in the elevator scene when we see such raw emotion to have it ruined by poorly lined-up subtitles. Still, that's hardly the fault of the film makers, and I shan't hold it against them.</div>
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<strong>***</strong></div>
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<strong>3 Stars</strong></div>
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Very enjoyable piece, which I would highly recommend to all action fans. I probably would have enjoyed it even more had I not watched it right after watching The Killer, but never mind: it was still good. Certainly worth a watch, but by no means a cinemtaic masterpiece; it is incredible what was achieved on such a small budget, and as with 'The Killer', nice to see a foreign film do so well in the Hollywood market. However, the overly light and camp tone in places killed it for me a bit, as did some of the other stupider moments, where you really felt the writers could have done a better job. Of course, a lot of the film was rewritten as they went along to lighten the tone, as the script was apparently deemed too dark to shoot. However, it seems they went a bit too far into "camp" territory, and perhaps needed to take a little more time working on the rewrites. The fact that much of the action was devised on location by seeing what was available to use on set is impressive, but the nature of the making of a film does not necessarily make the film itself any better. If you haven't seen this film, check it out; but maybe place it under The Killer in your list of movies to see...</div>
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<strong>Voice</strong></div>
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P.S. Awesomely, I ordered this DVD second hand from Play Trade for £1.04, and when it arrived at Play's distribution centre, they decided it was in too poor condition, so binned it. This meant I was refunded the money, AND they sent out a brand new sealed copy for me to have free of charge. Great Success!</div>
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</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-6378774280367831282012-01-07T00:40:00.000+00:002012-01-07T00:40:05.243+00:00The Killer Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I mentioned last night that I was planning on breaking in my new copy of 'Hard Boiled' today. However, when I awoke this morning (well, this afternoon, technically), I came downstairs to discover the copy of 'The Killer' I had also ordered had arrived, so felt obliged to watch that first, given it was the first of the two (admittedly unconnected) movies. And I have to say: I actually enjoyed the movie even more this time around than I did the first time I watched it.<br />
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<em>And I really enjoyed this first time round...</em></div>
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Hard Boiled is great fun - it's a ridiculously over-the-top action movie in which pistols deal as much damage as shotguns should, and shotguns are effectively grenade launchers. The comedy mishaps at the hospital also add to the bizarre atmosphere, but in a good way (an example of a bad way would be the scenes in 'Last House on the Left' with the woman who has a truck full of chickens, which completely destroyed what little atmosphere was created in the scenes relating to the main story. In fact, were it not for the last ten minutes or so being amazing, that would probably be one of the worst movies<em> </em>I have ever seen), so it comes as somewhat of a shock when the movie comes to such a serious conclusion. The Killer, on the other hand, whilst still classic John Woo - is also an incredibly intense dramatic piece, which sucks the viewer in and grips them right from the beginning, and never lets up. It somehow manages to rack up a higher single-man body count than 'The Killing Machine', whilst being as heart-wrenching as that bit at the end of 'Armageddon' where Bill Fichtner asks if he can shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man he's ever met. I know that sounds retarded, but I can't actually think of many sad yet reassuring movies off the top of my head (yet I just named one with Michael Clarke Duncan in, so there's a fairly logical jump to a relatively respected film here. Not that I'll change my analogy now, mind you - one of the hardest guys I know refuses to watch Armageddon because he cried at the end), so roll with it. I'm trying to say it's a movie which makes you feel whilst still kicking some serious arse, is all.<br />
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<em>Kick Arse Now! There'll be time for feelings later!</em></div>
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The storyline of The Killer is fantastic, with a 'good' assassin accidentally blinding a woman, and devoting himself to making sure he can get her the operation she needs so she will be able to see again, whilst at the same time, a maverick cop stuggles to deal justice within the confines of the law, and finds himself sympathizing with the man he has been tasked with arresting. The depth of the characters is fantastic, and although Inspector Li is for the most part your stereotypical hero from cop movies, the later scenes which pair him and Chow Yun Fat together see a transformation in the character, taking him beyond the conventional, and into truly remarkable territory. Chow Yun Fat's character Ah Jong is also an outstanding character - the caring hitman, way before Leon came out (who, incidentally, isn't that caring, since those cops he kills at the end aren't Stansfield's men, just a bunch of regular guys trying to do their job to pay the mortgage), and also the depth to which this extends - for Jennie, for his friend, for any innocents who may get caught up in his actions, even to the police men who are trying to put him away, or even looking for an excuse to kill him. As the scene by the river states: Li is an unusual cop, Ah Jong is an unusual killer. Of course, I watched the version from Hong Kong Legends with accurate subtitles, so can actually see all this depth in the movie - reading through the quotes on IMDB from the "English version" makes me cringe. I mean, seriously - some of those lines just sound awful, and I'm sure the movie would have been worse for it.<br />
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<em>I wish I had photoshopped this. It was the Haitian Creole which really fucked it...</em></div>
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The Killer also happens to be one of the only movies where I've actively enjoyed characters not reloading weapons, or somehow running out of shots with an automatic and not knowing. Whilst I cringe in most films where someone goes through 30-odd rounds using an 8 shot gun, The Killer makes such a habit of it that you come to see it as being from the perspective of the individuals involved. Of course they're not counting their shots, and don't remember how many times they changed magazines - it's like you're remembering the events, and the way the camera cuts between shots helps to increase this feeling, employing a large number of quick cuts between angles and even different rooms whilst keeping the action flowing. When you start to enjoy this idea of characters whose guns only run out when it's necessary to the story, as opposed to when it would realistically occur, you can also appreciate the action so much more. There are numerous shots in which characters will have 7 or 8 bullets put in them, and seeing all these shots go off in the same frame is actually really impressive - especially in the shots where we have an individual firing and an individual being hit in the same shot. This gratuitous use of bullets also helps to keep the pace of the movie up, as all the action scenes become incredible dramatic set pieces - so where a real professional might use 4 bullets and the scene would be over, we instead get to see countless shots of one of our heroes firing, and dishing out severe damage. In doing this, John Woo has actually made gun violence appear "cool" in a movie with a lot of feeling and emotion, which can be extremely difficult to achieve. For example, The Matrix made gunplay look incredibly cool with the infamous "Government Lobby Scene", but I doubt anyone found Neo's death truly upsetting - because it is so incredibly hard to strike that balance between making violence cool, but the consequences of it shocking and disturbing. Whether this was Woo's intention when he set out to make the film is irrelevant - he achieved it. And I cannot for the life of me think of another movie where this has been achieved - especially on a scale so grand as this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQ-ERb0BjceSj6z_oT9lqpSGU8e-JDh4oFfrzFQiO1GGjg-hyRIqgbW06TGG_sz-oiFMp1gOlUeCaKC55z8zaolb19EaUMd-8sJCmzxQSNr8s3tQbeMa73Rp0qQ1_I1xRQNldwsMtAlcQ/s1600/Matrix_Government_Lobby_Shootout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQ-ERb0BjceSj6z_oT9lqpSGU8e-JDh4oFfrzFQiO1GGjg-hyRIqgbW06TGG_sz-oiFMp1gOlUeCaKC55z8zaolb19EaUMd-8sJCmzxQSNr8s3tQbeMa73Rp0qQ1_I1xRQNldwsMtAlcQ/s400/Matrix_Government_Lobby_Shootout.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Good attempt, though...</em></div>
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Even the slower scenes in the film are outstanding, and so many of them are memorable it is incredible. Everything from Jennie's singing at the piano to Ah Jong's reaction when Fung double crosses him is just perfectly framed to make it stick in your mind, with the dragon boat sequence perhaps being the most memorable of all. The way in which we can tell exactly what's going through Ah Jong's mind as he considers taking the shot without any cues from a voice over, or long shots of his expression as he deliberates, is incredible, and the shot in which we see his Dragunov sink into the clear water when he is done with it is one of the most gorgeous shots ever to appear on film. The influence of The Killer on later films is also incredible - not only with so many mimicking its gunplay (jumping through the air firing in slow motion is pretty well a staple of the action genre these days), but with some of the more subtle influences. For example, the scene in which Fung goes to get Ah Jong's money from the Triad leader, and endures a merciless beating whilst still fighting back with incredible determination was obviously on Tony Scott's mind when he shot the scene in True Romance in which James Gandolfini beats Patricia Arquette. Hell, even the music is similar. And that's not the only thing to be taken from this film (though admittedly, it is probably the greatest reinventing of a piece of this movie).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lHL5UW3x0O3hXdyMc-i535Pi31uRlumo8w_arLBifr6BrCVvWQhTnuRcv6-UhoAGmuuoYGavqy3ftruBhaN4fLYnDTqtkLpiBZ3GBEIKFefkhBAo8eG0vBsrrrlX_Cw25drIwj1hG8Ce/s1600/True_Romance_Alabama_Bath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lHL5UW3x0O3hXdyMc-i535Pi31uRlumo8w_arLBifr6BrCVvWQhTnuRcv6-UhoAGmuuoYGavqy3ftruBhaN4fLYnDTqtkLpiBZ3GBEIKFefkhBAo8eG0vBsrrrlX_Cw25drIwj1hG8Ce/s640/True_Romance_Alabama_Bath.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>This one's probably easier to masturbate to as well...</em></div>
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The Killer managed to take the Hong Kong film industry, up to that point only really famous for camp action comedies like "Jackie Chan's Police Story", and turn it into a serious rival for Hollywood. It's telling that even now, 22 years later, there still hasn't been a film from across the Channel which can rival the intensity of The Killer, and the fact that it rose to such prominence in the film industry even in the days before it had accurate subtitles, gives further credence to what I have been saying. The ending is so incredible, and so bleak, that I can't imagine it ever making its way into an American movie - and yet there was no other way to end the film. Woo's vision was perfect.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLB_8h52JsGC8CcNryrccSjasjyYM2ZqosSsBZV4BkJ7a6TGfBZJllJwF51T4lhL1-OlQK25_3DW8b_5thIa7CZ1VH3QR1nAwbnj-at85roddenyZcKPDIrpt37u1kaZgdk3UBHoF3CiJ_/s1600/Jennie_Muzzleflash_Eye_Injury_The_Killer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLB_8h52JsGC8CcNryrccSjasjyYM2ZqosSsBZV4BkJ7a6TGfBZJllJwF51T4lhL1-OlQK25_3DW8b_5thIa7CZ1VH3QR1nAwbnj-at85roddenyZcKPDIrpt37u1kaZgdk3UBHoF3CiJ_/s1600/Jennie_Muzzleflash_Eye_Injury_The_Killer.jpg" /></a></div>
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<em>Unlike Jennie's. Amirite?</em></div>
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So, even on the second watch, I would have to say that The Killer is one of my favourite action movies of all time, and deserves the recognition that it rightly gets.<br />
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<strong>Rating:</strong><br />
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<strong>*****</strong><br />
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<strong>5 Stars</strong><br />
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The influence of this film has been incredible - stretching from Leon (ranked #32 on IMDB's Top 250 list), to Rodriguez's work (Antonio Banderas kicking off and sliding along the floor whilst shooting a man coming toward him with two pistols having been duplicated exactly from a shot in the cathedral scene in The Killer), and through to True Romance as mentioned above (one of my favourite movies). But, it isn't just a great movie technically, either - it is a genuinely engrossing, thrilling and touching story, which goes far beyond what you would expect from an action movie, and is so breath taking at times each copy should come with a free oxygen mask. It is cool, and stylish, yet emotional, and heartfelt. It dances across genres with ease, whilst keeping its feet clearly routed in the action. And the dialogue, with the correct translations, is also pretty incredible. If you haven't seen this movie already, do so now, because I promise you won't regret it. I picked up a copy for £3.85, and all three hundred and eighty-five pence of that was well spent.<br />
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By the way, did I mention I'm friends with one of Chow Yun Fat's nephews?<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-6325329218038926342012-01-06T01:54:00.000+00:002012-01-06T01:54:15.282+00:00Unknown Review<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NCGpiwwqCyE/TwZJBpvZxqI/AAAAAAAABM0/XXDLmXgYIzw/s1600/Unknown_poster_Liam_Neeson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="460" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NCGpiwwqCyE/TwZJBpvZxqI/AAAAAAAABM0/XXDLmXgYIzw/s640/Unknown_poster_Liam_Neeson.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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If you haven't seen this movie yet, allow me to save you the effort: It's basically The Bourne Identity, but with a tad more Identity confusion, and a lot less Krav Maga. That's it. I could wrap this up right now and you'd have a fairly accurate idea of how this movie plays out.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Avr61p0WgAA/TwZJgK6FgaI/AAAAAAAABNA/CmgLfdWDO2w/s1600/Bourne_Identity_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Avr61p0WgAA/TwZJgK6FgaI/AAAAAAAABNA/CmgLfdWDO2w/s400/Bourne_Identity_poster.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Whilst the beginning 30 minutes or so are intriguing, with the viewers not knowing whether Neeson's character really is being set up, or has just gone crazy, it pretty soon unfolds into an almost exact replica of Bourne. And whilst there is always that nagging thought in the back of your mind that maybe this is all in his head, or that there will be an even greater twist somehow, as we draw nearer and nearer the close, you realize that this really won't be anything special.<br />
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Let's count the similarities with Bourne, shall we?<br />
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<ul>
<li>Lead Character is pulled out of water at the beginning with no memory of who he is</li>
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<li>This man finds himself the target of some kind of conspiracy - possibly Government agents, who want to silence him</li>
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<li>He spends a large part of the movie hanging out with a German chick, and they get involved in a couple of car chases, with lots of crashes</li>
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<ul>
<li>Towards the end, he realizes the truth, that he is an assassin who set up a fake identity to help him take out a certain target, and since he woke up with no memory, has been using this identity as his own</li>
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<ul>
<li>He decides he wants out of the whole assassin program, and goes about trying to bring down the people who set the whole thing up</li>
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<li>The mysterious hitman who is chasing him and never speaks wears glasses</li>
</ul>
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I mean, how similar could these movies get? All joking aside - if you've seen The Bourne Identity, you might as well give this one a miss. Then again, if you haven't seen it and you've just read what I've typed, you might as well also give it a miss, since you know exactly what will happen. Oh, and also, welcome to the site - you must be new here.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7PAZXpq-cXo/TwZJ9a9OwfI/AAAAAAAABNM/YsBWkguK74I/s1600/Gene_Wilder_Willy_wonker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7PAZXpq-cXo/TwZJ9a9OwfI/AAAAAAAABNM/YsBWkguK74I/s320/Gene_Wilder_Willy_wonker.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The problem is, I really couldn't get past the similarities, and as much as I wanted to enjoy this film (I loved "Taken", and was informed by the reputable "<a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2010/06/dear-danny-dyer-text.html">Nuts</a>" magazine that "Fans of Taken are gonna LOVE [Unknown]") - it seemed as though they had just decided to pirate the idea, and move things around very slightly. I was hopeful until very near the end we have have some kind of "Manchurian Candidate"-type twist come into effect, or even something like "Total Recall", although since he lost his memory completely by accident, that would have been a weird one to explain (falsly implanted memories. I'll see you at the party). But no - it's just Bourne, through and through. Just with a much lower bodycount, and not so many kick ass scenes.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eZRjD4rg4Pc/TwZK_M0uQqI/AAAAAAAABNY/8L-sr9dK_t8/s1600/Blood_Pen_Bourne_Identity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="299" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eZRjD4rg4Pc/TwZK_M0uQqI/AAAAAAAABNY/8L-sr9dK_t8/s400/Blood_Pen_Bourne_Identity.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>If you know what I mean? Incidentally, whilst researching things relating to "Kick ass Bourne scenes" on Google, I came across a whole bunch of still from the Game - 'The Bourne Conspiracy'. Is it just me, or does it look identical to Splinter Cell Conviction?</em></div>
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The way in which the big bad guy of the piece is dispatched of also reminded me of Bourne, in how disappointing it was. I don't mean the death of Bourne's handler at the end was a let-down: That was a pleasant surprise. I mean the way in which the architect of the plan in Unknown dies felt like as much of a cop-out as Clive Owen's death in The Bourne Identity. I won't say exactly how it happens, in case there is anyone out there still planning on watching this, but since I've been looking for an excuse for ages to rant about how Owen's death ruined The Bourne Identity, I'll take up the next paragraph with that instead.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ecfn4_90qY/TwZMWQ8SHZI/AAAAAAAABNw/OKp02eqUkGU/s1600/Clive_Shot.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ecfn4_90qY/TwZMWQ8SHZI/AAAAAAAABNw/OKp02eqUkGU/s640/Clive_Shot.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Haven't I suffered enough? I turned down playing Bond in Casino Royale but agreed to star in Shoot 'Em Up for fuck's sake!</em></div>
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The professor is the most badass villain imaginable. He never speaks, we rarely see him, yet he is ever present. He takes out Wombosi through a tiny window from a nearby rooftop with ease, and he traps Bourne and Co. in a farmhouse with no power, whilst he sits on a ridge with his Sig Sauer sniper rifle, waiting for a nice clean, juicy shot. Bourne, however, spoils his plans a little by obtaining a shotgun, and with this blows up some petrol tanks, causing a big enough distraction that he can make it to the woods before The Professor can take his shot. Now, here is where any other sniper would simply relocate and wait for Bourne to re-emerge to help his friends. Remember, The Professor is tooled-up, and has all the time in the world. But rather than do anything practical, he decides to follow Bourne down through the woodlands into an open field. Ok, so he wants him dead fast, and his Sig is a select fire model, so will still be fairly effective at closer range - who cares if he would have to completely re-zero the scope? He just takes it off - iron sight's good up to 400 yards. But then, when Bourne fires a shot on the edge of the field, The Professor, who is HIDDEN IN COVER, decides to put down his rifle, take out a handgun, and RUN ACROSS AN OPEN FIELD. <br />
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<strong>WHO THE FUCK WROTE THAT SCENE?</strong><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MciBL-TLSKg/TwZLsoKzjlI/AAAAAAAABNk/dpDWMsTd514/s1600/Clive_Owne_The_Bourne_Identity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MciBL-TLSKg/TwZLsoKzjlI/AAAAAAAABNk/dpDWMsTd514/s640/Clive_Owne_The_Bourne_Identity.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Cos I'm fucking waiting for him...</em></div>
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Seriously, that's close to being as bad as the sniping scene in The Hurt Locker, and was the only real let-down of that film. Clive Owen was such a badass in it (just watched Children of Men again last night, so back to Clive-loving, after that period of being ashamed to mention his name following Shoot Em Up), and was supposedly some kind of CIA super-assassin. The best short of Bourne. And yet he dies like a bitch, running across an open field. Here's a tip: if you're dealing with a guy who is armed with a shotgun, and you have a semi-automatic rifle with a 20 round magazine, and you're sitting in cover and can hear the direction his last shot came from - you're sorted. He can't see you, you know roughly how far he could be, and he's never going to hit you at the range anyway. So fuck you, Tony Gilroy and W. Blake Herron. And shame on you, Clive, for not insisting they give you a better death.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R7bIZCtG-Qw/TwZNy2WS87I/AAAAAAAABN8/7Y5SKFeK1DU/s1600/clive_owen_knows_that_feel_bro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R7bIZCtG-Qw/TwZNy2WS87I/AAAAAAAABN8/7Y5SKFeK1DU/s400/clive_owen_knows_that_feel_bro.jpg" width="293" /></a></div>
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That's all I wanted to say about Bourne, so back to Unknown. The movie is fairly competently made, and is relatively enjoyable, yet for the most part isn't as thrilling as Bourne, despite the similarities. The camera work is all fine (though, again, having watched Children of Men last night, anything is going to look lazy by comparison), and they do build the characters quite well, but it was all a little lack-lustre.<br />
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As far as character building goes, the only insight we get into Diane Kruger's character's background is when she says about her family being hunted and killed in Bosnia in a similar manner to the way in which the Government agents were coming after her and Neeson, and again, this felt like one of those cheap gimmicks. Oh, let's just bring up Bosnia, and then her character will seem deep. Maybe if they'd said Kosovo, and made it so she was a Serb whose family was murdered by Albanians after Nato forced her country to withdraw its police and military forces so they could set up their own puppet Government in the region it would have added character depth: <br />
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(a) because the Bosnian thing has been done so many times before, (b) because the political criticism of NATO's attacks on Serbia which led to the genocide of 850,000 Serbs is never mentioned in films and would actually make a nice change from the Serbs being the bad guys, and (c) Because Diane Kruger looks about as Bosnian as I do Columbian, but could probably pass as an ethnic Serb.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qDw86fKmCo4/TwZQFzmYm2I/AAAAAAAABOI/MiOXsVHmibI/s1600/Bosnia_vs_Serbia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qDw86fKmCo4/TwZQFzmYm2I/AAAAAAAABOI/MiOXsVHmibI/s640/Bosnia_vs_Serbia.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>And before someone links me to a previous "Miss Bosnia" who is Blonde and Germanic looking, please research her on Wikipedia, and look to see if she is an ethnic Serb Bosnian (a.k.a The kind of Bosnian who wouldn't have been hunted down by Ratko Mladic, the ethnic Serb Bosnian)</em></div>
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But no, we get the old Bosnia line, and we're so used to it now that it's just in passing (And Angelina Jolie thinks she can make an entire film out of this? Pffff...). Shit, at least in House when they had the genocide "victim", it later turned out that he wanted to kill Darth Vader because he had been one of the child soldiers actually participating in the genocide who had grown up and gotten a conscience, and thus made a nice change. But, I guess having Diane Kruger say "They're going to hunt us down just as my father hunted down the Bosnians" probably wouldn't have stirred up much sympathy.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9CU1g_cOVLs/TwZRTLbsGNI/AAAAAAAABOU/WkNYxyBQrr4/s1600/bosnian-serbs-siege.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9CU1g_cOVLs/TwZRTLbsGNI/AAAAAAAABOU/WkNYxyBQrr4/s1600/bosnian-serbs-siege.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>This picture is actually on Page 2 on Google if you type in "Serbians". I'm not even kidding. It's probably the first image result for "Bosnian Serbs". Wouldn't surprise me.</em></div>
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So, disappointing on many levels - the car chases are well done, but again, are so similar to Bourne we're forced to compare them, and Bourne comes out on top. Kruger's character has a more bland backstory than The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and the big twist at the end has been done a thousand times before. Not to mention, they included Frank Langella as the big bad guy behind the attempts on Neeson's life and the whole set-up, and have you EVER seen him play the hero in a movie? The man is most famous for playing Richard Nixon these days for God's sake! That's like casting Steven Berkoff in that kind of role and being surprised when people figure out he's the villain. Or casting Michael Ironside in a film where it's supposed to be a huge surprise when he loses a limb somehow:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b_FH1tgpWOE/TwZSohmSJ8I/AAAAAAAABOg/L_9nr6PxKb0/s1600/Michael_Ironside_The_Machinist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b_FH1tgpWOE/TwZSohmSJ8I/AAAAAAAABOg/L_9nr6PxKb0/s400/Michael_Ironside_The_Machinist.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>I am actually starting to suspect Michael Ironside genuinely doesn't have a left arm, since he's lost it in 3 of the films I've seen him in...</em></div>
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Though, in spite of this, one of the best scenes in the film is between Frank Langella and Bruno Ganz, when Ganz realizes who Langella is. Still, overall this film was a big disappointment, especially because Diane Kruger didn't do her incredibly over-the-top sexy German accent from Inglourious Basterds the whole time.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zQYouPEuvRE/TwZTcb4ijQI/AAAAAAAABOs/rD1rO1m6RG8/s1600/Diane_Kruger_Inglourious_Basterds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zQYouPEuvRE/TwZTcb4ijQI/AAAAAAAABOs/rD1rO1m6RG8/s400/Diane_Kruger_Inglourious_Basterds.jpg" width="245" /></a></div>
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<em>What can I say? I know what I like. And I like over-acting. Sexy, sexy overacting.</em></div>
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So, you know, watch this movie if you want - it's reasonably fun, and a good way to kill 90 minutes or however long it was, but don't go in expecting too much. This is nothing like Taken, and it's not as good as Bourne. But, take it at face value as a generic action flick, and you might find you enjoy it, especially when things first start getting tense for Neeson's character.<br />
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<strong>Rating:</strong><br />
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<strong>**</strong><br />
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<strong>2 Stars</strong><br />
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Unoriginal, and not overly-gripping, but probably still worth a watch. I would definitely recommend The Bourne identity over this, and Taken over that. And possibly The Killing Machine over that, though that's a tighter call. This film is fairly decent, solidly made (unless you are comparing it to Children of Men, say), but is predictable as anything and really brings nothing new to the table. Maybe if you see it in the bargain bin pick it up, or if you can catch it on TV (hopefully without adverts - which fucking RUINED sunshine for me. Though, Escape From LA was still enjoyable with them left in, given how little it depended on mood and atmosphere by comparison) but otherwise I really wouldn't bother. Still, it's way better than The Hurt Locker, and that won 6 Oscars - so who knows, maybe my tastes in films is just ridiculous? Now if you'll excuse me, I have a brand new copy of "Hard Boiled" which needs breaking in...<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong><br />
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Since I mentioned I watched Children of Men last night, I'll bring this up here: when the film was over, my brother and I had a conversation along these lines:<br />
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<strong>Him</strong>: Do you know any other films by the same director?<br />
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<strong>Me</strong>: I know he did the third Harry Potter film, and I'm fairly sure he did the American version of Great Expectations, but that's all I can think of.<br />
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<strong>Him</strong>: Didn't he do 28 Weeks later?<br />
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<strong>Me</strong>: Fuck, I hope not! That movie was awful! That would be a hell of a step-down for him...<br />
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<strong>Him</strong>: Hmmm... Maybe you're right. It's just I noticed some directoral similarities between the two was all. Maybe it was Guillermo Del Torro who did 28 Weeks later?<br />
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<strong>Me</strong>: I think that's a pretty big step-down for him, too - after Pan's Labyrinth and Blade 2.<br />
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<strong>Him</strong>: I dunno. I get all these Spanish directors confused anyway...<br />
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I actually had to check IMDB afterwards to make sure I didn't have to kill myself, which I would have if 28 weeks later was directed by Alfonso Cuarón, just on general principles.Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-25176518507181418142011-12-30T04:38:00.000+00:002011-12-30T04:40:09.074+00:00The Killing Machine Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HXu3m-LY-k/Tv06ifK4XhI/AAAAAAAABLU/Xbmci7zjWH8/s1600/The-Killing-Machine-movie-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HXu3m-LY-k/Tv06ifK4XhI/AAAAAAAABLU/Xbmci7zjWH8/s640/The-Killing-Machine-movie-poster.jpg" width="446" /></a></div>
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Right from the second this DVD started running in my player, I had a good feeling about it. The opening song has the exact pace I was looking for in this movie - and the film managed to match that pace and then some.<br />
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I had previously seen only 2 of Lundgren's movies as a director: Missionary Man, and The Mechanik - both of which end with epic shotgun-induced headsplosions.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zzKFCMbEb9w/Tv03HlRg8xI/AAAAAAAABK8/EHnKZDDIzdk/s1600/The_Mechanik_Epic_Headshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="474" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zzKFCMbEb9w/Tv03HlRg8xI/AAAAAAAABK8/EHnKZDDIzdk/s640/The_Mechanik_Epic_Headshot.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Would you believe this is the less epic of the two?</em></div>
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Whilst Missionary Man is a fairly slow-paced film, a modern update of the classic western - a mysterious figure turning up in a town rife with conflict to help out the citizens, The Mechanik is an action-packed thriller which opens like the second half of Taken and closes like the second half of Missionary Man. Both of these films were awesome, and Lundgren has certainly proved that he can not only act and kick some serious arse, but can direct a half decent movie as well.<br />
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The Killing Machine, however, takes things to a whole new level. Right from the off, we get some incredible and brutal action, with Dolph taking down 4 guys in the opening sequence, before we flash back to the beginning of the actual story. I used a comparison with Taken above for The Mechanik, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to use it as a comparison again here - but not for the plot, rather for the violence. Oh, and the DVD covers, since they look identical:<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eMTZuDga2DU/Tv0q_5Rp2-I/AAAAAAAABJc/jKXc5M8hxuI/s1600/Icarus_vs_Taken.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="446" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eMTZuDga2DU/Tv0q_5Rp2-I/AAAAAAAABJc/jKXc5M8hxuI/s640/Icarus_vs_Taken.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Note: 'Icarus' is the title of the Director's cut - Dolph Lundgren's verison of the film. I watched the producer's cut - called 'The Killing Machine', so will be reviewing that.</em></div>
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One of the things I loved about Taken was, aside from in the driving scenes, the gun violence is incredibly realistic. The prime example for this being when Neeson shoots the henchman through the glass window in a door, and he just drops like a rock, with some bloodsplatter. The shot lasts all of a second, and is one of the most realistic looking headshots ever to appear on film. Whilst most films will either dwell on graphic wounds, like Saving Private Ryan, or will shoot them in a stylized manner, maybe with slow motion, or some kind of artistic imagery, such as Tommy DeVito's death in Goodfellas (see A History of Violence for a combination of both of these), Taken took things in the opposite direction, and made the violence graphic, but extremely quick - taking place in real time, with realistic wounds. The Killing Machine takes this a step further - keeping Taken's ultra-realistic gunshot and bone breaking wounds, but adding to it to make the violence as graphic as possible without appearing to be trying to dwell on it. Think *<strong>SPOILER ALERT</strong>* Leonard DiCaprio's death in The Departed - it's over in a split second, with him dropping realistically and not much time spent dwelling on the wound, and yet we get a very graphic blood-splatter on the wall behind him from the exit wound. The Killing Machine takes this kind of action - and applies it to nearly every death throughout the film - possibly creating the most realistic action movie of all time regarding violence.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sLPCv0iOdc8/Tv0t_te7b7I/AAAAAAAABJo/pW6z0L_u4lU/s1600/boom_headshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sLPCv0iOdc8/Tv0t_te7b7I/AAAAAAAABJo/pW6z0L_u4lU/s640/boom_headshot.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>A lot of the shots show the weapon going off in the same frame as the wound being inflicted - which always heightens the realism.</em></div>
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The visual effects outside of the shootings are incredible as well, especially regarding the wounds inflicted during the two torture scenes in the movie:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4OXA5cmSA0Y/Tv09HZXZ4AI/AAAAAAAABL4/NnGgOB5QNGo/s1600/The_killing_machine_torture_scene_sliced_cheek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="346" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4OXA5cmSA0Y/Tv09HZXZ4AI/AAAAAAAABL4/NnGgOB5QNGo/s640/The_killing_machine_torture_scene_sliced_cheek.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Let's put a Smile on that face!</em></div>
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Seriously, whoever did the effects on this had better wind up in Hollywood soon - because the wounds in this film are far more graphic than those in a lot of movies with 20 times the budget. The way the wounds leak in the few shots where we do pan back to someone who has been injured is also incredible, looking incredibly realistic, and slightly unnerving. In fact, this is the most impressive set of effects I've seen in a low budget movie since I watched <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2011/04/thing-review.html">The Thing</a> earlier in the year.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L8x_lowS1IQ/Tv0wAw64n8I/AAAAAAAABKA/yhRWLVQljQo/s1600/The_thing_lolaliens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="330" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L8x_lowS1IQ/Tv0wAw64n8I/AAAAAAAABKA/yhRWLVQljQo/s640/The_thing_lolaliens.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Whilst the plot of The Killing Machine is nothing new - an ex-KGB agent who tried to leave his life behind winds up as a hitman for the mob, who then come after him after he botches a job in Hong Kong - it is fast paced and suspenseful. And despite the fact that you know exactly what is going to happen at every turn, is still incredibly thrilling to watch. Lundgren's use of different types of camera and shutterspeeds to reflect the mood of each scene is astounding for a man with so little experience in directing, and the voiceovers by the character fit in perfectly, sounding like a non-pretentious version of Max Payne.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_0vvVN7mXv8/Tv0yKCVGjgI/AAAAAAAABKM/Auf-aIzW9yY/s1600/hipster_max_payne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="476" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_0vvVN7mXv8/Tv0yKCVGjgI/AAAAAAAABKM/Auf-aIzW9yY/s640/hipster_max_payne.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Why don't you go shoot someone with your M4 you fucking conformist.</em></div>
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In all honesty, this is all you could ask for in an action movie, it doesn't make you think too hard - it doesn't try and be overly innovative, and yet it is just clever enough to be gripping, and has so much action I swear it must have broken some kind of record for a single-man bodycount. Wait, scratch that - I just remembered Punisher: War Zone...<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NyznNJgFXPA/Tv0zBehWB8I/AAAAAAAABKY/IwHrIPTROWA/s1600/ray_stevenson_the_punisher.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NyznNJgFXPA/Tv0zBehWB8I/AAAAAAAABKY/IwHrIPTROWA/s400/ray_stevenson_the_punisher.jpg" width="360" /></a></div>
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<em>No-one touches my KTD, N00B!</em></div>
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In fact, that's probably the best comparison I can make - the character has a similar background to that of Viggo Mortenson in A History of Violence (but switching origins with Mortenson's in Eastern Promises) - a man who wants to get away from his past life, and settle down with his family, but is unable to because not obeying his former bosses puts his family at risk, and so goes on a killing spree that even The Punisher would be proud of. Of course, that does make sense, all things considered:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EsMnyPPFPvU/Tv0z8gOrCqI/AAAAAAAABKk/cfsRzFezZwo/s1600/Dolph_Lundgren_The_Punisher_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EsMnyPPFPvU/Tv0z8gOrCqI/AAAAAAAABKk/cfsRzFezZwo/s640/Dolph_Lundgren_The_Punisher_poster.jpg" width="460" /></a></div>
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Honestly, this is actually the movie I felt The Expendables should have been. The effects in that were too obviously added in post, and I think trying to give that many characters interesting parts was just too difficult for them to handle. By scaling back to having just one unstoppable machine 80s action star, and giving him a real motive for his violence, Dolph Lundgren has managed to create a perfect genre piece revenge movie, for about the 4th time in his career. In fact, I think Dolph Lundgren has actually become the master of the action-revenge movie (let us not forget that Deathwish isn't in fact a revenge movie, since Bronson never kills those actually responsible for his wife's death), and this is possibly the pinnacle of the genre. Of course, there isn't much originality here (Dolph Lundgren as an ex-KGB agent AGAIN?), but it's an action movie, so why worry? And the fact that only two of the deaths are ridiculous enough that they could have been in a Steven Seagal film shows some restraint on Dolph's part to not play into the stereotype of low budget action films.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mpr3cLde1A8/Tv01h2i18FI/AAAAAAAABKw/vIIXEiZndRo/s1600/Seagal_would_be_proud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mpr3cLde1A8/Tv01h2i18FI/AAAAAAAABKw/vIIXEiZndRo/s640/Seagal_would_be_proud.jpg" width="620" /></a></div>
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<em>Pictured: The only completely unrealistic death in the entire movie. Fairly impressive for a film made by an old 80s star for $5 million. Take THAT Van Damme!</em></div>
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On the subject of which - it's also nice to finally see a film which was shot in Canada admitting to this, and not trying to play itself off as being set in America as so many do. You know all those films set in Washington D.C. which are filmed in Toronto? Can't think of one? How about ANY film set in D.C. where you see a skyscraper? Since there are no skyscrapers in D.C. Oh, plus half the films set in New York...<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_Zp2JjXjF6g/Tv0-AVisXVI/AAAAAAAABME/Nzjo6JDvbSI/s1600/Die_Hard_4_Helicopter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="484" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_Zp2JjXjF6g/Tv0-AVisXVI/AAAAAAAABME/Nzjo6JDvbSI/s640/Die_Hard_4_Helicopter.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Oh look, a 50-odd storey building in Die Hard 4 - well, that can't possibly have been shot in Canada, can it?</em></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rnaur4TpN3w/Tv0-nrBS8pI/AAAAAAAABMQ/Ycqw31vLqpE/s1600/No_buildings_above_20_stories_here_bitch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="416" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rnaur4TpN3w/Tv0-nrBS8pI/AAAAAAAABMQ/Ycqw31vLqpE/s640/No_buildings_above_20_stories_here_bitch.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>You know, in LA confidential, the cameras were placed deliberately so that any building taller than city hall would not be seen, because at the time the movie was set, that was the tallest building in LA. But when you come to movies set in D.C...</em></div>
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So mad props to Dolph for that - why play to the American audience. Canada has awesome stuff too...<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2RS5UwD0DDA/Tv0_uPUVT-I/AAAAAAAABMc/7jufKHog0do/s1600/trailer_park_boys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2RS5UwD0DDA/Tv0_uPUVT-I/AAAAAAAABMc/7jufKHog0do/s400/trailer_park_boys.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Fuck yeah.</em></div>
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In fact, the only real problem I had with the film (as well as the ridiculous death scene pictured above) was how open it was left at the end. It just didn't feel right, leaving the film at the point we did. If it had ended a scene earlier, things would have been perfect. If we had seen what happened next, it might have been better, but the ending felt pretty lackluster after the rest of the film. Oh, also, the codename for Dolph's character Icarus was a bit distracting, since I'd just watched Sunshine...<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ooOaeTuokjI/Tv07c8vE58I/AAAAAAAABLg/_Gd1NJ7vpB8/s1600/Sunshine_Icarus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ooOaeTuokjI/Tv07c8vE58I/AAAAAAAABLg/_Gd1NJ7vpB8/s400/Sunshine_Icarus.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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So, to sum up - awesome pace, well shot, compelling if a little cliched story, bitching soundtrack, incredible effects, and that guy from Inglorious Batards. What more could you want?<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3oZMsnJoGpY/Tv03jtcTO7I/AAAAAAAABLI/hPGNPWlWL8A/s1600/inglorious_bastards_Bo_svenson_Fred_Williamson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3oZMsnJoGpY/Tv03jtcTO7I/AAAAAAAABLI/hPGNPWlWL8A/s640/inglorious_bastards_Bo_svenson_Fred_Williamson.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Given Fred Williamson would make a ridiculous KGB agent-turned Russian mobster...</em></div>
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Another cool thing about this film is that Dolph mixes up his fighting style so that rather than just the straight karate and shooting we're used to, he throws in some proper MMA-style shit as well, throwing and grappling dudes to mix things up with his punches. He looks great too, which is a relief, given some of the pictures of him which have been floating around recently:</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g2d0NNemqr4/Tv074G2qloI/AAAAAAAABLs/ErexFG1R3L4/s1600/dolph-lundgren-old.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g2d0NNemqr4/Tv074G2qloI/AAAAAAAABLs/ErexFG1R3L4/s400/dolph-lundgren-old.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Though, to be fair, he did play a heroin addict right after this, so maybe he was just trying to get into character?</em></div>
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This is Dolph at his finest, and it's unbelievable that he wasn't a fan of this cut of the movie. Now I really want to see the director's cut to find out what he did differently!</div>
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<strong>****</strong></div>
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<strong>4 Stars</strong></div>
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Brilliant action film, incredibly well shot, and with some half decent emotional scenes as well (unlike Steven Seagal's sex scene in 'A Dangerous Man'. Talk about awkward...). The plot is fairly predictable, but unravels nicely, and is on a par with other similar films such as A History of Violence. The pace of the action is incredible, and you wonder how they manage to keep it up for an entire movie without guys getting shot to pieces becoming boring. This film is nothing ground breaking, but has got to be the best action movie to come out since Punisher: War Zone. Plus, silenced Desert Eagles - What more could you want?</div>
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<em>Das Vidanja!</em> </div>
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<strong>Voice</strong></div>
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(<em>I speak no Russian whatsoever, so I'm hoping my basic grasp of Serbian (do viđenja) is enough to have spelt that correctly</em>...)</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-29240546366983211872011-12-28T00:52:00.000+00:002011-12-28T01:01:49.927+00:00Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hDuQLRGIUjw/TvpaMFaV6jI/AAAAAAAABI4/1CVp2BB9oGg/s1600/Arkham.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hDuQLRGIUjw/TvpaMFaV6jI/AAAAAAAABI4/1CVp2BB9oGg/s1600/Arkham.jpg" /></a></div>
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I have a confession to make. One I'm actually rather ashamed of. Arkham Asylum is actually only the second Batman graphic novel I have ever read, after Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns. In fact, the only graphic novels I have read other than these two are Garth Ennis's entire run on The Punisher's MAX series, the first few issues of Preacher, and Alan Moore's Watchmen. That's it. I've skimmed through other people's copies of "The Crow" and odd issues of various Marvel comics, but that's it. I am not well versed in the world of graphic novels.<br />
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That said, I still feel capable of reviewing Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, so here are my opinions on it:<br />
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Whilst the subplot involving Amadeus Arkham and the founding of the Asylum is thrilling and intriguing, Batman's storyline is, for the most part, fairly dull. The majority of the villains who appear are only seen on one or two pages, often not really doing anything. Whilst the inclusion of Clayface, the Mad Hatter, and Maxie Zeus was undoubtedly to add to the atmosphere of insantiy, I would have liked it if these villains had actually <strong>done </strong>something. Whilst Doctor Destiny's early fate felt rewarding, had I known that all the encounters with Batman's adversaries would be this brief, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed that scene quite so much.<br />
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In fact, every last one of these characters could have been switched for just standard deranged inmates - they play no real part in the story, other than adding to the atmosphere. However, when you've just come from reading Ennis's Punisher, and Frank Miller's The Dark Knight, you have an expectation that the villains will all be a struggle to defeat, and will all play a significant role. Instead, we have a group of villains who do nothing but sit around and talk, and whilst I can see what the intention was: to contribute to the atmosphere and insanity of the piece, the fact that I was expecting Batman to have to fight all of these villains meant that their appearances were more of a let-down than anything else. Perhaps as a first-time reader this would have been a more intriguing approach - reminiscent of the scenes in the Shining such as Shelly Duvall running in on the original furries, or Jack Nicholson's unfortunate bathroom experience - but coming from reading The Dark Knight Returns, it just felt like a cop-out. As though they didn't have enough pages to really show off these villains, but still wanted to include them. Still, having now finished the book, I feel that what they did with these characters, whilst frustrating at the time, was a clever divergence from the comic-book norm, and as such helps contribute to the uniqueness of the piece.<br />
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Another thing which makes this graphic novel unique is the artwork - the panels vary from grayscale pencil sketches, to full blown watercolours, to even what appear to be photographs, and the lettering is just outstanding, with each character being given their own style of lettering to mimick their speech. Whilst batman's speech bubbles appear black with white text, the joker speaks in a sharp, red, manic font which, whilst occasionally making it difficult to read what he's saying given how small the print of the book is, really gives us a great insight into his state of mind, and an amazing representation of his speech pattern. All these things contribute to that word I keep coming back to: Atmosphere - as that is what this comic is truly about.<br />
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The backstory to Arkham Asylum is dark and thrilling, with Amadeus Arkham's tale being gripping right from the first page - from his mother's insanity, to his dealings with the man who inspired him to set up the asylum and later went on to push him over the edge into full-blown insanity himself, this story could have been written as a stand-alone and still been well worth the read. The way the story is intercut with Batman's storyline is also incredible, especially with the juxtaposition in the fight with Croc (my only real disappointment here is that it wasn't Bane who Batman was fighting - since each character is simply characterized by being massive and strong, but Croc's physical nature takes away from the realism of the piece, being a mutant-crocodile and all...)<br />
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The ending as well, whilst initially a let-down, leaving too many open questions, suddenly became brilliant with the revelation on the last two pages. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't read it, but if you've reached the point when it looks like everything is resolved and are still wondering "Well, that was dumb, because what if...?", turn the page to the final two-page spread for the reveal, and suddenly the ending seems quite brilliant, and makes the earlier scene in which Batman decides to go back in after finding the tunnel out of the Asylum finally make sense.<br />
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In all, then, I would recommend this book for its fantastic artwork, and the imposing atmosphere it creates. The story is brilliant as well, as long as you know what to expect going in. Don't go in expecting this to be anything like The Dark Knight Returns, and you should do fine. Think of it more as being Batman's The Shining, and I guarantee you'll enjoy it. Now please press Ctrl+f and see how many times I've used the word "atmosphere", then berate me for not being able to come up with any suitable synonyms.<br />
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So, to sum up, whilst disappointing in areas at first, once I had finished the book, I realized what it all meant, and was thoroughly impressed with the end result. The joker is drawn absolutely insanely, and you should probably buy this book just to look at the way in which his speech pattern is imitated in text form. The book is also responsible for the inclusion of the "disappearing pencil" magic trick in The Dark Knight, in case there are any fans of the film out there, so if you want to see the origins on that little gem, look no further. Arkham Asylum tells a fantastic horror story, broken up with a thriller of a man on the run from a crowd of lunatics who want him dead, both of which come together like a Johnny Gossimer novel at the end. If you want a horror comic, and are a fan of Batman like myself, look no further. at 128 pages, it is a little on the short side, and I felt Batman's storyline could have been extended to make it into more of an epic. But then, if it had been too long and included unnecessary subplots I'd just be bitching about that now instead, so whilst there are areas which could have used a little more attention, I'm happy with the short length of the piece.<br />
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I'm rambling now, so I'll sign off. I liked this book, and so should you. Here's a little teaser to pique your interest:<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-v4fhxnB5F3c/TvpmJR65ZeI/AAAAAAAABJE/TvczeYWD4Y8/s1600/The_Joker_Arkham_Asylum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-v4fhxnB5F3c/TvpmJR65ZeI/AAAAAAAABJE/TvczeYWD4Y8/s400/The_Joker_Arkham_Asylum.jpg" width="255" /></a></div>
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Now I guess I'll have to play the game "Arkham Asylum" and see if it's anything like the graphic novel...<br />
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<strong>Voice</strong><br />
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P.S. in the gym, waiting for my training partner to arrive, the Princess Diaries came on, and I started watching it (confusing it with The Princess Bride, a film everyone tells me I need to watch (No Homo)). Suddenly, I'm looking forward to seeing Catwoman in the next Batman film...<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IMQhge8FTcQ/TvpnnKQQ1WI/AAAAAAAABJQ/OclLmO5u3Aw/s1600/Anne_Hathaway_The_Princess_Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IMQhge8FTcQ/TvpnnKQQ1WI/AAAAAAAABJQ/OclLmO5u3Aw/s400/Anne_Hathaway_The_Princess_Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Don't worry, guys, she's 19 here. You're safe.</em></div>
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Reading this also makes me less concerned about the reboot <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2011/11/truth-about-batman-dark-knight-rises.html">I mentioned earlier</a>, because it actually gives the creators a chance to go in a completely different direction. Let's have the first Batman Horror movie. Let's have Batman's The Shining. Then maybe we won't be wondering what the fuck they're doing planning a reboot before Nolan's last film is even out.Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-79078938325264376162011-12-19T20:45:00.000+00:002011-12-21T01:34:46.520+00:00HOLY SHIT! BREAKING NEWS!!!!<br />
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Today, I finally received news of one of those events which shocks the world. Something so great, I can hardly even believe I'm typing it. That's right: They are <a href="http://www.nme.com/filmandtv/news/american-psycho-remake-given-the-green-light/255290">remaking American Psycho</a>, and setting it in the present day.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLh5mTMF1Be4yeiF_iv0yN0Io3q80MleLJgwyJfnwRfQkrnc4dkICEIsn0fgBg90NYLkbaF9_xem7aP5zJ_4Be8kKIYnRCjzK6_j8K0_zpCbmaGEM_L6wxIUhy6Uuvc9vX62G5g0DFDpa5/s1600/Kim_Jong_IL_-_for_teh_lulz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="362" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLh5mTMF1Be4yeiF_iv0yN0Io3q80MleLJgwyJfnwRfQkrnc4dkICEIsn0fgBg90NYLkbaF9_xem7aP5zJ_4Be8kKIYnRCjzK6_j8K0_zpCbmaGEM_L6wxIUhy6Uuvc9vX62G5g0DFDpa5/s400/Kim_Jong_IL_-_for_teh_lulz.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>For some reason, people keep emailing me this image today - what does this have to do with Ameican Psycho being remade?</em></div>
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Now, this seems a little odd, since a lot of American Psycho was heavily tied in with the eighties, being a social commentary and whatnot. However, it is still possible they will be able to pull this off, given Wall Street is still as callous and greedy as it ever was. My only concern is that, with the times having changed so much, how will the story differ from the original (which already differs greatly from the book)?<br />
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Luckily, IMDB Pro already has a page up for the new film, so here are a few select samples, copied and pasted in for your pleasure:<br />
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<strong>AMERICAN PSYCHO (2012)</strong><br />
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<strong>Synopsis</strong>: A wealthy New York investment banking executive hides his alternate ego as an internet troll from his co-workers and friends as he escalates deeper into his illogical, gratuitous fantasies. <br />
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<strong>Memorable Quotes</strong>: <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: I'm at a loss. He was part of that whole..."Mac thing"... you know?<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004413/">Donald Kimball</a>: What do you mean... "Mac thing"?<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Well, I think for one that he was probably a closet homosexual and a hipster. Who bought overpriced hardware to try and look "individual"... that Mac thing. <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: [voiceovers] I can't believe Bryce prefers Van Patten's tripcode to mine. If I was a Newfag I would start a thread with Van Patten's Facebook on, telling everyone to troll him for being a dick. But I'm not. I'll just speak to one of the sysops instead - they all come on my IRC, and won't want to get Banhammered for not trolling him for me.<br />
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[Bryce posts that he is going to go offline, Bateman interrupts]<br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Let's see Paul Allen's tripcode.<br />
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[Looking at Paul Allen's thread] <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Look at that custom wording, so it actually spells something. The tasteful use of Leet Speak. Oh my God, it even has an exclaimationmark! <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Did you know Linkin Park's debut album, titled simply "Hybrid Theory" has sold over 24 million copies worldwide? And that 5 of the 12 tracks on the album were released as singles? Their follow up album Meteora was a little emo for my taste, but Hybrid theory defines the perfect fusion of alternative rock, and hip hop.<br />
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<strong>Elizabeth</strong>: [laughing] You... You actually own a Linkin Park CD? More than one?<br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Ask me a question. <br />
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<strong>Club Patron</strong>: So, what do you do? <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly. <br />
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<strong>Club Patron</strong>: Do you like it? <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Well, it depends. Why? <br />
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<strong>Club Patron</strong>: Well, most guys I know who work for Apple's legal department don't like it. <br />
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<strong>Hipster's Sign</strong>: I am the 99%. Feed me a stray cat.<br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Don't you want to know what I do? <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0119962/">Christie</a>: No. No, not really. <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Well, I work on Wall Street... for Goldman Sachs. And I think you really need to get yourself a proper job and start paying taxes, so you can pay for my bonus when it comes time for our next bailout. <br />
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[The girls shake their heads, Bateman's Jaw Tightens] <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0119962/">Christie</a>: Is that really how Capitalism is supposed to work? <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: Well, actually, Christie, that's none of your business. But I can assure you, all your moneys are belong to us. <br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0004406/">Patrick Bateman</a>: [on the phone to his lawyer] Harold, it's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know: I've trolled a lot of people. Some furries on the Fur News Network uh, some obese people on YouTube - maybe 5 or 10 - um, a fashion Blogger who walked into a propellor. I spammed her facebook 'Get Well' page with posts saying she looked like Willem Dafoe. I hacked into Lori Drew's cell phone and left a message saying she killed Megan Meier for the Lulz, and used a low-orbital ion cannon to DDoS 9gag last week. I posted a pic on /b/ telling people to go on imagefap and search for "loli" - I had to, someone has to clean out all the cancer - and, uh, some other .gif I can't remember maybe some gore? But not that chainsaw one. And Mitchell Henderson. I've been putting an iPod on Mitchell Henderson's grave on the anniversary of his death for the past 4 years now. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've trolled maybe 200 people, maybe 400. I have screenshots of a lot of it, uh some of the guys on my IRC have seen the pictures. I even, um... I even RickRoll'd some people, and I tried to pretend I thought Millhouse was a meme. Tonight I, uh, I just had to DDoS a LOT of Websites. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty 1337 guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up on IRC, so you know, keep your eyes open. <br />
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<strong>Trivia:</strong> <br />
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Bateman excuses himself from a conversation by claiming he has an appointment with "Clay Davis". This was <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0926086/">Isiah Whitlock Jr.</a>'s character's name in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306414/">The Wire</a>. <br />
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In each scene with Detective Donald Kimball (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000221/">Charlie Sheen</a>), The Rock asked Sheen to portray the character three different ways: 1) Kimble knew Patrick Bateman killed Paul Allen, 2) Kimball didn't know Bateman killed Allen, and 3) Kimball didn't think Bateman killed Allen, but was fucking with him for the lulz. Johnson would then edit the takes together, giving the audience an unsure vibe of what Detective Kimball thought of Bateman. <br />
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Unlike Harron's 2000 adaptation of America Psycho, The Rock's version includes a scene with Patrick Bateman's brother Sean, played by <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000680/">Casper Van Dien</a>. Interestingly, Van Dien played Juan "Johnny" Rico in Starship Troopers, alongside <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000461/">Michael Ironside</a> (Christie), although the two never appear on-screen together in this film. <br />
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In the first interview between Detective Kimball (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000221/">Charlie Sheen</a>) and Bateman, when Kimball asks what Bateman thinks could have happened to Paul Allen, Bateman suggests that a poster from >>>/mu/ may have hunted him down and killed him for saying Spandau Ballet are a rubbish band. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000925/">Steven Berkoff</a>, who plays Paul Allen, also starred in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099951/">The Krays</a> (1990), in which his character, George Cornell, is shot by Ronnie Kray, who is played by Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet. <br />
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Initially, Lions gate were keen to cast <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000174/">Val Kilmer</a> as Detective Robert Kimball. However, after Kilmer overheard The Rock refer to him as "The worst Batman ever", he left the project. The part eventually went to Charlie Sheen. <br />
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<strong>Voice</strong><br />
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P.S. How appropriate it is that my 111th post would just happen to be about American Psycho. Check out my trips!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJxtwOYuxI7AXmju1wlR9Qj25c2IMFWP2OXZKuRHnLG56kDMzT4ncTYtud658ABnbleNR-nP3APlOpSmxlCq2bEy08R_t-i-JdJwKtxP1uK8NoEFZ5DLODWKRE3QtfsOE6uCr463aoANKj/s1600/trips.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJxtwOYuxI7AXmju1wlR9Qj25c2IMFWP2OXZKuRHnLG56kDMzT4ncTYtud658ABnbleNR-nP3APlOpSmxlCq2bEy08R_t-i-JdJwKtxP1uK8NoEFZ5DLODWKRE3QtfsOE6uCr463aoANKj/s320/trips.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-14110851203080177332011-12-14T01:57:00.006+00:002012-01-29T21:20:59.229+00:00The Top Everything of 2011 - An Idea I Totally Stole From Cracked.com Because I'm Lazy and Unoriginal and Need Content<div>
Despite 2011 still having half a month left to go, Cracked.com has released their list of "<a href="http://www.cracked.com/cracked-64-top-8-everything-of-2011/">The Top 8 of Everything of 2011</a>". Not to be upstaged by them, and wanting to fit in with the "cool" kids, I've taken that idea and run with it, creating my own list of the top things of the year. I hope this makes up for all the neglect. Enjoy.<br />
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<strong>Movie of the Year</strong></div>
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I’m going to hold off on this one to some extent, since I haven’t seen Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, which I suspect will be the film of the year. However, commenting on films I have seen, it’s still going to be a challenge to come up with one which really defines the top movie of 2011. Warrior was an enjoyable genre piece, and definitely worth the watch, but it felt almost like I was watching a guide on “how to make any sports movie, ever”. The only thing it didn’t include was tension between white and black players on a team who finally decide they can trust each other, or the guy from Saw VI playing an East German Bobsleigh racer…<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt6rvlYxZnANMBbx3chNJat4mNETRLafF9ETM7hoxs8uL9IvFyE8fAQooMVpHRcpV6Zd3VoDDBgS6UYgQ5k2YFDMjGdnn8J9MyJZ93D24lEC3tqr8hJa4sH6Ibppx-0sN6wwIeBdtAD4M/s1600/Peter_outerbridge_cool_runnings_east_german.gif"></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vGwkvSkP2vKWj5VEnkiyOBoUvRV-XtEotRNhIoo04vLoJzq_olOQj7dYk1nbvDrn0gN9SjSkLnFQdYrDeVZJt0_XEbhXgiPkOeQs3BYqoCjGdKKIwaBBQSp3dABlBzFycjdqLtK5Bs2h/s1600/Peter_outerbridge_cool_runnings_east_german.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vGwkvSkP2vKWj5VEnkiyOBoUvRV-XtEotRNhIoo04vLoJzq_olOQj7dYk1nbvDrn0gN9SjSkLnFQdYrDeVZJt0_XEbhXgiPkOeQs3BYqoCjGdKKIwaBBQSp3dABlBzFycjdqLtK5Bs2h/s1600/Peter_outerbridge_cool_runnings_east_german.gif" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt6rvlYxZnANMBbx3chNJat4mNETRLafF9ETM7hoxs8uL9IvFyE8fAQooMVpHRcpV6Zd3VoDDBgS6UYgQ5k2YFDMjGdnn8J9MyJZ93D24lEC3tqr8hJa4sH6Ibppx-0sN6wwIeBdtAD4M/s1600/Peter_outerbridge_cool_runnings_east_german.gif"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt6rvlYxZnANMBbx3chNJat4mNETRLafF9ETM7hoxs8uL9IvFyE8fAQooMVpHRcpV6Zd3VoDDBgS6UYgQ5k2YFDMjGdnn8J9MyJZ93D24lEC3tqr8hJa4sH6Ibppx-0sN6wwIeBdtAD4M/s1600/Peter_outerbridge_cool_runnings_east_german.gif"></a>Seriously, Warrior plays out exactly as you would expect it to, and whilst the action is awesome, the emotional scenes are intense, and Tom Hardy’s traps are fucking huge – it is ultimately predictable, and brings nothing new to the table.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghCFgGaqthDbHlGcYA25b3-z-y94eCAoCqqcv3r3Fi1RlHrt8FIL6nc_dIC8GE9J-TQ3UEknDWQ9IijzLCZNgqo__V2PHth2sY6Wa-ljScS_wRVMojIC-_d6Z2cZBTDYrBtcT14wLzngd5/s1600/Tom_hardy_warrior.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghCFgGaqthDbHlGcYA25b3-z-y94eCAoCqqcv3r3Fi1RlHrt8FIL6nc_dIC8GE9J-TQ3UEknDWQ9IijzLCZNgqo__V2PHth2sY6Wa-ljScS_wRVMojIC-_d6Z2cZBTDYrBtcT14wLzngd5/s320/Tom_hardy_warrior.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>Other than Tom Hardy's Enormous Traps, that is.</em></div>
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A Serbian Film is another possible nominee for this category, but again, it didn’t really live up to the hype. Whilst on the rewatch I certainly appreciated it more, realizing that it was not “predictable”, as the ending was never meant to be a twist, but simply the inevitable outcome (I didn’t rage about ‘Until Death’ because Jean Claude Van Damme was obviously going to die at the end, because it’s supposed to be inevitable, so why did it bother me with A Serbian Film? Because of the fucking hype surrounding it, and everyone calling it a “horror film”, making me see the similarities with SAW before anything else). However, A Serbian Film still isn’t exactly ground breaking, and whilst one hell of an achievement for a first time writer and director, I hardly feel I can award it the title of Film of the Year. And this leaves me in a difficult position. You see: What good films have come out this year?</div>
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<em>Hugo will be torrented by thousands of /b/tards who want to furiously fap to Chloe Moretz...</em></div>
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Of IMDB’s list of the 10 most popular films of the year, the only one I have seen, or indeed want to see, is Warrior (As of writing this, it is #184 on IMDB’s top 250 list). Can we really have had such a bad year in film that a decent, but incredibly predictable and clichéd sports movie, is the best we’ve got? Depressingly, it appears so. Even films soon to be released, such as the new Sherlock Holmes, or Mission Impossible 4, will undoubtedly fail to live up to even Warrior’s modest prestige, so I can only hope that Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy really is a good as everyone says, otherwise it looks like the film industry is dead.</div>
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<em>Right.</em></div>
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I suppose ultimately, the film of the year would have to be the combined parts of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. It’s a real cop-out, because they’re not actually great movies – but it is nice to see a film series like that finally tied up, so Daniel Radcliffe can go about making films where the Germans shoot him to pieces as he storms a bunker, and Rubert Grint can go back to Eiffel Towering girls on wild weekends.<br />
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And Ralph Fiennes can go back to being a Nazi?<br />
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<em>"Actually, It's Rafe"</em></div>
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<strong>Video Game of the Year</strong><br />
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The debate here is going to be as boring as ever. First Person Shooter fanboys will be raging hard, shouting either “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3!” or “No! Battlefield 3!”, but the truth is, neither of these deserves to win. We have had enough of games in which Russian terrorist groups plan to set off a nuclear bomb in the United States, or Terrorist groups set off a biological weapon in London, allowing the Russian Army to take control of Europe. All these games have the same basic plot – because they aren’t trying to sell the campaign modes. They’re selling you a new map pack for your online gaming. Gone are the days when games would bother with things like plot, or half decent AI. And sure, Battlefield 3 deserves acknowledgement for making those stupid button-bashing cut-scene moments vaguely enjoyable, after the abortion which was Resident Evil 4 made us all rage beyond belief at the idea of someone including such a shitty function in a game.<br />
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But that doesn’t make up for all the short comings of these games. Call of Duty is still the same boring old game it ever was – with the same frustrating AI we’ve always had to deal with. 90% of the time your team are useless, standing behind you when you need to back out of a doorway, or running in front of you as you are trying to snipe, but when you try and go Lone Wolf, the game punishes you for not staying with your team, sending enemies to quickly overwhelm you, just because fuck you, they can. </div>
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Call of Duty also has the problem of never really having a limiter placed on the amount of bad guys who can appear – the quicker you play through a section, the less you have to fight. Now, obviously in World War 3 your enemies will be able to keep bringing in reinforcements, and I’m not saying they should make these games like Splinter Cell, with a restricted number of enemies all in their own specific areas. But ‘Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater’ had a much better solution to this – enemies will mass where action is occurring, so if you kill an inordinate number of enemies in one area after the alarm is raised, there will be far fewer enemies to fight in the next section of the game. Snake Eater came out in 2004, and has Modern Warfare 3 beaten both in terms of enemy AI and spawing, as well as in terms of making a game where you fight a terrorist group forcing a war between the United States and Russia engrossing and fun to play. Modern Warfare 3 is designed solely for Multiplayer online gaming, and still sucks for this, because respawns are too quick, and so there is never a realistic break in combat as one would expect.</div>
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<em>"I'm glad Viet Cong aren't magically appearing behind us every 5 seconds and knifing us in the back. That would be most unfortunate."</em></div>
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Everyone hates campers – but we all hate the dicks who you finally kill only to have come up behind you 2 seconds later and knife you because of insta-respawn – even more. In fact, I don’t even find these games fun to play online anymore, because they are simply full of kiddies who learn the maps inside-out, and run around ‘pwning’ others. And when you do manage to kill them, what happens? Nothing. They respawn instantly, and start acting like a dick again. I would like to see more intelligent multiplayer content. I know there is an online mode in which you are limited to only 5 lives, and whoever is left at the end is the winner, but this still seems unsatisfying. In fact, Battlefield’s ‘Rush’ mode is the only online first person shooter mode I still enjoy, and even that can be a piss take at times.</div>
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<em>Especially when you're playing with cunts like this...</em></div>
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As far as Battlefield’s campaign goes, I just couldn’t stand the scene where you are forced to kill an American Marine who bursts in on you after you receive intel from a Russian – simply because if you don’t kill him, he shoots you. What the fuck? You wind up being arrested regardless, couldn’t we have a slight variation from the story where you choose how you end up being questioned? ‘Splinter Cell: Double Agent’ had the same missions and ending regardless of what you did, but leaving the player in charge of a few simple actions, and giving us alternate cut scenes made it feel as though the player was changing what happened. Coming back to Snake Eater – you could kill The End without ever having to fight him if you so desired, by sniping him prior to entering the warehouses after defeating The Pain. Ocelot’s bullets would also change chambers, or even guns. When you face off with him in the plane, sometimes he had the loaded gun, sometimes you did. These little differences never affected the overall story, but it made you feel like you were in control of the game. Having to shoot a Marine because he will kill you on sight if you don’t takes all the emotion out of the act, and makes it as dull as any other killing in the game. Battlefield is certainly a better series than Call of Duty, but it’s not much of an improvement.</div>
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Forza is another contender for the game of the year, but again this suffers from the same problem as the first person shooters – it is just an extension of the previous games. Nothing new has been brought to the table for Forza 4, and whilst it may have improved realism, and some bitching AI, it is ultimately just Forza 3: improved. In fact, when I asked my younger cousin, who loves racing games and is a massive fan of Top Gear, if he wanted Forza 4 for Christmas, he wasn’t interested. Because it isn’t bringing anything to the table which Forza 3 didn’t already. And what does that<br />
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<em>A forced meme about arrows in the knee?</em></div>
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Skyrim is the talk of the town of late, but having a slow as fuck piece of shit laptop, I can’t really comment on the game, as I haven’t played it. Likewise, although I have played through limited sections of LA Noire, I wasn’t that impressed with what I saw, but acknowledge that maybe this is because you need to see the whole picture to appreciate it. When I watched the scene from Scarface where Tony confronts Frank by itself, I thought it was shit. Watching that scene in context, however, it is an awesome scene in an awesome film, and I can’t believe I ever disliked it. So, whilst I can say I wasn’t impressed with LA Noire, I must also acknowledge that perhaps if I had played through all 3 discs, rather than just odd sections, I would like it.</div>
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<em>Just as I can now fully appreciate this scene in Scarface...</em></div>
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I’m afraid, then, I am forced to agree with Cracked’s Jack O’Brien in saying that Angry Birds is probably the game of the year – because it has popularized hand-held gaming in a way not seen since Pokemon Blue and Red were first released. Angry Birds has made gaming socially acceptable in any circumstance whatsoever. Try playing Manhunt whilst working security in a Sainsbury’s, and you get some weird looks. Play Angry Birds behind the counter, and it’s all cool. Angry Birds has made gaming whilst you take a shit acceptable, and for that, it deserves some credit. But hang on – Angry Birds, whilst only becoming truly popular this year, was released in 2009; so by that logic, couldn’t the game of the year be Metal Gear Solid 3, because Konami are rereleasing it as part of their HD collection along with ‘Sons of Liberty’ and ‘Peacewalker’?<br />
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AAAAAAWWWWW YEEEEEAAAAH!!!!!!</div>
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<strong>Person of the Year</strong></div>
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I would love to be able to write Aziz Shavershiam here. The Zyzz was the embodiment of the spirit of live fast, die young, and leave an aesthetic as fuck corpse. But thanks to a certain incident involving a Sauna in Thailand back in August, it is sad to think that the Zyzz will never be eligible for this nomination again.<br />
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<em>God is Mirin' you Now, my Brother...</em></div>
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I cannot, however, in good conscience, award The Zyzz with the title of the Top Person of the Year 2011. Because no matter how much I, and thousands others, were mirin’, there is a man who changed the face of the world as we know it.</div>
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I slated The Dark Knight a bit (ok, a lot) after it came out, because it was such a letdown. However, on rewatching it, I found I actually rather enjoyed it, knowing what would happen, and no longer expecting it to live up to the hype (just like A Serbian Film). I mention this, because there is a piece of dialogue in that film which I think needs to be discussed, so you can truly understand why I have made the choice I have for Person of the year.</div>
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After Harvey Dent falls to his death (and no, I don’t consider that a spoiler – if you wanted to watch The Dark Knight, but haven’t seen it by now, you don’t know enough about movies to have found this Blog), Lieutenant Jim Gordon gravely states:</div>
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<em>“The Joker won. Harvey's prosecution, everything he fought for - undone. Any chance you gave us at fixing our city dies with Harvey's reputation. We bet it all on him. The Joker took the best of us and tore him down. People will lose hope.”</em></div>
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Assuming the world is Gotham City, and the shining light in politics – the beacon of social policy to which every country aspires, is Norway, then I’m afraid my nomination for Man of the Year 2011 goes to The Joker:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlMDF3lJl1PNn4MHp5qsnjzEwTBRCvOk_OUXq6qJUFwvPKJIPt_njqQSnkWsG45y7UIVus2YYqB6BH-EwRVICo3rvKiOE7BnTQRtLvMrAD_kIiQ7s99eIyq01KlYkjz_uYAIM5_7h4FIBg/s1600/Anders-Behring-Breivik-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlMDF3lJl1PNn4MHp5qsnjzEwTBRCvOk_OUXq6qJUFwvPKJIPt_njqQSnkWsG45y7UIVus2YYqB6BH-EwRVICo3rvKiOE7BnTQRtLvMrAD_kIiQ7s99eIyq01KlYkjz_uYAIM5_7h4FIBg/s400/Anders-Behring-Breivik-007.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>That guy has rape face...</em></div>
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Anders Behring Breivik. Breivik murdered 69 people on the island of utoya, and a further 7 in an attack on a Government building in Oslo. It was the worst massacre the world has ever seen, with Breivik, as Encyclopedia Dramatica would put it, smashing the ‘high score’ for the most people killed in a single rampage by an individual. People were calling for Breivik’s head, and yet Norway’s justice system will not allow the imprisonment of an individual for more than 30 years.</div>
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Breivik did to Norway what The Joker did to Harvey Dent – he took away their most beloved, and utterly destroyed them. Unfortunately, Norway reacted in a similar manner to Harvey Dent. Rather than stand tall as Gotham’s District Attorney, and await the capture of the individuals responsible for Rachael Dawes's Death, so he could punish him within the law, Norway decided to circumvent its own laws in order to punish those responsible for the murder of its loved ones.</div>
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Norway, the shining light of justice, equality, and socialism in the world, refused to let Breivik take the stand in his own defence in Court, and kept the details of the trial private. Not only this, but Breivik, a man who premeditated these attacks, and wrote a gigantic document explaining his reasons for the attacks, and what he hoped to achieve, was found insane by the Norwegian Courts - a convenient way of keeping a man, who in any society with life sentences or the death penalty would have been declared sane, locked away for the rest of his life, thereby avoiding the maximum penalty of 30 years the Courts could legally give him.<br />
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<em>Breivik won. Norway’s Human Rights policies, everything they stand for - undone. Any chance they gave us at fixing our own countries dies with Norway's reputation. We bet it all on them.</em></div>
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<em>Breivik took the best of us and tore them down. People will lose hope.</em></div>
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Anders Breivik has reduced Norway’s stance on Human Rights to little more than a joke, on a par with Serbia’s maximum sentence of 30 years, about which everyone jokes because we all know that, despite the courts in Serbia only being able to give you a 30 year sentence, once you go in prison, you will never be coming out. Norway’s stance on human rights has been reduced from a shining beacon for all nations to aspire to, to being on a par with a country which right now has one of its generals appearing at the Hague facing charges of crimes against humanity (though, Mladic is actually a Bosnian Serb, for the record). Whilst Norway is still seen to be standing up for the rights of the accused far more so than, say, The United States, or Iran, it has fallen a long long way. And after all, even if Two Face was a sympathetic character – killing those who deserved it, and even sparing some who did on the flip of a coin – his disregard for his own beliefs is what Gordon felt would ultimately destroy the Hope of the people of Gotham. And unfortunately, we have no Dark Knight to take the blame for Norway – no Jack Ruby administering extra legal justice so the Country itself could still appear righteous. Norway was pushed too far – and gave out its first ever life sentence to a sane individual. And for making them do this, Breivik is my man of the year. He is The Joker. And in 8 years time, we’ll see who emerges on the international stage as our Bane...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53Y-9yYvc0IuenMXDQWYnNwrVO5So2I5SLKU1nawwRaVP0LrBRBghQGNyB37mmrkcWRczcfeIQFViiZ2VQNUlIfaoHzZhX8SV4dfL9KZOZtFD4P-SoBFNPPA3UVRtvxNta-s3zdTydWYY/s1600/Roid_pimples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53Y-9yYvc0IuenMXDQWYnNwrVO5So2I5SLKU1nawwRaVP0LrBRBghQGNyB37mmrkcWRczcfeIQFViiZ2VQNUlIfaoHzZhX8SV4dfL9KZOZtFD4P-SoBFNPPA3UVRtvxNta-s3zdTydWYY/s320/Roid_pimples.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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Awesomely, for this analogy, I get to be Gary Oldman. Almost makes all those murders worth it…<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLkaV9qdSPZoD1QAQOWIQI6hSnnLtDjpMOAkLLkRb7o-xFQ_5oHmp0r5n_3JKmusahyphenhyphenSH31an-NtFKIhXhm1_O6OzlYja0KyKk3zcrsHNE7245nzYEJlUnTvTi4xXWhPxe0H0INdeof3N/s1600/Gary_Oldman_Yeeeeaaah_CSI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLkaV9qdSPZoD1QAQOWIQI6hSnnLtDjpMOAkLLkRb7o-xFQ_5oHmp0r5n_3JKmusahyphenhyphenSH31an-NtFKIhXhm1_O6OzlYja0KyKk3zcrsHNE7245nzYEJlUnTvTi4xXWhPxe0H0INdeof3N/s400/Gary_Oldman_Yeeeeaaah_CSI.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I’m kidding – please don’t hunt me down for that comment.<br />
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<strong>Picture of the Year</strong><br />
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This one doesn’t need any real discussion. Sure, there are plenty of funny pictures out there, but we’re talking here about pictures that really capture the essence of what 2011 was all about. So, I don’t believe we need look any further than a picture of a fat ill-educated member of the working class pepperspraying people who are fighting to give him a better pension, better healthcare, and a higher wage. God Bless America.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBnXvcyM3B4qJasKyiq6BWLtbsJmsdrFqsxWApeO8yQpPpBQ0hSVAW-ugC2NdlCXV5RLjvG42nWy5BaJkZEG6eBuBuAS1TAJQIHuxVSNQdNO2wL9TE2MhZuAKQXf415ioBuTWDfQcVK-Zk/s1600/pepper_spray_cop_watering_his_hippies.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBnXvcyM3B4qJasKyiq6BWLtbsJmsdrFqsxWApeO8yQpPpBQ0hSVAW-ugC2NdlCXV5RLjvG42nWy5BaJkZEG6eBuBuAS1TAJQIHuxVSNQdNO2wL9TE2MhZuAKQXf415ioBuTWDfQcVK-Zk/s400/pepper_spray_cop_watering_his_hippies.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>He used 99% of that can...</em></div>
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I’ve heard people moaning about the Occupy movement, saying it’s all just a bunch of rich college kids who have nothing to complain about themselves, standing up for something because it’s the cool thing to do, and not because they actually need the rights they’re demanding. But holy shit – you know what that makes me think?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTukDAB1SQ2T9aI-oalFeLATy-NTpklnjj_YDKh_YQq9dT1mFdwp0T6_sXQKf5V2zFohtsDi4bLD0_SjvWyXqwN2oFaI5Ir7N_u8y3nIEfpTiVDBsSrdRbZnKBPTYmeADNFmL62h3dwPcQ/s1600/Occupy_Wall_Street_the_musical.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTukDAB1SQ2T9aI-oalFeLATy-NTpklnjj_YDKh_YQq9dT1mFdwp0T6_sXQKf5V2zFohtsDi4bLD0_SjvWyXqwN2oFaI5Ir7N_u8y3nIEfpTiVDBsSrdRbZnKBPTYmeADNFmL62h3dwPcQ/s640/Occupy_Wall_Street_the_musical.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>I'm still working on the script. I just need One Day More. And yes, that is two awful puns on consecutive pictures.</em></div>
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Yeah, that’s exactly the set-up of Les Miserables. You know, the musical where we’re on the side of the rich college revolutionaries? Whilst we’re on the subject, I think we may have a nominee for the worst film of 2012 here, too:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKrf2cqMuU2p0apLAz5WJR4tyH3x0AGhnB5w83L1EPHOb9Zp73SGNPvnwt3NdeoqVZdpH4toncVO-LGhOsenux9l9b07vEfpqp0SX4zLxX441cLcMAOrT8MWxToiJx2l105kCykJ5RcZp7/s1600/Les_Miserables_2012_cast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKrf2cqMuU2p0apLAz5WJR4tyH3x0AGhnB5w83L1EPHOb9Zp73SGNPvnwt3NdeoqVZdpH4toncVO-LGhOsenux9l9b07vEfpqp0SX4zLxX441cLcMAOrT8MWxToiJx2l105kCykJ5RcZp7/s640/Les_Miserables_2012_cast.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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Look at that cast, and weep.<br />
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<strong>Website of the Year</strong><br />
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<strong><br /></strong>I miss the old days to some extent. IMDB was a great site to lurk on a good 8 years ago, before it was bought by Amazon and starting getting shitty about what you could and could not post. I believe the concept of summerfags was invented on the Big Lebowski discussion board long before the term was ever applied to 4Chan (or 4Chan even existed). Likewise, I kind of miss the days when The Spoony Experiment was THE website to visit. This entire site only exists because I was a Spoony fanboy, and felt like doing some ranting reviews along the lines of his, but unfortunately, that site declined to such an extent I never really visit it any more (I suspect some of you are thinking the same about this Blog).</div>
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After that, Cracked.com became the place to be, and although it still does host some amusing articles and videos, either there has been a decline in quality of late, or I’m finally getting bored of the format. And whilst I would happily vote 4Chan as the greatest site of 2011, I can’t bring myself to type that, because 99% of it is shit (and I’m not even just counting /b/ here).</div>
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I guess, then, there is only one real choice for the greatest website of 2011. And don’t worry, I’m not so egotistical I would vote for my own site (though I totally would if I had two sites and posted on them with different names). My website of the year for 2011 is:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ycPnIBKiWRGChi6AawCJbAN2kUF5H9WVIeenRTZ20Pim3yJtoFbvwufHEmUjuCVlsfp0sCIK0XqxmvBAnB-ej9grqsZf6-IYULfrtjkC0Vb5bhAKPbVOX92x9BaMyz2FWEk66AW5sjFu/s1600/Encyclopedia_Dramatica_logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ycPnIBKiWRGChi6AawCJbAN2kUF5H9WVIeenRTZ20Pim3yJtoFbvwufHEmUjuCVlsfp0sCIK0XqxmvBAnB-ej9grqsZf6-IYULfrtjkC0Vb5bhAKPbVOX92x9BaMyz2FWEk66AW5sjFu/s320/Encyclopedia_Dramatica_logo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Encyclopediadramatica.ch<br />
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Yes, the Superior Wiki lives on in another form, brought back to us by the infamous Ryan Cleary:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9gmpdEomTSq63WB8eXcgtpY-QCU7BHbT3zOGSyxbiNK6esuZPCQKbsaG4c21zAHCOxssbNX-drIkQnW9fr7hLvFB-z6xjaieLgMAuzavg5SqWR8BBMRbEeCUomyINm4gOV3x_bIzUlSd/s1600/I_have_no_idea_who_made_this_image_but_I_love_them.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9gmpdEomTSq63WB8eXcgtpY-QCU7BHbT3zOGSyxbiNK6esuZPCQKbsaG4c21zAHCOxssbNX-drIkQnW9fr7hLvFB-z6xjaieLgMAuzavg5SqWR8BBMRbEeCUomyINm4gOV3x_bIzUlSd/s400/I_have_no_idea_who_made_this_image_but_I_love_them.jpg" width="280" /></a></div>
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Although missing many of the images stored on the old site, the new version does have the upside of including articles which were previously deleted for being too offensive. One particular page of interest is, of course, that of Madeleine McCann:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLg_wbz3P3X24TGH7JSbIsWW8jp_nr7mX3fcu-vWjP5Z9xcKco2bf4pwZZlkuYGNADnJT4YJ4WmVwWr0P_f24C4QMakr0jAKNLQzdRgPtwSJ7vRLcwCnZ5b4pJ2_ko4wE_Tk6jngE6tr3j/s1600/Can_I_Get_in_Trouble_for_reposting_this_shit_I%2527m_a_Law_Grad_I_Should_Fucking_Know.dib" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLg_wbz3P3X24TGH7JSbIsWW8jp_nr7mX3fcu-vWjP5Z9xcKco2bf4pwZZlkuYGNADnJT4YJ4WmVwWr0P_f24C4QMakr0jAKNLQzdRgPtwSJ7vRLcwCnZ5b4pJ2_ko4wE_Tk6jngE6tr3j/s640/Can_I_Get_in_Trouble_for_reposting_this_shit_I%2527m_a_Law_Grad_I_Should_Fucking_Know.dib" width="640" /></a></div>
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ED loves nothing more than controversy (well, LULZ, though LULZ inevitably create controversy), so it’s nice to see the site finally got some balls back, now that it’s being hosted in Switzerland. Another nice edition is hate pages directed at the editors, which could never be seen before, because whilst they were more than happy to dish out nastiness, none of them could take it. However, with DeGrippo moving over to OhInternet, which I hope by now has gone under (but I won’t actually check on that because I don’t want to give them traffic if the site is still up and running), the pages of the old editors are now filled with the same lulzy content as every other profile page on the site. What’s more, even Cleary’s page is filled with jokes about how mega-Aspie he is, including a fantastic quote from the telegraph, which states:</div>
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<em>“Mr Cleary is described as a "recluse" by his family and leaves his home so rarely that police who carried out surveillance on the property were unsure whether he would be there when they raided it, because they had never seen him go outside.”</em></div>
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When you can write that kind of shit on your own editor’s page – you know your website is truly in it For The Lulz.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYlKxvrwV1wFZaFn6jWyLPimNrVesItuBHKcr1nyuFEJ8QXTUJb4xwQtA2TvxUnzYSOaACZxpBNzU8lePEkF3ZiACzleODf3VoJ-Z90CJ0X7W6Xd69fVzzU6jTxFEM8bK_p6kGvJhS356f/s1600/Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="108" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYlKxvrwV1wFZaFn6jWyLPimNrVesItuBHKcr1nyuFEJ8QXTUJb4xwQtA2TvxUnzYSOaACZxpBNzU8lePEkF3ZiACzleODf3VoJ-Z90CJ0X7W6Xd69fVzzU6jTxFEM8bK_p6kGvJhS356f/s640/Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Banner.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<em>Their Banner Wasn't Lying!</em></div>
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There was a brief time with no adverts, but unfortunately, like all sites, they needed cash to keep running. So, ED now has Ads again, and I’m still stuck on a crappy Blog site without my own .com – such is life in Russia.</div>
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<em>I was looking for any excuse to post this one...</em></div>
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Well, that’s all the serious business out the way, so I’ll just round this up with a few quickfire nominations for more obscure categories.</div>
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<strong>The Least Helpful Response to a Serious Question</strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV2h6DGby0PeeFGymb7nKCf7rqsPnddoGQc2aAQNp-SqYdBsjwP8tZNhAz0VxyDubv_j41P7pHO0fNGBzZ428y_ZzNY1plW2X8Nz-w59wdhFoZFDxNhSupMYJrQCJ6Khu7sSl6lX8SP6Z7/s1600/cheating_wife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV2h6DGby0PeeFGymb7nKCf7rqsPnddoGQc2aAQNp-SqYdBsjwP8tZNhAz0VxyDubv_j41P7pHO0fNGBzZ428y_ZzNY1plW2X8Nz-w59wdhFoZFDxNhSupMYJrQCJ6Khu7sSl6lX8SP6Z7/s640/cheating_wife.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Here is a man at his wits end. As he later described in the thread, his wife had obviously been to this hotel, and it turns out she stayed in the room with another man. He feels he has to leave her for violating his trust, but doesn’t want to break up the marriage as they have kids together. And how does the very first poster respond when he first voices his concerns?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8fKrr3P9VclSv575YzdjNlQC0XSrhJ4ow8i0BzESnP21RsZB_JMaZUovx-qH0UPkQj8F2D8my6f49lZ5mNOPpMPGsnEbYwXFZuyL7Df_9XEEHOWljpurM6nIdle1Qtvoux_LGEISXOMSj/s1600/benoit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="341" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8fKrr3P9VclSv575YzdjNlQC0XSrhJ4ow8i0BzESnP21RsZB_JMaZUovx-qH0UPkQj8F2D8my6f49lZ5mNOPpMPGsnEbYwXFZuyL7Df_9XEEHOWljpurM6nIdle1Qtvoux_LGEISXOMSj/s400/benoit.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Hey, whilst we’re on the subject of 4Chan, how about…<br />
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<strong>Most Ridiculous Premise for a Raid Which Was Somehow Successful</strong></div>
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This might sound like a bit of an odd category, but I had to include it simply because of this. As we all know, /b/tards will occasionally open a thread asking others to suggest a video they can all raid with RIP comments, then they all get involved and have a jolly good chuckle at the result. They also edit Wikipedia pages, flood Yahoo Answers, and search Google using fancy software which constantly refreshes the searched topic to bump it up the list of “most common searches” in order to make things seem convincing. In cases where someone says “Let’s write RIP on 50 Cent’s new video, and say that Ja Rule shot him”, you can see how this sort of thing may fool people. However, it’s a bit harder to see how anyone falls for this sort of shit when the winning post is: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVbG7jO7zBSP-j8MtbPcLSOvVD5ceMRNXmcMiANIgO96u6ARAFsfrPcF6MaL04HYYTqdXHXDgTmmfb1IrAro7yQ3b1er88EGxpPo3GfeaTu3shenxbC7G9NeY4BQQ4grgTSDx3vsNMzA6T/s1600/oops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVbG7jO7zBSP-j8MtbPcLSOvVD5ceMRNXmcMiANIgO96u6ARAFsfrPcF6MaL04HYYTqdXHXDgTmmfb1IrAro7yQ3b1er88EGxpPo3GfeaTu3shenxbC7G9NeY4BQQ4grgTSDx3vsNMzA6T/s1600/oops.jpg" /></a></div>
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That’s right. Adele died of a cake overdose. And you know what? A few comments and votes by /b/tards later…<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvDhIPUqladWguW8be-eVfSka6TibOceLsAw24E23K0JhsRjyEWhURrkk21ApKRssVTb0D6a1I7Jh18C-xe5KNXLl4-f6pDpEccAH8_FKtMNK1EUnJ5fBidN9O9jyq6m8JCg5bf59UtOSL/s1600/adele_trolling_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="612" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvDhIPUqladWguW8be-eVfSka6TibOceLsAw24E23K0JhsRjyEWhURrkk21ApKRssVTb0D6a1I7Jh18C-xe5KNXLl4-f6pDpEccAH8_FKtMNK1EUnJ5fBidN9O9jyq6m8JCg5bf59UtOSL/s640/adele_trolling_2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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…and people actually bought it:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJqNuc-5nuOKPELOE9_iGjp48y2WCSmJXGLEHA_iCEFJ_TjDRmnDkiN_SJKRoWplJkIKQ0nQ18CQCRW207JeVV9z8L0o7zgqVC3UQEr0P3SaIMpY0N8ZEOg-absIrri4n7AtDov1kxX7-N/s1600/adele_trolling_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="338" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJqNuc-5nuOKPELOE9_iGjp48y2WCSmJXGLEHA_iCEFJ_TjDRmnDkiN_SJKRoWplJkIKQ0nQ18CQCRW207JeVV9z8L0o7zgqVC3UQEr0P3SaIMpY0N8ZEOg-absIrri4n7AtDov1kxX7-N/s400/adele_trolling_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Some /b/tard posted this, this is not from my Facebook. Because 1. I no longer have a Facebook, and 2. I don't speak to women. Ever.</em></div>
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Let me say that again, just to reinforce how ridiculous it is: People actually believed that Adele, the singer, had died from “Acute Cake Toxicity” at the age of 23, because it was on Wikipedia and YouTube.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGegLovEAn6C_rGzfEe073Wbjl9luAyUbRG0JzXo0VuZEu2KnyYDBq3Bh2UWIz1FS70NmkoNBMSsmonVJMSMXc2UaWsFgMua1Ardqo_Z00KSlMPhKBobUt4bgLzSV0Nrl9zq9OGcSFoRna/s1600/Adele.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGegLovEAn6C_rGzfEe073Wbjl9luAyUbRG0JzXo0VuZEu2KnyYDBq3Bh2UWIz1FS70NmkoNBMSsmonVJMSMXc2UaWsFgMua1Ardqo_Z00KSlMPhKBobUt4bgLzSV0Nrl9zq9OGcSFoRna/s400/Adele.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<em>Ok, so maybe it is KIND of believable...</em></div>
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And to think I thought they were trolling when I first heard Amy Winehouse was dead. I give these guys too much credit…<br />
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<strong>Dumbest Analogy Ever</strong><br />
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So one day a thread appears linking to a study in which quotes were taken from both convicted Rapists, and Mens Magazines (like the ones <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2010/06/dear-danny-dyer-text.html">Danny Dyer</a> writes for), seeing if participants could tell which of the quotes came from which source. Inevitably, the age old argument erupted of whether or not women really are "asking for it" when they go out dressed like whores, and whilst no-one could quite top Dave Chappelle's musings on the matter, there were some attempts to construct a logical argument as to why dressing in slutty clothes is not an invitation to be raped. Unfortunately, said analogy had a fairly big flaw in it...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRiDmkxfNDQ7KTzuUCQnM1nUUWWTfe2YZ81xOKSPKm4cCFV7F3caFlvDtu6i6s5dyxPIGLpFQbN37cBcNCYK1uzET0s9R6RS-hbfRZohizw7KuE1aaQKO0zdwg4UpVd8yISPc7CM6Nx0KK/s1600/retarded_rape_analogy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRiDmkxfNDQ7KTzuUCQnM1nUUWWTfe2YZ81xOKSPKm4cCFV7F3caFlvDtu6i6s5dyxPIGLpFQbN37cBcNCYK1uzET0s9R6RS-hbfRZohizw7KuE1aaQKO0zdwg4UpVd8yISPc7CM6Nx0KK/s640/retarded_rape_analogy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Now, normally these polls vote for George Clooney at the Academy Awards, despite the fact he is wearing the same Tuxedo from the same Tailor as 50% of the other men present. However, this award isn’t for the most stylishly dressed male of 2011. This is an award for the man who best represents 2011 with his sense of dress. In other words, this award should actually be called “The Most WFT? Picture of a Guy Dressed Retardedly” Award. And I give you our winner:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf-ixX9Heh_m-JgJzItgTo5BAkh0qvV24hNlubkU9pJ_eocUz15rYO5nCss6CXYoDg-hHS6DBfLyJ1u1Z5Yd2ldAQBea4HbiOaBnixecqssxUrbSgHURIw5CMnpeLbGRIgNOCUPKPp6FNL/s1600/faggot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf-ixX9Heh_m-JgJzItgTo5BAkh0qvV24hNlubkU9pJ_eocUz15rYO5nCss6CXYoDg-hHS6DBfLyJ1u1Z5Yd2ldAQBea4HbiOaBnixecqssxUrbSgHURIw5CMnpeLbGRIgNOCUPKPp6FNL/s640/faggot.jpg" width="489" /></a></div>
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The more you look at it, the weirder it gets.<br />
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And finally, we have the award you’ve all been waiting for. The award everyone wants to see the winner for. So, here it is, the last award of the night:<br />
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<strong>The Most Beautiful Smile of 2011 Award</strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcM7bDA1eQqNEPY8J61wpu3MbGcG8kVLQ87RxIr4E9P5rDbmfX6zbwxnHTMTn1knJfhr_vP_-Y7vNaryMukcWAajSu2Pai4uB0d5op1F8FhcBe5QmyvgVLBSlMHdw3NIL7rlhaxYDZZ6vU/s1600/gorgeous_smile_winner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="390" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcM7bDA1eQqNEPY8J61wpu3MbGcG8kVLQ87RxIr4E9P5rDbmfX6zbwxnHTMTn1knJfhr_vP_-Y7vNaryMukcWAajSu2Pai4uB0d5op1F8FhcBe5QmyvgVLBSlMHdw3NIL7rlhaxYDZZ6vU/s640/gorgeous_smile_winner.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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This girl just has the most incredible smile. Such lovely, perfect teeth. Don't you think?<br />
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<strong>Voice.</strong><br />
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</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-87256236512314148642011-12-01T20:02:00.001+00:002011-12-14T03:50:22.253+00:00Can You Crack It?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWEizzlcfBhc_aHNtxULsckL4F_6EH2BjLoM92W5vsjVWkZUBXQ03JKFfzvL7GFZER0sxZf_rPx6RMjsPycyxskyjcKhc5NkFPDJNAj5rAoLqbQOzv5uTs9-ea11Wujt_c7hDhht9Mawnd/s1600/1337_as_Fuark.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWEizzlcfBhc_aHNtxULsckL4F_6EH2BjLoM92W5vsjVWkZUBXQ03JKFfzvL7GFZER0sxZf_rPx6RMjsPycyxskyjcKhc5NkFPDJNAj5rAoLqbQOzv5uTs9-ea11Wujt_c7hDhht9Mawnd/s400/1337_as_Fuark.bmp" width="400" /></a></div>
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So apparently this "<a href="http://www.canyoucrackit.co.uk/">Can you crack it</a>?" website is kind of a big deal. Rumour has it that if you can break the code on the site, you will be recruited into Third Echelon, where you will serve as back up to Sam Fisher, helping him to hack into advanced systems on a real-time basis. That or <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120749/">it proves you're autistic</a>. Whatever the true nature of the site, however, it seems to have gained the attention of the internet, myself included. And not being one to pass up on a challenge, I decided that I would give it a go. Oh no, not cracking their code - that would be ridiculous. Have you seen that thing? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYootrItstt59ZVaovKVMguqLfRLXEhE497DjWVDx4FXYyeVvgXHm4uplahof5Sv_CWmhfkKvRxbV-ynNTM8r8O9zlJsJgDTmaxzgtKTKEuAYJTheRcNe97xUJmIAx1OTvJDq4SAxrvRio/s1600/can_you_crack_it.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="377" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYootrItstt59ZVaovKVMguqLfRLXEhE497DjWVDx4FXYyeVvgXHm4uplahof5Sv_CWmhfkKvRxbV-ynNTM8r8O9zlJsJgDTmaxzgtKTKEuAYJTheRcNe97xUJmIAx1OTvJDq4SAxrvRio/s640/can_you_crack_it.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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No, I decided that I would create a code, and upload it here to see if anyone else could break it. Now, i know that the majority of my siteviews come from people searching for that <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2011/04/thing-review.html">picture of Blade chasing Edward Cullen from Twilight</a>, and that the majority of people who drop in here don't actually bother to read anything. Kind of how most people probably don't listen to the lyrics of the song Hip to Be Square. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, but it's also a personal statement about the band itself. HEY PAUL! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxPnuAbnzXZ7se4EuiacngxeckxeMpnAx5FC1yNacDiJQegw7tMnuM8s7EHxB3YlUoJs2Bzk6yW01uMY4SAWLOkVYhoqtlG2S92HX-7kauP64GbB6sQl-2fhIU_fh5H4PzIX1uYIAbXNt/s1600/patrick_bateman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="417" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxPnuAbnzXZ7se4EuiacngxeckxeMpnAx5FC1yNacDiJQegw7tMnuM8s7EHxB3YlUoJs2Bzk6yW01uMY4SAWLOkVYhoqtlG2S92HX-7kauP64GbB6sQl-2fhIU_fh5H4PzIX1uYIAbXNt/s640/patrick_bateman.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>Try starting a Doubles thread now you stupid fucking bastard!</i> <br />
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I am also aware that the few of you who do actually pay attention to anything I say probably won't be all that interested in wasting hours trying to break a stupid code for no reward other than the satisfaction you will get knowing you have outsmarted some internet blogger who isn't even smart enough to know a sentence should not begin with the word "and". And I sympathize. But just on the off-chance there is anyone out there who would like to put their code-breaking skills to the test, I give you my code: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcCNrRVUNaJF0hmN7nnlJ2-RddPdm-X_Fh9wsIxNAmrOW5k_2J6RsuXAUl3wkNqv6frdStk_MyRHcoPHCFYZ9PegmXJY0WfdPvW9upSN03nY2d3OfK352aUoyl7YDNKzWc7FXZLxoZiccn/s1600/ultimate_code.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcCNrRVUNaJF0hmN7nnlJ2-RddPdm-X_Fh9wsIxNAmrOW5k_2J6RsuXAUl3wkNqv6frdStk_MyRHcoPHCFYZ9PegmXJY0WfdPvW9upSN03nY2d3OfK352aUoyl7YDNKzWc7FXZLxoZiccn/s640/ultimate_code.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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If anyone does actually want to give it a go, feel free to either email me the answer, or just leave it as a comment below. I will reveal the answer, as well as how to reach it, on December 11th, the same day the "Can you crack it?" contest comes to an end (guaranteed the answer will be all over 4chan before it does, mind you). I hope at least someone out there will be interested in killing some time working on this, but if not, fuck it. It was fun making it. And now just so I get some page views: Olivia Wilde in a Bikini. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWHgr6uRyj77oZU1NS0vHavI8LsmzHxPEkHE9M00VZAc8bhwDH-h6KNbqCWCC9PdWinlnVNT5CwDqLQVWxCsmW7sl29tCo8o5GI5_Xg9CoxQ9uLw5mDaLrY3iD_pWuisD7yyZQAiGyJyFS/s1600/Olivia_Wilde_GQ_Bikini_Photoshoot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWHgr6uRyj77oZU1NS0vHavI8LsmzHxPEkHE9M00VZAc8bhwDH-h6KNbqCWCC9PdWinlnVNT5CwDqLQVWxCsmW7sl29tCo8o5GI5_Xg9CoxQ9uLw5mDaLrY3iD_pWuisD7yyZQAiGyJyFS/s640/Olivia_Wilde_GQ_Bikini_Photoshoot.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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You know that's how I roll, baby. <br />
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<b>Voice</b><br />
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<strong>Update 14/12/2011</strong>: <em>Yeeeeaaah, I couldn't be bothered to go through how to solve this in the end, so I'll just leave it up as one of those great mysteries. If anyone can crack it, let me know and I'll give you a pair of 3D glasses in return (The awesome ones with the green and red lenses, not the crappy modern ones). Peace.</em>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-38718728418564180652011-11-30T14:07:00.001+00:002011-11-30T17:15:06.321+00:00Tom Hardy's Training Routine for The Dark Knight Rises<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I make this post out of a sense of duty to my readers. I know how many
people scour the web looking for the workouts of celebrities, and follow
whatever advice they find to the letter. Unfortunately for them, this advice is
always, ALWAYS bullshit, and they end up seeing absolutely no gains, and giving
up after a month or so of wasted time. I had a friend once who wanted to look like
Ryan Reynolds in Blade: Trinity, so looked up “his” routine online, to find
that it suggested starting your workout every day with 200 sit-ups, and then
moved on to 3 sets of 20 for dumbbell curls and other similarly ridiculous
suggestions. Likewise, whilst on /fit/ a couple of months back, someone posted
a link to a site claiming to have Chris Evans’ routine for ‘Captain America’ –
and once again, it was little more than a joke. These routines are created by
trolls, to try and get out of shape people to waste their time chasing a dream
which they will never reach if they follow that advice.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe0rsF-GC_4ZS3KnMuxszItbJjV3OEGNWXCmN4cia5PKhrjpkZOYSCdK1bghfEolD8Mr7SfnMj8iZWGFP6L4e22yCllo_6DW3DEecCu0Z71tBcVBvBOI8Ymwu4FINl761uqdpOjZ1UEt1L/s1600/Hannibal-King-blade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe0rsF-GC_4ZS3KnMuxszItbJjV3OEGNWXCmN4cia5PKhrjpkZOYSCdK1bghfEolD8Mr7SfnMj8iZWGFP6L4e22yCllo_6DW3DEecCu0Z71tBcVBvBOI8Ymwu4FINl761uqdpOjZ1UEt1L/s320/Hannibal-King-blade.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">You didn't really think you could reach 4% Bodyfat by eating MacDonalds and doing 200 Sit-ups a day, did you?</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But that all changes right here, right now. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm4_udUsspmNfCsa4u2LN9cwgi1GWW5NQGUuPQf8uruhZuBvBzfRbLap_waIw0EQlaLbJGLuuTYIvxx4w9N8jzl07A3n4InHQXb5bMgK0zb5f28ICPOIrp8hN_FoV0TwplnXCsSZHvqS6f/s1600/fuck_yeah.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm4_udUsspmNfCsa4u2LN9cwgi1GWW5NQGUuPQf8uruhZuBvBzfRbLap_waIw0EQlaLbJGLuuTYIvxx4w9N8jzl07A3n4InHQXb5bMgK0zb5f28ICPOIrp8hN_FoV0TwplnXCsSZHvqS6f/s320/fuck_yeah.gif" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, to kick things off – what’s the most obvious feature
when looking at Tom Hardy? What muscles does he have that really define him?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s right – his back. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOuBTqX3lIKhzoi8E6NKWi_v95dr66P3feUHxDEAIRhBpNNWHgh63iGNJYZkdY91uqvH5Rd8-w6X7w00qL_QFAJwTztLV_Ik9WYuhCDCn9S9XmY2uyAwsP0_BLqpws9D9AV8CvbNR4hPmQ/s1600/tom-hardy-bane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOuBTqX3lIKhzoi8E6NKWi_v95dr66P3feUHxDEAIRhBpNNWHgh63iGNJYZkdY91uqvH5Rd8-w6X7w00qL_QFAJwTztLV_Ik9WYuhCDCn9S9XmY2uyAwsP0_BLqpws9D9AV8CvbNR4hPmQ/s320/tom-hardy-bane.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, taking this as a starting point – how would one go about
getting a back like Tom Hardy’s?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Aziz Shavershian (The Zyzz) was quoted as saying to
</span><a href="http://www.simplyshredded.com/exclusive-zyzz-interview.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">simplyshredded.com</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> that his favourite exercise was the Deadlift, giving the
reason that “<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><em>This exercise will transform you body if done every week,
correctly. Go hard and have fun with them. Notice how you rarely see people
deadlift heavy at the gym? Do you also notice how all these people have average
physiques? Put 2 and 2 together</em>.”</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqkeiDXajkyStkLqVa2TMVPHUGBHMxALiv-tSd31g4Cc_PmmIyqLSFjyfTf7CG5K9jkUXTnZZccxO0tDABlyihBMJgtbUngcLwBvm5EUBqVD76_LTe1OGQyN4QAhvjoboYQxq7nEEgvUEs/s1600/The_Zyzz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqkeiDXajkyStkLqVa2TMVPHUGBHMxALiv-tSd31g4Cc_PmmIyqLSFjyfTf7CG5K9jkUXTnZZccxO0tDABlyihBMJgtbUngcLwBvm5EUBqVD76_LTe1OGQyN4QAhvjoboYQxq7nEEgvUEs/s320/The_Zyzz.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Pictured: The Zyzz<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Clearly, the guy knows what he’s talking
about (<em>though, he did also advocate never doing cardio, and we all know </em></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aziz_Shavershian#Death"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">how that worked out for him</span></em></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">). Not only this – but you can clearly see from the quote, he specifically
says that deadlifting <strong>HEAVY</strong> is the way to go. So, none of this 12 reps for 5
sets crap you do on the leg press or tricep pushdowns – we’re talking about
heavy as shit, and very few reps.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2pzab6KHDLPzw5C0dIbakDPOUysfZ_m313SRgSiRH2Wq9Rpx4bpzch-sDnhWGV2jXpcHO1fuuUnKGEfR8efs69NDOXLsEBO42CMgMPH9qmsnq6z-EHCPKj_ZTLs5kIKiizYaxfNFvEVvz/s1600/200kg_deadlift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2pzab6KHDLPzw5C0dIbakDPOUysfZ_m313SRgSiRH2Wq9Rpx4bpzch-sDnhWGV2jXpcHO1fuuUnKGEfR8efs69NDOXLsEBO42CMgMPH9qmsnq6z-EHCPKj_ZTLs5kIKiizYaxfNFvEVvz/s320/200kg_deadlift.jpg" width="244" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><em>Pictured - me Deadlifting 200kg without even bothering to change into my lifting gear (note the crotch bulge)</em></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Obviously, you need to throw in warm-up sets
with that – you don’t just instantly go heavy, but here are some ideas for
routines:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"><strong>THE 5x5</strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiSYerOCQIamOMS0YxGZ96lYUx57DoJ0aR4K7AM6yHxFx9xix_dM_q1D4jOwhkZa3mIrz0FIL5nOZdrEHsGnBcJ5L8_McnihaMhMzrsgibTIr8HnmAJ8Bt23B1r_ADkQarCjzumtPKePPb/s1600/Shoulda_done_SS_faggot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiSYerOCQIamOMS0YxGZ96lYUx57DoJ0aR4K7AM6yHxFx9xix_dM_q1D4jOwhkZa3mIrz0FIL5nOZdrEHsGnBcJ5L8_McnihaMhMzrsgibTIr8HnmAJ8Bt23B1r_ADkQarCjzumtPKePPb/s320/Shoulda_done_SS_faggot.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Drawing heavily on programs like SS or SL,
this is the simplest routine for deadlifting, and great for beginners. Warm-up
with whatever weight you’re comfortable with. Say you feel you can Deadlift 120kg
for 5 sets of 5, or thereabouts. Warm up with a set of 10-15 at 60kg, maybe
another at 80kg, and then maybe drop to a set of 8-10 at 100kg, before
progressing on to your 5x5. This mini-pyramid will prepare your muscles for the
lift by warming them up correctly, and will also allow you to get used to the
weights before you take your max. Alternatively, if you enjoy this build-up to
your max, you could always try:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">PYRAMID SETS<o:p></o:p></span></strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Say you Deadlift 180kg as a 1RM, this routine
might work nicely for you:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 x 20 @ 60kg<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 x 15 @ 80kg</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 x 12 @ 100kg</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 x 8 @ 120kg</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 x 6 @ 140kg</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">3 x 3 @ 160kg</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This would be your build-up to your max set, you could then
drop it down and work on lower weights for more repetitions again, essentially
working your way back down the pyramid. Or, you could max out, and then go on
to do your assistance exercises, such as Overhand Dead-hang chins, lateral raises,
hyperextensions, and so on.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">SINGLES</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is my personal favourite – and the routine I am on
currently. The philosophy is that you pull single reps up as fast as you can,
and keep good form throughout. So, for example, you do 2 warm-up sets of 10 at
60 and 80kg, then put on 100kg and do just one rep, pulling as hard and as fast
as you can. You then put on 110kg, and do the same, and increase it by a 10kg
increment each set until you reach your max, at say 200kg. If you do this
routine twice in a week, try and alternate the way you’re pulling. So, for
example, add 10kg a session 1 day a week, and aim to finish on a PR (perhaps
adding 12.5kg to your final weight, just to improve on your previous best), and
the other session go up in 5kg increments, and finish at a lower weight. So,
for example, you may deadlift with 10kg increments on Sunday and finish at
200kg, but on Thursday go up in 5kg increments and max out at 185kg. This will
not get your back as pumped as doing a routine with high repetitions, but it
will certainly make you stronger – and this will allow you to load more weight
on your assistance exercises to give you more of a pump. It also massively
decreases your likelihood of injury, because you are only doing one rep, so
will not strain yourself trying to go beyond your max. I would recommend using
an overhand grip with no straps for as long as possible as well, in order to
help build your forearms at the same time. Say, use an overhand grip to
170/175, then switch to an over-under grip or put straps on for the last few (if
you have a strong grip, stay overhand the whole way).</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">FORM</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another way to hit your back harder is to essentially have
poor form on the deadlift. This may seem like a ridiculous suggestion, but it
actually works. By poor form, I don’t mean hitching the bar up, bending your
arms trying to yank it as it gets above your knees – I mean starting with your
chest and arse more or less in a line, and then locking out your legs quickly,
so you are essentially doing a stiff legged deadlift. Alternatively, you could
of course just do stiff-legged deadlifts after you’ve finished doing your
conventional ones to avoid looking like this retard:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But it all depends on how much time you have to spare. The main point I will bring up for deadlifting form is that you should rest the bar on the floor for at least a second between reps to avoid "bouncing". bouncing reps isn't going to help your strength, and will just lead to you injuring yourself. Obviously, if you intend to follow the singles routine, you can ignore this, but for any other routine - make sure the bar has stopped on the floor before you start to lift again, and make sure you lock out fully at the top!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So that’s the main part of the back done. But, of course,
you’ve all noticed by now what’s really impressive about Hardy’s physique:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghCFgGaqthDbHlGcYA25b3-z-y94eCAoCqqcv3r3Fi1RlHrt8FIL6nc_dIC8GE9J-TQ3UEknDWQ9IijzLCZNgqo__V2PHth2sY6Wa-ljScS_wRVMojIC-_d6Z2cZBTDYrBtcT14wLzngd5/s1600/Tom_hardy_warrior.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghCFgGaqthDbHlGcYA25b3-z-y94eCAoCqqcv3r3Fi1RlHrt8FIL6nc_dIC8GE9J-TQ3UEknDWQ9IijzLCZNgqo__V2PHth2sY6Wa-ljScS_wRVMojIC-_d6Z2cZBTDYrBtcT14wLzngd5/s320/Tom_hardy_warrior.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">His traps. There are many ways to work the traps, from
shrugs to standing on the calf press machine and pushing it up with your traps
rather than your calves, to even buying one of these:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAxJweWUiL5oA9L_0RBuzWIAkVrFod2nW_JJyLxD50Z4z3qLoLBMhDPTyFqPtiSbEWrzCClklbWwdRmI5LTyTdVh-FxbUBQsPOTw_IbXFaJPW9kFeoy2xTzJJn4QoeGYJylUThQFiMjQQb/s1600/no_agony_no_bragony_amiright.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAxJweWUiL5oA9L_0RBuzWIAkVrFod2nW_JJyLxD50Z4z3qLoLBMhDPTyFqPtiSbEWrzCClklbWwdRmI5LTyTdVh-FxbUBQsPOTw_IbXFaJPW9kFeoy2xTzJJn4QoeGYJylUThQFiMjQQb/s1600/no_agony_no_bragony_amiright.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't search for Head Harness on Google images with Safe Search off if you're at work - you get 19 BDSM / Gimp mask images, and this guy.</span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But remember, deadlifting will help improve them, so only do
these exercises as assistance after your deadlifts. There is fuck all point in
completely exhausting your traps every day of the week, and then deadlifting
like shit. Whilst John Broz advocates squatting every single day to see the
best gains, bear in mind that this is a guy who has trained for years and is on
the juice – for a beginner, training every day is just pointless, in the same
way that a 5-day split will essentially be pointless, because compound exercises
will work better for you. Throw in a Squat session after one of your deadlift
days, and a bench session after the other, and take the rest of the week off,
and you’ll be riding high, my friends. Pick suitable assistance for each: Dips
and Overhead press on Bench days, for example, and just do what works best.</span></div>
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<br /> </span><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">As long as it isn't Dat Dere Frog Tech...</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, remember that diet is key – don’t just eat shit constantly,
try and get the right amount of protein and calories in your diet. I’m guessing
most of the people interested in following this will be bulking, so remember to
eat a surplus of calories, with a high quantity of good protein. Chicken
Breasts and Whey are awesome, but you can eat KFC as long as you factor it into
your meal plan properly. There is some suggestion you should eat lots of small
meals rather than a few big ones to help your metabolism, but as far as I know
this may just be bro science. It probably is worth doing just so you never feel
hungry and binge on crap, but whether it has any decent effects other than
that, who can say?</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdv2_lWV7BGR6Clk8D_OCXY2ERdmo_imtaDJAE-fnWyoAdYjz34lY9ezihUs4X9FKSZyPZK6pF6tcGx3oX-dy8L8V88G7mnloOEKPtcqHNk2T5MPlHC_QJBr_TJFs0OTKYkcyDAYE86fzj/s1600/batman-broscience.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdv2_lWV7BGR6Clk8D_OCXY2ERdmo_imtaDJAE-fnWyoAdYjz34lY9ezihUs4X9FKSZyPZK6pF6tcGx3oX-dy8L8V88G7mnloOEKPtcqHNk2T5MPlHC_QJBr_TJFs0OTKYkcyDAYE86fzj/s320/batman-broscience.jpg" width="202" /></span></a></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Picture </span></em><a href="http://www.leangains.com/2010/10/top-ten-fasting-myths-debunked.html"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">stolen</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> unashamedly from </span></em><a href="http://leangains.com/"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">leangains.com</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> - check them out for some decent workout advice.</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you follow this advice, you’ll be breaking Batman’s back
sooner than you think. But just remember one thing: Tom Hardy has one further
training aid to help him put on that kind of muscle:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Except his will say 400mg/ml on it.</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s right. Now, I know what you’re thinking – Hollywood stars
aren’t allowed to take roids, because the insurance wouldn’t cover it if they
died from steroid related problems. But the truth is, that only extends to
steroids such as Trenbolone , which are not approved for human use.
Testosterone, on the other hand, is taken by almost every star wishing to bulk
up, as is anavar, anadrole, and probably Deca and various other steroids. Don’t
believe Hardy’s on the Juice – take a look at these roid pimples on his back
and think again:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53Y-9yYvc0IuenMXDQWYnNwrVO5So2I5SLKU1nawwRaVP0LrBRBghQGNyB37mmrkcWRczcfeIQFViiZ2VQNUlIfaoHzZhX8SV4dfL9KZOZtFD4P-SoBFNPPA3UVRtvxNta-s3zdTydWYY/s1600/Roid_pimples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53Y-9yYvc0IuenMXDQWYnNwrVO5So2I5SLKU1nawwRaVP0LrBRBghQGNyB37mmrkcWRczcfeIQFViiZ2VQNUlIfaoHzZhX8SV4dfL9KZOZtFD4P-SoBFNPPA3UVRtvxNta-s3zdTydWYY/s320/Roid_pimples.jpg" width="213" /></span></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7vVDcVbggCmFTHSbxGrQCk152wtgbYtt_AmMyH47aFtIkAAxOg5YfAe9vCtTLxSsIg3vIvekeKmlwhaamxsIowmII1p6rQ4D0Rs6tkoOlkNifWbDAdxwKhD7fDozvgQdDTGh7NTAnsq99/s1600/roided_as_fuck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7vVDcVbggCmFTHSbxGrQCk152wtgbYtt_AmMyH47aFtIkAAxOg5YfAe9vCtTLxSsIg3vIvekeKmlwhaamxsIowmII1p6rQ4D0Rs6tkoOlkNifWbDAdxwKhD7fDozvgQdDTGh7NTAnsq99/s400/roided_as_fuck.jpg" width="400" /></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Think Bale isn’t on the juice? Even factoring in muscle
memory, it’s impossible to go from 115lbs to 190 in 6 months without a little
assistance. Now, I don’t hold this against any of them – they’re actors, they
do what they need to for the parts they play. But just remember, no matter how
good your routine is, it’s gonna take you a hell of a lot longer to get into
that kind of shape without the assistance these guys get.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLrAcBBOVK45sQtIrfr8WHUlWsIo347EjLF1wIXNyLe1qB-eugSYsHtwaPcQfUmZAUnFl0bijQrnBon6eVqh_B2Nxcm2vY1iXeO_S-X2c_8Ar64vqZNKEnV9giu5OucrptIxkM5Ns3OCVC/s1600/6_months_progress_pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLrAcBBOVK45sQtIrfr8WHUlWsIo347EjLF1wIXNyLe1qB-eugSYsHtwaPcQfUmZAUnFl0bijQrnBon6eVqh_B2Nxcm2vY1iXeO_S-X2c_8Ar64vqZNKEnV9giu5OucrptIxkM5Ns3OCVC/s320/6_months_progress_pic.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Imma look like Wesley Snipes in no time!</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, now you’re all feeling pretty down, I thought I’d cheer
you up with some awesome Bodyweight exercises, as used by Hardy to bulk up for
Bronson. Enjoy:</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YOWoES2xQLw" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Just watch your rotator cuffs doing those rolling press-ups, ok? I haven't been able to bench press for about 6 weeks, and only managed my first OHP session since injuring it a few days ago.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Voice</span></strong><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope this has been of some help. For more advice, Check out leangains (link above) or maybe even drop in on </span><a href="http://boards.4chan.org/fit/res/4820056"><span style="font-family: inherit;">>>>/fit/</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and check out the sticky. I leave the next step to you.</span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">P.S. - Fuck Blogger's new layout - this page looks like shit and it took me 3 times longer to make than it should have. I hate when sites try and "improve" things. If it ain't broke, don't fucking fix it! And certainly don't fucking ruin it! This site may be moving as a result - stay tuned for further info...</span></em>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-54878396916917020102011-11-30T03:23:00.001+00:002011-11-30T03:44:12.712+00:00The Truth About Batman: The Dark Knight Rises<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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So, everyone seems to be looking forward to the release of 'Batman: The Dark Knight Rises' next year. After the awesomeness of Inception, and the fact that Tom Hardy will be playing Bane, I can hardly blame them. However, as of now, The Dark Knight Rises is officially old news. Why, you ask? Because whilst on IMDB just moments ago, I came across this:
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That's right - before Nolan's Batman trilogy has even finished, there are already plans for a remake in the works. Hell, they already have a writer on board and everything.</div>
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The fuck? I mean, I know Batman's a popular character and everything, and I know that reboots are the "in" thing at the moment, what with a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0948470/">Spiderman reboot </a>and another <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/">Superman Reboot </a>on the way (by the same writer as the Batman reboot, incidentally), but Jesus - you could at least wait for Nolan's last Batman film to be released before you decide you need to reboot the franchise...</div>
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No word yet on who will be directing, or who will star in the new Batman, or even which villains it will include - but to be honest, the whole idea seems pretty insane to me. I mean, come on, Batman Begins wasn't that long ago - how frequently are we gonna reboot these franchises?
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<i>Batman will have officially seen more reboots than "The Punisher" by 2015. That is, unless there's another Punisher film in the works as well...</i>
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<b>Voice</b>
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Coming soon: Tom Hardy's training routine for The Dark Knight Rises - stay tuned.</div>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-37340738495733113522011-11-12T19:16:00.005+00:002011-11-30T03:44:14.201+00:00Nirvana for Christmas #1 Campaign<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtgcbkJZ75DMtXWha3B6RStMjciZw-Aua1q6rD9B1OhNzh0YdcPIU4b3OzUM_bcCD9i9_iLHMY8X0BZdX2cwb991t3h-K89M_p7on4wBfQVmUwe9qAdBKBZM-SJdSvyp5B6SWFYXYnZ2oA/s1600/cup_of_rage.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 306px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtgcbkJZ75DMtXWha3B6RStMjciZw-Aua1q6rD9B1OhNzh0YdcPIU4b3OzUM_bcCD9i9_iLHMY8X0BZdX2cwb991t3h-K89M_p7on4wBfQVmUwe9qAdBKBZM-SJdSvyp5B6SWFYXYnZ2oA/s400/cup_of_rage.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674190695932604066" /></a><br /><br /><br />My Brother works for William Hill, the betting company, and informs me that they're giving out even odds on Nirvana securing the #1 spot this Christmas, thanks to a facebook campaign to see them take the spot over Justin Bieber, and this year's X-Factor winner. In response, I just feel there is one question I should probably ask...<br /><br /><br /><strong>DO ANY OF YOU RETARDS EVEN FUCKING LIKE NIRVANA?</strong><br /><br /><br />It's an honest question - Nirvana was never about becoming popular, or making money, and they sure as hell wouldn't be proud to make it to the Christmas #1 spot. In fact, this campaign seems to stand for everything the band despised. And just to top it all off, you know which song the campaign is calling for people to buy?<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP1bRT6MemeRLgBH0dH8yGTB_PFfuJWCjegoiowcj1rD0bt6KGhA4DDGds8Tc5a43Jb4UTw2QCvX2h2fXYJcIlieafIwqmbXvI1yEyt5oxAYLzHwzYNVrQr29g-qPanTGcjNC4cb5C8JSE/s1600/nirvana.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 363px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP1bRT6MemeRLgBH0dH8yGTB_PFfuJWCjegoiowcj1rD0bt6KGhA4DDGds8Tc5a43Jb4UTw2QCvX2h2fXYJcIlieafIwqmbXvI1yEyt5oxAYLzHwzYNVrQr29g-qPanTGcjNC4cb5C8JSE/s400/nirvana.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674192044956559650" /></a><br /><br /><br />That's right, Smells Like Teen Spirit. If you're a regular, you'll recall my <a href="http://voicefromthepillowreviews.blogspot.com/2010/02/smells-like-teen-spirit-text.html">rantings</a> against the song back in February last year. If you're not a regular, allow me to recant a couple of facts that every casual nirvana fan knows:<br /><br /><br />Nirvana's first album, Bleach, was not overly successful. For Nevermind, they decided to go in a slightly different direction, with a proper producer and decent mixing. Smells Like Teen Spirit itself was written as Kurt's version of a Pixie's song, with strong overtones of Boston's "More Than a Feeling" thrown in to boot. Kurt wrote it as a popular song - essentially, he wrote the song as a joke, to reflect on the direction the new album was taking. Smells Like Teen Spirit was an example of the extreme he was worried they were being pushed towards with their new sound and rising popularity, and wrote the song, in essence, as an act of rebellion. In effect, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' was for 'Nevermind' what 'The Real Slim Shady' was for 'The Marshal Mathers LP'. It was an overly pop-sounding and catchy track, designed to make fun of the genre, and the group's steady path towards it. Nirvana was a raw grunge band, and found themselves falling into the mainstream world of pop music, so fought back with a parody of what they thought of pop. Cobain is known to have despised being made to play the song at live shows, because he hated the fact that Nirvana was being remembered as 'The Band who made that catchy track, Smells Like Teen Spirit'. Though, presumably not as much as David Bowie hated having kids come up to him and say how much they loved the fact he did a cover of a Nirvana song...<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-6kmeW5WB71_YB_E07sOHYGmnaVUo5JPQr6gZ3UBS970wb9ud3aZU0gUWi9lX3p-kNx90RWnQxWECpaqYuKF7edRVqE9PuNLu78Qg5mmR7LPvMfOqLw2iemCLVAyci_Iau88rfuQDyxo/s1600/Bowie_man_who_sold_the_world.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 395px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-6kmeW5WB71_YB_E07sOHYGmnaVUo5JPQr6gZ3UBS970wb9ud3aZU0gUWi9lX3p-kNx90RWnQxWECpaqYuKF7edRVqE9PuNLu78Qg5mmR7LPvMfOqLw2iemCLVAyci_Iau88rfuQDyxo/s400/Bowie_man_who_sold_the_world.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674196771483177346" /></a><br /><em>Pictured: The Exact look Bowie gave to anyone who said this. Don't even ask what happened to the people who complimented Dylan on his cover of a Guns 'N' Roses song...</em><br /><br /><br />So, essentially, encouraging people to buy 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' this Christmas is the biggest "Fuck You" we could give to Kurt Cobain's corpse, short of Courtney Love making a movie of his life with Rob Schneider in the lead role...<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEm7Z72_rNqAp_fL8oLkTRBLNGmT2tNPJWFr36Y-DYEzT4RHYEPwHUTAsDqTPGA4tIT-nOo70QYdMqpe7iwLbjLngpD7nRraBJEOmKA6ZfPPLTEU0IOs4lc0azAcBlRbgw50-N81tbZCNq/s1600/rob-schneider-1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 397px; height: 361px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEm7Z72_rNqAp_fL8oLkTRBLNGmT2tNPJWFr36Y-DYEzT4RHYEPwHUTAsDqTPGA4tIT-nOo70QYdMqpe7iwLbjLngpD7nRraBJEOmKA6ZfPPLTEU0IOs4lc0azAcBlRbgw50-N81tbZCNq/s400/rob-schneider-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674197779097647266" /></a><br /><em>Rape Me, my friend...</em><br /><br /><br />Nirvana is not the type of band who would want a number 1, nor were they the type of group who would want to win some stupid race like this. But even if they were, they sure as shit wouldn't want 'Smells Like teen Spirit' to be the song everyone bought. Now, I have no idea what Dave Grohl's opinion on the song was, but i know that both Cobain and Novoselic hated it. Why not pick a Nirvana song the group were actually proud of? My vote would be on 'Heart-Shaped Box', but since it's not an overly catchy song, why not 'Come As You Are'? or 'Lithium'? All famous, instantly recognisable songs, but also songs the band actually liked and were proud of. And why stop at Nirvana? Since the band wouldn't have wanted to make it Christmas #1 anyway, why not buy another track from and early 90s grunge band? Hell, why not:<br /><br /><br /><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZLUj-jh_UyQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br /><br /><br />Better yet, why even pick a grunge band? Why not pick a song from an era where getting to the top of the charts wasn't considered a bad thing? Why shit in the faces of great musicians, when others would consider seeing their song reach #1 a great triumph? You know what I think we need to all need to buy to try and get to Christmas #1 this year?<br /><br /><br /><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YtOEZl5MLU8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><em>See, it's funny because Kris Novoselic is Croatian...</em><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><em>Whilst we're on the subject, just a slight redaction I wish to make. upon viewing A Serbian Film for a second time, i realize that, what I had thought was meant to be a twist, and believed to be overly-predictable, was in fact always supposed to be obvious, and was not predictable, but inevitable. I had gone into A Serbian Film expecting a Horror Film along the lines of Saw, and so picked up on the similarities without judging the film on its own merrit. For this, I apologize. The movie is actually better than I gave it credit for, and now I'm worried I'll have to rewatch buffy the Vampire Slayer in case that's actually decent in some way I hadn't noticed before.<br /><br /><br />Actually, fuck that. that movie was shit.</em>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-16164186617744336462011-10-27T02:57:00.002+01:002011-11-12T20:10:45.006+00:00Occupy Wall Street (from the perspective of a man whose never been to "climate camp" and doesn't eat organic beans)<br /><br /><em>So, I've been gone a long time, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm really coming back. I've been working my arse off the past few months, doing shifts any hours of the day (and night), hitting up to 75 hour weeks on occassion. But now I find myself unemployed once again, so may well restart the site if I can be bothered, and if I feel I can take the time off my Masters.</em><br /><br /><br />What I wanted to discuss today is the Occupy Wall Street protests, which have been a big news item for the past few weeks. With /pol/ (back? it's not really /new/) in existence, I've been able to see what others have been saying about OWS with a bit more ease over the last few days, and have also caught up on all the anti-Jewish ravings that get posted constantly on that board.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqjYJHRtmZnBstxPRa3J3yeLqERr0REB05YbqQJhI9j09z9VujEbyxQjBY9kFGWPJH_xsh8a5ZZE24ANc-ao-RIHkyNCJmnfuKZOrAY6nb8tnpj1z6DPJ67n2cG28UZtiRRgIIaxXqN_A/s1600/serious_business.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 363px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqjYJHRtmZnBstxPRa3J3yeLqERr0REB05YbqQJhI9j09z9VujEbyxQjBY9kFGWPJH_xsh8a5ZZE24ANc-ao-RIHkyNCJmnfuKZOrAY6nb8tnpj1z6DPJ67n2cG28UZtiRRgIIaxXqN_A/s400/serious_business.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667982661919944066" /></a><br /><em>Despite the fact that 4chan was founded by a Jew, and is run by the team depicted here, who are roughly 50% Jewish, and 16.7% Arabic.</em><br /><br /><br /><br />I've mostly been lurking (as you all know, I'm a /fit/izen at heart, so most of my posting is focused there), and leaving the occasional comment when I thought it was appropriate (for example, when I thought I might get quads). This evening, however, someone posted a link which would have forced me to lose badly had I been in a "you rage you lose" thread. I've only skim-read the linked article, but felt compelled to comment on it - and not just somewhere that deletes posts every few hours.<br /><br /><br />Here's a link to the article. Have a read for yourselves: <a href="http://feministing.com/2011/10/04/guest-post-my-hope-for-occupy-wall-street/">http://feministing.com/2011/10/04/guest-post-my-hope-for-occupy-wall-street/</a><br /><br /><br />Now, as I've said, I haven't read the article in detail myself, because I was so busy raging hard at a couple of the statements made near the beginning of the post. The exact text I want to comment on, is the following two paragraphs:<br /><br /><br /><em><blockquote>Occupy Wall Street’s General Assembly operates under a revolutionary “progressive stack.” A normal “stack” means those who wish to speak get in line. A progressive stack encourages women and traditionally marginalized groups speak before men, especially white men. This is something that has been in place since the beginning, it is necessary, and it is important.<br /> <br />“Step up, step back” was a common phrase of the first week, encouraging white men to acknowledge the privilege they have lived in their entire lives and to step back from continually speaking.</blockquote></em><br /><br /><br />Now, whilst I could easy write an essay on the ways in which men are oppressed more than women in modern society here, I won't. Not because I don't want to, but because I have a far more important point to make.<br /><br /><br />So far, the OWS protests have been entirely about protesting "the 1%". The greedy upper-classes, who use capitalism to oppress the vast majority of the populace. We have seen prices skyrocket, with no noticable increase in wages for the average working individual, whilst huge corporations are turning record profits. Not only this, but these same companies are then refusing to pay even the small taxes the world's Governments impose upon them, with apparently no remedy available for the people who need that money to come back into the system - to pay for healthcare and education. It is a sorry state of affairs, and certainly worth protesting against. However, I can see these protests breaking down because of things like the "progressive stack". And here's why:<br /><br /><br />These tactics are making it so the protests are no longer about class - they are dragging in other issues. It seems a lot of people find this hard to believe, but much of the populace does not identify itself as being only "liberal" or "conservative", "republican" or "democrat". <br /><br />For many people, there are instances where they believe a liberal standpoint is more appropriate, and others where a conservative stance is better. For example - yesterday it was announced that the Government was planning to increase sentences for teenagers caught in possession of knives, and my thoughts were "about fucking time". And yet, I am in favour of increasing the taxes on the rich, and the better-off. In favour of increasing the minimum wage, and benefits, and bursaries for small businesses. I am strongly in favour of all the social policies the "99%" are fighting for - I'm happy to see the earnings disparity in our society greatly decreased. In short, I am massivley in favour of socialism as far as the economy goes. And yet, it seems a lot of people are unable to grasp the concept that an individual could be very left-leaning on Economic strategy, but very right-leaning on crime. And that's a problem.<br /><br /><br />People like me will inevitably be alienated when what should be an economic protest turns into a "pro-liberalism"/"pro-democrat" protest. By bringing in issues like feminism and race, these people are going to be losing support for the cause they are actually fighting. I sit here a disadvantaged male in a world which seems to want to fuck me any way it can, and I am strongly opposed to the idea of women being given any more privilege over men than they already have. In my last year of university, I was living with 2 black guys, and my 2 best friends were both Chinese. Clearly, I am not a racist (well, against blacks or Cantonese people at least - I can't prove I don't hate Spics with a burning passion...) - and yet the idea of telling white men who may have very valid points that they should not express those because other races need to have their say first seems ridiculous to me.<br /><br /><br />Imagine it from the other side, if you're a liberal. Imagine a campaign from the right where they're arguing about an issue that affects you too, and that you might be considering joining. Now imagine that, along with this issue, they're also arguing that abortion be made illegal, and that automatic weapons should be legalized for self-defence. Suddenly, you don't want to join their protest, because you don't want to back those two other points, and feel that by joining the people protesting the main objective, you would be getting lumped in with those supporting the other two. They have just successfully alienated you. And it's the same here - you are alienating economic socialists who feel that men are oppressed in our society. You are becoming the stereotypical liberal campaigners. Feminism, Climate Change, Organic Beans - bringing these things into your protest will inevitably harm it. Because it makes you into a stereotype. Something the media, or the right, can point at and laugh. It doesn't matter if it's rational or not - that's just the way the world is.<br /><br /><br />Just think of how you see the Tea Party, and realize that if you press all of your issues as hard as they press theirs, you look to non-liberals as the Tea Party look to non-Republicans: ridiculous. This is a legitimate campaign, and worth fighting for - why sink it by adding issues that supporters won't relate to? If you're campaigning against military intervention in the middle East, why bring gay rights into it as well? What would you say to someone who was arguing something you were in favour of, but was also shouting that paedophiles need to be castrated? Or all the immigrants deported? You'd tell them to fuck right off with their protest - so why can you not see that pushing feminism and affirmative action into an economic debate will not help one bit?<br /><br /><br />I really hope people take my advice, and just argue one issue at a time, so we can actually get enough support going for this movement to change something. But I highly doubt it. Which is a shame, because I can see exactly where this protest is headed if it becomes a simple matter of "Left vs Right" over "Wrong vs Right".<br /><br /><br /><br />Right down the fucking shitter...<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />P.S. Check my Sextets, bitches.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9N0SPNWoQNwf7-usxh_66GtPhI5evXz92WzwGqG2UxIiQywTmoMalJkt92otwY5iI-JeNhMgjf7FrUSRAzawvjh1PhvbVQjaeDrTzAVtcwnZ1pF7YmoyJ_NKAfl5GG2vNZnmAjn3cLLYe/s1600/Grand_master_flash.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 268px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9N0SPNWoQNwf7-usxh_66GtPhI5evXz92WzwGqG2UxIiQywTmoMalJkt92otwY5iI-JeNhMgjf7FrUSRAzawvjh1PhvbVQjaeDrTzAVtcwnZ1pF7YmoyJ_NKAfl5GG2vNZnmAjn3cLLYe/s400/Grand_master_flash.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667984231936594226" /></a>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-29965535500706189332011-05-09T00:18:00.005+01:002011-05-10T01:30:27.143+01:00A Serbian Film Review<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivPnRSVXGlJx3bRhGQrO-oUSxg9l_pFs95b95h7SUFkN4MhXGqiM8IJRORiHPUiMXVlPFf6rfkW7ZC8JLlX-PCwJwMOS-x0hUwJjo5N1ru066snNQY-MNJlBhvNfseUe4GO-t4RZ0zhkLM/s1600/a-serbian-film.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 284px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivPnRSVXGlJx3bRhGQrO-oUSxg9l_pFs95b95h7SUFkN4MhXGqiM8IJRORiHPUiMXVlPFf6rfkW7ZC8JLlX-PCwJwMOS-x0hUwJjo5N1ru066snNQY-MNJlBhvNfseUe4GO-t4RZ0zhkLM/s400/a-serbian-film.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604508077284688130" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />There has been quite a bit of controversy over Srdjan Spasojevic's debut movie, Srpski Film (a.k.a "A Serbian Film"), with people lining up on either side of that age-old wall: One side say it's sick and should be banned, whilst the other side say it's art, and has value, or at least that the creators should be free to show their vision to the world without being censored by governments.<br /><br />I suppose both sides have a point, really - I remember hearing about Antichrist soon after watching Ted Bundy's final interview and thinking "wow, this is exactly the sort of film Bundy was talking about when describing what turned him into a serial killer - maybe it should be banned". But, at the same time, I only got the see the uncut version of "The Matrix" for the very first time a couple of weeks ago, because despite the fact I watched it on video when it first came out, and then on DVD after everyone upgraded, the uncut version has never been released in the UK on any format - all because it includes a few extra headbutts, which the Government don't want people seeing, for fear they'll decide it is a perfectly acceptable fighting technique (I notice Fellowship of the Ring still got a 'PG' rating despite containing a headbutt, though...).<br /><br />So, both sides have a point. In the case of A Serbian Film, the pro-censorship lobby are screaming about how depraved and twisted the film is, and ranting about how it should be banned for the good of the world, and how the sickos who watch it should all be imprisoned; whilt the anti-censorship lobby are shouting about how great works of art should not be stifled, and that we don't need a nanny state to protect us, because only we ourselves know what affects us and what doesn't. However, in the course of this heated debate, with both sides attempting to shout the other down, and prove their moral superiority, both sides seem to have missed the real issue here...<br /><br /><br />The Film really isn't all that good.<br /><br /><br />Now, I'm sure you might say that I'm the one missing the point, because the argument about censorship shouldn't be restricted to only "good" films, and should cover even the lowest of the low - but seriously, I felt like I was watching a different film to the one everyone has been talking about. Admittedly I did watch the BBFC 18 release of the film, and not the uncut version, but having been online and looked up exactly what was cut out of the runtime, I feel I can safely say that I know enough to make an informed opinion on this movie, and it is neither art that should not be censored by the fascists in Government, but nor is it a sick and repulsive gore-fest that will cause people to become serial killers. It is nothing more than your standard post-saw shock horror, with a bunch of cocks thrown in to piss off conservatives.<br /><br /><br />Now, I'm not going to sit here and say the film didn't have any redeeming features, but nor am I going to play up its supposed message to make it into something it isn't. This movie isn't a masterpiece exploring what it's really like for Serbians, growing up in a country with no real identity, no real sense of individuality, and being oppressed by those higher-up every day of your lives. Nor is it a critique of Serbia's Government censorship of years passed, a Government which censored even the tamest of vampire stories for fear of what it would do to the public consciousness, yet happily broadcast the heads of its own populace being placed on spikes by Mudjehadeen soldiers fighting in the Yugoslav conflict of the 90s, in order to stir up public anger and hate of Muslims. This film reflects none of these things. How can I be so sure that I didn't just miss the point of the entire story? Because this movie plays exactly the fucking same way as a SAW movie, that's why.<br /><br />Think I'm kidding? Not only does the film have layers of time confusion, skipping ahead of events, then coming back to scenes of gore when the aftermath is stumbled upon later (as with every SAW film), but it also has the same basic plotline as SAWs 3, 4 & 6, with an individual being forced to harm others against his will, just in the hopes he can survive, and it all finally culminates in a big twist reveal.<br /><br />Now, I know what you're thinking - you're thinking I just twisted events in my head and over-simplified things to make it just seem like "SAW 4 - BUT WITH PORN", but the truth is the connection between this film and SAW is just as strong as that shared by 'Avatar' and 'Pochohontas' (or 'The Last Samurai', or 'Dances with Wolves', or any one of a thousand other stories...) - it's not definitely based on the other movie, but God is it reminiscent of it.<br /><br />Hell, even the way the violent scenes are shot is strangely reminiscent of the SAW films, cutting between images on monitors, and jumping into the events, then coming back out again. There aren't the same jump cuts employed by the producers of SAW, but if there were I would swear I had simply accidentally bought a Serbian version of SAW 7 (but with more cocks).<br /><br />The level of violence, too, is almost exactly on a par with the SAW films - in fact, most of it is even less graphic, despite what pro-censorship fanatics are screaming in the papers and on internet message boards. The fact is, aside from the sex, things are fairly tame by most modern horror standards, and the only real concern is that mixing sex and gore makes a different, more dangerous beast entirely. There are maybe 3 murders throughout the course of the whole film which involve anything sexual - every other killing could appear just as easily in the next Bourne film and no-one would bat an eye (except they might be wondering why Bourne was naked whilst shooting the enemy's henchmen). And of those sexual killings, one was almost entirely cut by the BBFC, so does not have any impact on the viewer whatsoever (that would be the killing I mentioned in my discussion on 'The King's Speech'), and one is so comedic I actually have to go into it in more detail in the next paragraph, so just bear with me. In fact, the only real brutal sexual killing which occurs is in a scene where, doped up to the eyeballs on speed, viagra and bull testosterone, our protagonist Milos rapes a woman who is chained to a bed, before hacking off her head with a machete which is handed to him by one of the snuff film's camera men. Violent? Yes - and yet, were you to show him rape her, then decapitate her in a seperate scene, there wouldn't be so much outrage, so why is there so much anger when the two are put together? Not only this, but the story has already start to become so unbelievable at this point that it just washes over you, and you feel no horror at all. In fact, the only moment which really made me wince was when we saw a quick flash in Milos's memory when it appears he cut across his penis with a knife, and we then see him piss blood into the toilet bowl - but it is later revealed that this did not actually happen, and he merely held the knife to his penis, threatening the director he would cut it off if they did not shut the movie down. Even the notorious "Baby rape scene", whilst a horrifically disgusting concept which creates some revolting images in one's mind upon even hearing the suggestion, is poorly shot, with effects so poor you find yourself thinking "shit, they should have got the guy from The Thing in to do this shit (though, that's hardly an insult. If you said "man, they should have gotten the guy who did the CGI on Two Face in The Dark Knight to come and do this" then it would be truly insulting, but you get my drift, right?) - yes, it's a horrible thing to put in a movie, but it's so poorly done your only real reaction is "why put this in the film at all?"<br /><br />In fact, there were two seperate points in the film where I actually laughed at the absurdity of events, because although the movie claims to be a dark and painful look at what it feels like to have all power taken away from you, it is pretty dumb in some places. The first of these is when Milos is watching the camera footage back, and sees one of the guards rape him whilst he was unconscious. Whilst this scene is supposed to show Milos's complete loss of power, and humiliation, it is just plain funny, because Srdjan Todorovic does not appear to react at all to the footage, which means the tone of the scene has to be inferred from the tone of the video itself, which is shot in a highly comedic manner. In fact, Todorovic is so wooden throughout most of this performance, I'm certain they simply threw a chair in the room in a couple of scenes. No, I kid, but seriously, I'm about 99% certain he was only hired for the film because he has an enormous penis, since they make such a point of showing it off every 5 seconds.<br /><br />That's another interesting thing about this film. A lot of the porn films designed for Broadcast or regular store release don't show erect penises, and you generally have to move into the murky recesses of the internet to find anything involving boners and cumshots, and yet somehow a film passing itself off as a serious movie which is in no way supposed to be a porno shows the main character's erect penis almost constantly. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't get any sexual enjoyment out of watching this whatsoever, so from that perspective, one can argue it is not designed to be porn. However, I would argue that it's just because I'm not a sick fuck (despite what certain articles on this Blog may indicate), and that for some people this film probably is sexually arousing, and the gratuitous boner shots help reassure them that it's ok to jerk off to it (because jerking of to Gore without porn would just be weird, right?). If it does indeed turn out that Mr Nice was only rated 18 because we see David Thewlis's limp dong in it, then this film should by all rights be incinerated, because it certainly goes beyond the call of duty on the penis front - hell, I think Peter North would be proud of this film. Ok, enough dongs now, this is starting to sound weird, like I've got some kind of dong fetish and just can't get them off my mind, so I'll just mention one more thing about cocks, and then we're through. Done. Finished. Finito. Massive Dong. Fuck.<br /><br /><br />Anyway, the second scene that really made me laugh at the absurdity of it all was the scene near the end where Milos straight-up murders a dude by shoving his dong in the guy's eye-socket. Yeah, this is clearly high-class art with an important message behind it...<br /><br /><br /><br />Now, I'm not saying that the movie was all bad - the direction seems fairly competent throughout, and the early scenes of the film, coupled with the anticipation of what you know will happen makes the beginning genuinely heart-wrenching. It's just too bad they couldn't keep the pace up throughout the film.<br /><br />You'll notice I said "what you know will happen" - I don't mean that as in "because you've read all about it online already", I mean it as in "because it's so fucking predictable". There's supposed to be this big reveal at the end where Milo finds out what the movie's all about, and finds out who the masked man that killed his friend is - and it's so predictable I swear it could have been the ending to an episode of Lie to Me. But with more dongs. Shit.<br /><br /><br />I once said about the SAW films that the reason they were watchable was not the gore, which only a few freaks really watch them for, but for the evolution of the story, and the anticipation of what the twist at the end which ties everything together will be. Hell, you could say the same thing about Nolan's films (if you're functionally retarded, which since you're taking advice on movies from me, I suspect you probably are) - but this was just sooooo predictable that you didn't even have to think about it for a second. And it's not that all my years of watching Inspector Morse and Lewis have made me into a 1337 Television Detective who can work out any ending from minimal clues - it is just plain boring and predictable.<br /><br /><br />The very, very end twist, too, I found annoying - not because it was predictable, but because it didn't make any sense. It seems to imply that the whole thing was a set-up, and that Milos was destined, from the beginning, to (SPOILER) kill the director then murder his own family and kill himself to escape the horror. To which I have to respond "so... the bad guy was taking masterplanning instructions from the Joker, was he?" - what a retarded plan that would have been if it really was all meant to have been set up. I just can't even go into the levels of stupidity, I'm sorry. I'm too tired to even explain how that was worse than the endings of Memento and The Prestige combined (a lot of Nolan hate tonight for some reason, and I don't really know why, he hasn't done anything to upset me lately, he's just good for making comparisons...)<br /><br /><br />Hell, I would say the only truly redeeming feature this movie has is the incredible score, which is unbelievably fitting throughout the film, and really helps to raise the tension and horror. The direction is fine, the cinematography is great, and the acting is fairly reasonable for the most part - however, a poor script, which seems almost entirely based around a "need to shock", and a very poor ending means this film is disappointing. It's probably worth a watch, just to make up your own mind on all the fuss, and it's not truly attrocious - I don't feel like I wasted hours of my life on it, or even that I wasted the £5.99 I spent on it, but I do feel that it really fails to live up to all the hype surrounding it, and figure you'd probably have a better night if you just watched SAW instead.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Rating<br /><br /><br /><br />**<br /><br /><br />2 Stars</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Not awful, but nothing special. Don't believe the hype, as the N.W.A would say (or was that the DOC?). To be honest, I wish I could give this film a great review, seing as it features quotes from websites on the DVD box to try and sell itself, but to be honest, I just can't. Tune in later, and hopefully I'll find some films I can give the dreaded 1 star rating soon!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Just as a side-note, whoever did the translations on this film was fucking atrocious - like the bit where Vukmir's talking about Milos locking some woman in an oven and making her blow him, or something? Was that something which was meant to have happened, which is why Vukmir was so interested in Milos, or was it some kind of metaphor or parable or some shit, or what? I have no idea - and a couple of times the subtitles were confusing as hell, appearing at the wrong points in conversations, etc.Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-41918003757473291442011-04-21T17:19:00.006+01:002011-04-21T22:31:32.268+01:00Deckard is Not a Replicant. Deal With It.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HDqhKkYmVfXEokrngVg__fbmBoekwDEXJHiqz-SdVGHjIVi9pzwlpMf60XFA7Jpd4TqoMfVhES6um3T4iSqFB3d2JUa_-OI2wFuPyLEUIRTljIYU6_rDLjRXPNcb02YnjKS7KCdwNeRf/s1600/blade_runner_poster.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HDqhKkYmVfXEokrngVg__fbmBoekwDEXJHiqz-SdVGHjIVi9pzwlpMf60XFA7Jpd4TqoMfVhES6um3T4iSqFB3d2JUa_-OI2wFuPyLEUIRTljIYU6_rDLjRXPNcb02YnjKS7KCdwNeRf/s400/blade_runner_poster.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5598152144347916306" /></a><br /><br /><br />Yesterday, a friend and I were seeing if we could name actors who have never died in a movie, and when he suggested Harrison Ford, I was stumped. I couldn't think of a movie Harrison Ford had died in, but was sure he must have. So, we took to the internet, and discovered a thread discussing the exact same thing. Naturally, one of the first posts on there said "Yes, he died in What Lies Beneath" (duh), but this wasn't what caught my eye. Instead, what caught my interest was a later post, stating "He was technically never alive in Blade Runner", obviously referring to the suggestion that Deckard was a replicant.<br /><br />I've heard this suggestion on multiple occasions, and whilst it makes sense that there is a certain degree of ambiguity about Deckard's nature (the film was based on a Philip K. Dick novel, after all), it seems that many people take the idea that Deckard is a replicant as being an absolute truth, as though there is no question about it. And I don't see how they could have come to this conclusion, because looking at the facts:<br /><br />Deckard starts the film apparently retired. He is roped in by the police to hunt down the four escaped replicants who have come to Earth. There is clearly a suggestion that Deckard has been a Blade Runner for quite some time, and has since been in retirement for quite a while as well. Now, the obvious point to make here is that, if Deckard had a limited lifespan, as most replicants do, then he would not have been able to have been working for long enough to become the best, and then go into retirement for a significantly long period for it to be a shock when they bring him back in. But, I know what your response to that will be "Deckard has had false memories implanted, making him believe he was a Blade Runner before, when in fact he only comes into existence around the point where the movie starts, as a specifically designed Blade Runner replicant". Whilst this argument does make sense; after all, we know Rachael had false memories implanted to make her believe she was human, this still ignores the obvious. <br /><br />Firstly, the cops all act as though they know Deckard, and speak to him as though they are old friends, and yet, if he was a replicant, they wouldn't have known him. Not only this, but when they discuss his past, they would have to be familiar with the backstory that had been given to the replicant Deckard in order to make their statements fit in with what Deckard remembered. This means that either the cops would have had to have been told Deckard was a replicant, and told the exact details of the false memories he was given, and told to act as though they knew him, and everything in the memories had really happened to him as well, which is a long shot, or; Deckard is a replicant based on a real Blade Runner named Deckard, whose memories were implanted into the replicant version of him, whose colleagues are unable to distinguish from the original. Now, this argument does make sense, but not in the context of the rest of the film. And here's why:<br /><br />If Deckard's memories of being a Blade Runner prior to the start of the film are fake, that means they were deliberately implanted in his memory. The reason for this is simple: Deckard was designed to hunt other replicants; that is his only purpose. But then, why is he so weak when compared to the other replicants? Think about it; Deckard only kills one of the four escaped replicants without a ridiculous stroke of luck:<br /><br />Leon - had the drop on Deckard, and would have killed him if Rachael hadn't turned up at that exact second.<br /><br />Pris - Could easily have broken Deckard's neck, but chose to release him and taunt him rather than just kill him. Not only this, but Deckart only managed to kill her because he got to his gun - he would have stood no chance hand-to-hand, nor if she had really wanted him dead.<br /><br />Roy - Deckard never killed him. In fact, he had Deckard in a position where he could have killed him with ease, but saved his life instead, before succumbing to the built-in defect designed to keep replicants in check.<br /><br /><br />In fact, the only replicant that Decker manages to kill by himself without them allowing him to do so is the stripper who he shoots as she tries to evade capture. And even she manages to knock him flying, and get quite a way; and she isn't even designed as a combat replicant - she was designed as an advanced sex toy for off-world soldiers.<br /><br /><br />So, if Deckard is the most advanced replicant in the world, and was made specifically for the purpose of hunting down and retiring other replicants - why the hell wouldn't he be as strong as even the weakest of the replicants he is hunting? Sure, they wanted to make him appear as human as possible, so that even he would think he was human - but why make him so much weaker than those he is hunting? If Deckard is a replicant, he has to have been designed to be a Bladerunner; there's no other explaination for his memories (without him being human). So why the hell isn't he strong enough to take on the replicants he is hunting? As I said, every one of the replicants in the film is more powerful than him, and he only seems to beat them by chance, so if he is supposed to be a replicant, that is some awful scripting. Besides, what evidence is there that he even is a replicant?<br /><br />There is the theory that Rutger Hauer saves Deckard at the end because he is a replicant, but this is utter crap. As evidenced by Hauer's last statements before death. Roy Batty tells Deckard of all the wonderful things he has seen, which will die with him when he goes. There are only two reasons for this. Either: <br /><br />(1) he saves Deckard simply because he wants to be remembered; he can't believe that when he dies, all the incredible things he has witnessed will die with him, and no-one else will understand the things he saw. But by saving Deckard, he saves his own existence in Deckard's memory, and therefore his experiences live on that little bit longer.<br /><br /><br />(2) he wants to teach Deckard the value of his own long lifespan. Deckard is a tormented Alcoholic with nothing to live for, and yet when it comes to his final moments, hanging from the edge of a building, he still wants to live. When Roy tells him of all the beauty he has seen in his short life span, he is showing Deckard what he can do with his far longer, human, lifespan, and is trying to teach him to value that which he takes for granted, but which Roy would kill for.<br /><br /><br />And Guess what? Both these theories kind of revolve around Deckard NOT being a replicant.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I know both these theories are strongly contended, but it really is that simple, guys. Deckard isn't a replicant, Batty doesn't save him because he is a replicant - he's just a regular guy, saved by a replicant who doesn't want to leave this Earth without at least leaving some impact upon it.<br /><br /><br />Now, of course, I haven't seen the original version of the film; I've only seen the Director's Cut, and the "Final Cut" of the film. Yet, I think the evidence shows that Deckard has to be human. Yes, there is supposed to be a small element of ambiguity, but on the balance of probabilities, Deckard has to be human; either that or the writer was too dumb to notice the massive plotholes he had created and the film is actually nowhere near as good as I give it credit for being. Either way, as far as I'm concerned, the suggestion that "Harrison Ford wasn't technically alive in Blade Runner", is utter Bullshit.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-32398586781450007912011-04-18T01:14:00.007+01:002011-04-19T00:05:44.519+01:00The Superior Wiki is Dead. Long Live the Superior Wiki!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjws0Hzbkz8sSx5zRr_Ay0XtP-GbYYZZL-XzfUG09BEdq_EzgHko5IEJtDc6E0Xv-JKoERtDZFki2WVVDx_DhDh1Ch_Rzx3l9JiM_aO0tGyHAUIkAs0-MLobIHZWucYZs9jaY8aC9rmO586/s1600/encyclopedia_dramatica_motifake_poster.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 375px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjws0Hzbkz8sSx5zRr_Ay0XtP-GbYYZZL-XzfUG09BEdq_EzgHko5IEJtDc6E0Xv-JKoERtDZFki2WVVDx_DhDh1Ch_Rzx3l9JiM_aO0tGyHAUIkAs0-MLobIHZWucYZs9jaY8aC9rmO586/s400/encyclopedia_dramatica_motifake_poster.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596737324149615090" /></a><br /><em>Hmmm... A bit rich coming from "Motifake", don't you think???</em><br /><br /><br /><br />Last week, millions of internet users mourned the passing of possibly the greatest site of our time, Encyclopedia Dramatica. Whilst Oldfags fill /b/ with stories of how ED never existed, and was simply a prank played on Newfags to make them believe that every significant story and meme to come out of 4Chan and other such sites could be found in one place, those of us who were familiar with the site found ourselves being linked to their new page, "Oh, Internet", and said but one thing:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCVnVOx57xHc7Kx2lgUzyu5OU30flztbnTb3XF3JSWp4A2UXHENXsHDL-YJYY2YBgihLhZiv7-lDciKhfK-ZDBs_xSGNYqP99j4eZgNMY7L7tbZUYkuHkG55RLGODwycw8HwX7ecLyP35n/s1600/Son_I_Am_Disappoint.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 232px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCVnVOx57xHc7Kx2lgUzyu5OU30flztbnTb3XF3JSWp4A2UXHENXsHDL-YJYY2YBgihLhZiv7-lDciKhfK-ZDBs_xSGNYqP99j4eZgNMY7L7tbZUYkuHkG55RLGODwycw8HwX7ecLyP35n/s400/Son_I_Am_Disappoint.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596724407168865026" /></a><br /><em>How will you ever find out about the origins of this meme without ED?!?!</em><br /><br /><br /><br />As a Blogger who frequently lets his Docx slip, posts photos of himself online, has an opinion on everything, and can't handle even the slightest of criticism, you would think that I would be terrified of ED, and the mountains of trolls who visited the site and were more than willing to ruin the lives of countless Bloggers and LiveJournal users simply for teh lulz of it. But whilst I admit that there was a scary side to the underworld of the internet, I still fear that the loss of Encyclopedia Dramatica may be the biggest loss the internet has, or ever will face. And here's why:<br /><br />Encyclopedia Dramatica was the archive. It took everything great which ever happened on /b/, or the other boards no-one ever visits, and documented it in Wiki form. Whilst I could technically be called an Oldfag to the 4Chan boards, having known of their existence before most of its current users had grown out of dressing as Spiderman on Weekends, I still suffer from the insane problem that I am not a lurker. I drop in on the board on occasion to see what's going on, and to catch up on lulz, but that's it. And so, I have missed almost every historic event to occur on the boards, simply because I spend so little time on there. Jessi Slaughter? Missed it. Tara Gilesbie? Missed it. Chris Chan? Missed it on /b/, caught some of the lulz on *shudder* YouTube. And so on, way back to the beginning - I never caught a significant event on /b/. We'll see what happens with this Qu'ran burning thing from last night, but since the moron actually burnt a copy of "Approaching the Qu'ran", as opposed to the Qu'ran itself, I highly doubt we'll ever hear about it again, unless people are still laughing at how dumb the guy is...<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNHz_sEKNAISzH8T4kQjFa9PKIPntL9GD9qTl6JXVjhCS3mLWEuzBbVkBPFKcewIPOgtjZTUkycoQb0HPYWRH6iXV1KmpOUxFv5Yv5fQbqzTH8NrRDpH1_5-bcKqKLmlMkj5CV7HzhrXyG/s1600/Approaching_The_Qu%2527ran.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 268px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNHz_sEKNAISzH8T4kQjFa9PKIPntL9GD9qTl6JXVjhCS3mLWEuzBbVkBPFKcewIPOgtjZTUkycoQb0HPYWRH6iXV1KmpOUxFv5Yv5fQbqzTH8NrRDpH1_5-bcKqKLmlMkj5CV7HzhrXyG/s400/Approaching_The_Qu%2527ran.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596727034739188706" /></a><br /><em>"That Book is Evil, and the work of Satan!" - oh, who am I kidding? It would sound just as dumb putting that caption on a picture of the actual Qu'ran...</em><br /><br /><br />And that's what was so great about ED - it captured all of these moments, and stored them in lulzy fashion, so we could cherish them forever, even those that we missed because we were too busy actually doing things with our lives. Why Lurk Moar when you can simply hit up a wiki that tells you everything you need to know about what you've missed between odd sessions on /b/?<br /><br /><br /><br />[<strong>image file: Chicks_with_Dicks_Pictures_From_/b/ has been removed due to a terms of service violation - Blogger.com Staff</strong>]<br /><br /><br /><br />Another great thing about ED was the brutal honesty contained within. The site was run on a shock-for-shock's-sake basis, and tried to put in as many offensive comments as possible. And yet, when you looked at any serious discussion they had on there, the offensive views were always well balanced. For example, whilst many people would have found the articles on Cho Seung offensive, owing to their marvelling at his achieving a high-score, and a 32-1 KDT ratio (fucking camper), it does highlight the point of an underlying encouragement of violence in our society, in much the same way as Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers did with its potrayal of the evils of the media. Under the lulz, there were serious points being made. The same thing happened with the article on "The Jews did 9/11" - they took a ridiculous theory purported by a number of conspiracy nuts, and simply ran it as being the truth, including crude photoshops of a Rabbi using his Laser-eyes to blow up the World Trade Centre. Sure, the article was written in a ridiculously anti-semitic manner, but it was satirising the way that some redneck Americans genuinely do blame the Jews for the Twin Towers attack, and by taking it to such an extreme, showed the ridiculousness of the idea.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfKzgC1F0sXdykjCFxnBdmLvDV3ZECwi5QR-WBFX0dLGD7N90rq6qr0XBmV1VPNlmLH_eXQKzZ9X9oSevu_gYghdr5CAx6SSfKOpvaYiuZjX6z0qZLrZphcjir6IJf6NJPx2Wc8UwDOwz4/s1600/Jews_Did_9_11.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 279px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfKzgC1F0sXdykjCFxnBdmLvDV3ZECwi5QR-WBFX0dLGD7N90rq6qr0XBmV1VPNlmLH_eXQKzZ9X9oSevu_gYghdr5CAx6SSfKOpvaYiuZjX6z0qZLrZphcjir6IJf6NJPx2Wc8UwDOwz4/s400/Jews_Did_9_11.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596729058386104626" /></a><br /><em>Although, now that I see the photographic evidence...</em><br /><br /><br /><br />Not only this, but if you looked at even basic articles, such as discussions on certain websites, you could always rely on the views being fair and balanced. For example, the site praised The Spoony Experiment as having once been a good website, but bedgrudged his fan-films made with the team from That Guy With the Glasses, and his constant over-use of Doctor Insano, a character funny the first time, but massively over used. It also dissed him for being too happy with the banhammer. All of this was true, and it painted a really accurate representation of the site; which whilst insulting, still acknowledged what was good about it, and constructively criticised the problems within it. Of course, it was filled with comments on how fat Spoony's girlfriend is, and how his family was responsible for 9/11 (being Jews), but it was actually a very fair review at heart, simply dressed up to seem more offensive than it really was.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYdSWZtfAiFeCXgoQVg23Fgw02yBOLIDb2J7QpduXG-4C8g5MKupagUt_WzT1GVkO31MQSvf8XJWpWzknEERQqhKvI2ohdb20Kh2842mCk7Qoh4WItGMdcUO5KFSG2hB_h-oGdCAAmnpK/s1600/Spoonys_fat_gf.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYdSWZtfAiFeCXgoQVg23Fgw02yBOLIDb2J7QpduXG-4C8g5MKupagUt_WzT1GVkO31MQSvf8XJWpWzknEERQqhKvI2ohdb20Kh2842mCk7Qoh4WItGMdcUO5KFSG2hB_h-oGdCAAmnpK/s400/Spoonys_fat_gf.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596730199486768898" /></a><br /><em>Ok, maybe they didn't dress up Everything...</em><br /><br /><br />As an instructional website, too, Encyclopedia Dramatica flourished. It had excellent guides on how to deal with conditions such as "Unwarranted Self-Importance", "I have Aspergers Syndrome", "I Have a 140 IQ" and "Girl on the Internet Syndrome"...<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQ-2DoQu5ClB4SLRbtD24Ny5HwlhWH6IRfEWYMo2dSbDExKSiICEpir19acLFa8nAP_IdlYXxn0xChXrsqVrxQda74vdKdqJ4eifteqiVyAfbfOHZT7GGRR_NZyxkJQ1x8ggAVQu2znAG/s1600/A_Typical_Sufferer.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQ-2DoQu5ClB4SLRbtD24Ny5HwlhWH6IRfEWYMo2dSbDExKSiICEpir19acLFa8nAP_IdlYXxn0xChXrsqVrxQda74vdKdqJ4eifteqiVyAfbfOHZT7GGRR_NZyxkJQ1x8ggAVQu2znAG/s400/A_Typical_Sufferer.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596733282068963746" /></a><br /><em>A typical GOTIS sufferer...</em><br /><br /><br /><br />On top of this, it also contained guides on what to say to people posting pathetic status's on Facebook in order to get the most lulzy responses, and even had an article on the most hilarious ways to commit suicide, in case you wished to become an hero, rather than just a regular, boring suicide. These guides were all consistently hilarious, and it's sad to think that we may never see them again.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6lb-1D4Gx9S4e4QYVjwgokfGrxj3Y09fgzoYzL1y2S4aRUXdrKBwDCCuU46UAMzrKEMbave4wIesnalB9_JILYH1qo-i9IuDNzu-FV3oNy3r3oQeJBPP-VjShmSKjWr5EJLORWlejb6-r/s1600/Spoilers.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 325px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6lb-1D4Gx9S4e4QYVjwgokfGrxj3Y09fgzoYzL1y2S4aRUXdrKBwDCCuU46UAMzrKEMbave4wIesnalB9_JILYH1qo-i9IuDNzu-FV3oNy3r3oQeJBPP-VjShmSKjWr5EJLORWlejb6-r/s400/Spoilers.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596733861440443010" /></a><br /><em>Though, I won't miss the spoilers, that's for sure... oops...</em><br /><br /><br />Encyclopedia Dramatica also stood for Truth, and Justice. It was the webiste the internet deserved. It just apparently isn't the website the internet needs right now. No matter how many lawlsuits they were threatened with, the leadership of ED stood firm, refusing to give in in all but the most exceptional of cases. They may have folded to Madeleine McCann's parents' lawyer when it came to their article on how Madeleine was clearly murdered by her mother, but they stood tall against many, many other individuals intent on killing the lulz, and for that, I salute them. Not only this, but even when the website's Overlord, Girlvinyl, was threatened by a group of trolls for posting a rather unpleasant article on how they all lived in their mothers' basements and fapped to Chris Hansen, she still refused to removed the page, despite having her docx leaked, and receiving multiple phonecalls from people saying they were coming to rape her. Now that's some vaguely-heroic shit. Shame, then, that she threw it all away to move to a site so tame as "Oh Internet" - which is basically "Know your Meme" mk. II.<br /><br />The way they tackled real-world news as well as internet trends also made Encyclopedia Dramatica a valuable resource for tracking down information. For example, there was a lot of talk on this kid "Casey Heynes" last month, but his video was blocked on YouTube to anyone who wasn't logged in (and, as I have explained before, I'm not able to log in to my YouTube any more). But who needs YouTube when a source as comprehensive as Encyclopedia Dramatica was available? Encyclopedia Dramatica frequently contained more details on events than Wikipedia, even if half of them were simply made up. They were so comprehensive that they managed to shame Wikipedia staff into updating their Pokemon pages to include a section on "I Herd U Liek Mudkipz", among other things, and I learnt a lot more about the Japanese Tsunami from ED than I did from Rupert Murdoch (even if half of it was Fallout 3 jokes...)<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbHYHkZSi-Ex_JJHUOckn-SJG3O-D5pdWFndQScUTvdV6kBrPgvgCvvYhyHsoWzBA-kyr7g2IkadRNckkRhdw8lBb3ixuGLFUZza-nll4WVx3Cpi9f7l4nh4gMjaL60Ois5jQdPP2sSaRH/s1600/Fallout_2011.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 219px; height: 217px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbHYHkZSi-Ex_JJHUOckn-SJG3O-D5pdWFndQScUTvdV6kBrPgvgCvvYhyHsoWzBA-kyr7g2IkadRNckkRhdw8lBb3ixuGLFUZza-nll4WVx3Cpi9f7l4nh4gMjaL60Ois5jQdPP2sSaRH/s400/Fallout_2011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596736115840581938" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Possibly the thing I will miss most about Encyclopedia Dramatica, though, is the hilarity of the site. I would frequently read Cracked as my lunchtime comedy, then switch over to ED for my late night lulz. You could go on just about any article, and there would be plenty of laughs to be had. It may well have all been user-submitted material, and therefore patchy and inconsistent, but the editors sure as hell did a good job keeping it as funny as they possibly could. I look at this site "Oh Internet", the toned-down replacement for ED, and can't help but feel they're selling out to try and appeal to a wider audience. After all that shit they gave to sites like Memebase and Know Your Meme, you would like to have thought Encyclopedia Dramatica would stick to its principles, and remain one of the most dark, shocking sites on the internet. Instead, it has just become another place where all the kids who think dressing up as "Rage Face Guy" and "Forever Alone" and taking pictures of yourself in class is cool will hang out, and will eventually die a slow and un-lulzy, as it fades into the unfunny background of mainstream memes. I tried to parody this attitude last year with my articles on "going viral", and "creating a meme" - the idea of trying to force something to be popular, and therefore making it incredibly pathetic, and I can't help but feel the creators of "Oh Internet", henceforth know as "The Murderers of Encyclopedia Dramatica", have betrayed their own values. And for that, I feel genuinely disappointed. In fact, the only good thing I can see coming out of this situation is that the title for "Most Offensive Webiste on Earth" is now up for grabs, and assuming actual Nazis and Hatemongers don't qualify for the title, I may have a fairly good shot at it.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjazUfTgnSUQRczX8QP1F0MiMmhMZlAhYsTTBUXUtnRmA3u2dJ-RWIxNC987y7Bm-ouoGxAo0PWambj19CoGt5JDhFyjlu72XCoofhdvfkGBu0hFeRPNbH1OUtG1k3_DNdIiG7C0cWr1YEz/s1600/sniper.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjazUfTgnSUQRczX8QP1F0MiMmhMZlAhYsTTBUXUtnRmA3u2dJ-RWIxNC987y7Bm-ouoGxAo0PWambj19CoGt5JDhFyjlu72XCoofhdvfkGBu0hFeRPNbH1OUtG1k3_DNdIiG7C0cWr1YEz/s400/sniper.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596736366028879330" /></a><br /><em>Is there an award for Blog containing the lamest puns?</em><br /><br /><br /><br />I can't help but feel that the day ED died may well have been the day the lulz died, and whilst it may increase traffic for the Cheezburger Network, or Unencyclopedia, it is a sad day for the rest of mankind. Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet Wiki. <br />And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm5zbkMiQL3VJ3zahIGEgS6GRwJwyf1glqgbfOArxsxuqXdyzMe-pf1hCpIT_3_-9jikiDjsyBh72CAyo83EZ9N8yx0JbKfXAb7ct5eTpOeV5qOTppHjywrzY92d_jGfNJHxnhP3o9MgLl/s1600/Horatio.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm5zbkMiQL3VJ3zahIGEgS6GRwJwyf1glqgbfOArxsxuqXdyzMe-pf1hCpIT_3_-9jikiDjsyBh72CAyo83EZ9N8yx0JbKfXAb7ct5eTpOeV5qOTppHjywrzY92d_jGfNJHxnhP3o9MgLl/s400/Horatio.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596723405204090130" /></a><br /><em>YEEEEEEAAAAH!!!!</em><br /><br /><br />Get it? No? Fair enough, I didn't think anyone familiar with Shakespeare would watch CSI, or vice-versa...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong><br /><br /><br /><br />There's apparently a BBC guy on /b/ right now trying to put together info for a news section to be broadcast on Saturday 23rd at 11.30 - I would call him a troll, but the guy's a Namefag. Shit creeps me out...Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8827010964268112641.post-74031599717550669192011-04-15T01:09:00.012+01:002011-04-15T02:15:41.969+01:00Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the Next Schindler's List<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOOifQy-8p4nY1UBPu3udFSkWbNxUzPWu6ssUmpj_KK8HB3BLSP2reb-3W5LOKbzzMavZSSHgHwK6tKnWP0fW9wTynONO9TFFVTxhwkd06NCiQ9egeBJvIM1zjybGA-Oq6pNxvSHJM861W/s1600/Deathly_Hallows_Poster.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOOifQy-8p4nY1UBPu3udFSkWbNxUzPWu6ssUmpj_KK8HB3BLSP2reb-3W5LOKbzzMavZSSHgHwK6tKnWP0fW9wTynONO9TFFVTxhwkd06NCiQ9egeBJvIM1zjybGA-Oq6pNxvSHJM861W/s400/Deathly_Hallows_Poster.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595612315718206530" /></a><br /><br /><br />Before I get into anything too serious, I just want to ask one question: Why are people so upset about the scene in this movie where Dobby the House Elf dies? If you ask me, that’s like getting sad if Jar Jar had died in The Phantom Menace...<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdOaIoGhogOOSNkL5pAD3nW4c4etjvXzTR1cdQufQGCxMmRSYgM2LPFhvBmpQ9q4pKr92KPCEurjThvcI6HLAQsNgvy-Uq7ocF8-dUyYKL25vDfM0WS6EoWKNUaffAdQapU3xztI0yg9W8/s1600/fuck_this_guy.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdOaIoGhogOOSNkL5pAD3nW4c4etjvXzTR1cdQufQGCxMmRSYgM2LPFhvBmpQ9q4pKr92KPCEurjThvcI6HLAQsNgvy-Uq7ocF8-dUyYKL25vDfM0WS6EoWKNUaffAdQapU3xztI0yg9W8/s400/fuck_this_guy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595611618589720850" /></a><br /><em>Fuck this guy.</em><br /><br /><br /><br />I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One on Monday, and have only one major concern – well, 2 if you count the fact that I’m a 22 year-old who not only still watches kids’ films, but then brags about doing so online – were all those references to Nazi Germany and Religion in the book? It’s been years since I read it (I read the book the day it was released, but haven’t looked at it since), but I honestly don’t remember any analogies for Nazi Germany appearing in it. Yet when I watched the film, literally everything was to do with Nazis or Jews. SERIOUSLY.<br /><br /><br /><br /><em>...Or should I say… Siriusly? </em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLkaV9qdSPZoD1QAQOWIQI6hSnnLtDjpMOAkLLkRb7o-xFQ_5oHmp0r5n_3JKmusahyphenhyphenSH31an-NtFKIhXhm1_O6OzlYja0KyKk3zcrsHNE7245nzYEJlUnTvTi4xXWhPxe0H0INdeof3N/s1600/Gary_Oldman_Yeeeeaaah_CSI.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGLkaV9qdSPZoD1QAQOWIQI6hSnnLtDjpMOAkLLkRb7o-xFQ_5oHmp0r5n_3JKmusahyphenhyphenSH31an-NtFKIhXhm1_O6OzlYja0KyKk3zcrsHNE7245nzYEJlUnTvTi4xXWhPxe0H0INdeof3N/s400/Gary_Oldman_Yeeeeaaah_CSI.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595604093111798370" /></a><br /><br /><br />Firstly, we have the whole round-table discussion at the start, where the death eaters all meet to discuss the problem with muggle-born wizards, and how muggles are an inferior race to wizards, which is strangely reminiscent of the Wannsee Conference (Which, incidentally, had a film (‘Conspiracy’) based on it starring Kenneth Branagh, who played Gildroy Lockhart in ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’, as a Nazi). But this is just the beginning of the comparisons. When Harry, Ron and Hermione sneak into the Ministry of Magic later in the film, we see all the muggle-borns being rounded up, and reviewed, and put on trial on various trumped up charges. Everything about this scene was clearly written as a thinly veiled analogy for the Holocaust, from Umbridge accusing a Muggle-Born Witch of stealing her wand from a pure-blood, to Harry’s extraordinarily Gestapo-looking leather Jacket. I’m also certain we at some point see a shot of a Muggle-Born witch or wizard with the word “Mudblood” carved into their left forearm. Hmm… a mark on the left forearm? That’s not overly obvious…<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI9P9OGXxHAvR_zvIBOhn8p1nD9pwvkW1a3iGb_wfQ7_9OpY52cYBYScOVj4ioSwkzfZuWSaP0tck_GvOnbtkByLgGqv6XJ6igJpMdCA5nmm6X4HiZPdOROW5ueTsKFYlP7X7O2mQ3XxxK/s1600/holocaust_tattoo.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 360px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI9P9OGXxHAvR_zvIBOhn8p1nD9pwvkW1a3iGb_wfQ7_9OpY52cYBYScOVj4ioSwkzfZuWSaP0tck_GvOnbtkByLgGqv6XJ6igJpMdCA5nmm6X4HiZPdOROW5ueTsKFYlP7X7O2mQ3XxxK/s400/holocaust_tattoo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595605111325419250" /></a><br /><br /><br />Hell, even the scenes set in the woods in the snow when Harry and Hermione are jumping around from place to place and hiding out reminded me of the movie “Defiance” (with none other than the Tank himself, Liev Schreiber), and I couldn’t help but feel that this was also intentional, if not to parallel that movie directly then at least to correspond to images from the War of Jews hiding in woods on the Eastern Front to avoid being sent to the Concentration Camps.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpNNE7akEOz859NOMgbQaKJ-CtCXGKbwXXAX1molPt4n1BCnAre_elv6mcVFKNcJNI_W_N2zymdIy-rlXbAA_W5E44bwhlIM2ffQiBCoo1M4L8mWXM_aGexdLsqLNBuhceArHnqb057U0/s1600/Deathly_Hallows_vs_Defiance.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 114px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpNNE7akEOz859NOMgbQaKJ-CtCXGKbwXXAX1molPt4n1BCnAre_elv6mcVFKNcJNI_W_N2zymdIy-rlXbAA_W5E44bwhlIM2ffQiBCoo1M4L8mWXM_aGexdLsqLNBuhceArHnqb057U0/s400/Deathly_Hallows_vs_Defiance.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595607247884442322" /></a><br /><em>In Soviet Russia, Horcrux Destroys YOU!</em><br /><br /><br />In fact, I would say it’s just about impossible to watch this movie without making comparisons with the Holocaust. Hell, Lord Voldemort was the SS Officer in charge of the Concentration Camp in Schindler’s List, for fuck’s sake. But my question is – why?<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCrup8f_zLivpWI0Q8hqn_v5eet8k6tH5dCOAk1JKGj7WD0zVqMIjjienJQToRZYiP2dvsIHrxT-u_KiGD2llGGTWw8zxkb00uSCCqMnG8DtdVivC-T1ygDOri1KiwtTPv7l-08AQ0W8B9/s1600/ralph-fiennes-schindlers-list.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 301px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCrup8f_zLivpWI0Q8hqn_v5eet8k6tH5dCOAk1JKGj7WD0zVqMIjjienJQToRZYiP2dvsIHrxT-u_KiGD2llGGTWw8zxkb00uSCCqMnG8DtdVivC-T1ygDOri1KiwtTPv7l-08AQ0W8B9/s400/ralph-fiennes-schindlers-list.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595608237227975602" /></a><br /><em>Oh, you thought I was kidding?</em><br /><br /><br />I mean, I get that it’s often a good idea to make your movie actually mean something, to stand for something – the comparisons made with the Nazis and the Communists in Starship Troopers made that film far more awesome. But why make comparisons with the Holocaust in a children’s film? I mean, it’s not the sort of thing you would really want kids to know about (unless you’re of the opinion that they’re gonna learn about this stuff at some point, so fuck it), and it’s a very dark subject area. Plus, you know, setting it in the wizarding world tames it all down, so it’s not as if the film is making a point about how terrible and diabolical the events were, and nor is it trying to show what can become of humans when driven by hate, or mislead by those in power. It is simply a side-plot, as though someone said “Hey, let’s put in references to the Holocaust – wouldn’t that be cool?” and the rest of the writers agreed with them.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6SkyGK8erj6ubSp2gdp-_z2ywpWu20BZTJHY8fIgi5kdgZPn7SK5WO82rmjQy1lTUz1Eona0P6HCSesjK0hMmxQfgrfeosPyR6aOL2CcHYebM7i4OYalbQXAtGD4ye_RVgm83xgb4kt1/s1600/Dude_smoking_bong_through_gas_mask.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6SkyGK8erj6ubSp2gdp-_z2ywpWu20BZTJHY8fIgi5kdgZPn7SK5WO82rmjQy1lTUz1Eona0P6HCSesjK0hMmxQfgrfeosPyR6aOL2CcHYebM7i4OYalbQXAtGD4ye_RVgm83xgb4kt1/s400/Dude_smoking_bong_through_gas_mask.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595609115713002914" /></a><br /><em>Typical Writers' room session - in their defence, it is less than a week til 4/20.</em><br /><br /><br /><br />But even if we ignore the whole Holocaust thing, what’s with Harry and Hermione deciding to go to his Birth Place on Christmas Eve? Harry’s Birthplace. On Christmas Eve. Are you following me? Then Ron finds them, by following a bright light, which guides him back to them. Hermione is a Muggle-Born, and Harry’s mother was as well. If we look back at the Holocaust comparison, it is clear that the muggle-borns are Jews. Two Jews travelling to the male’s birthplace at Christmas, and a man who travels from a far-away place to find them, guided by a bright light, whilst the evil ruler of the land sends his forces (his snake) to try and find and kill “the chosen one”. That’s right - It’s the motherfucking Bible.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAHqFeE3RucctU3zhoabohdAaPiJqmg4MpqXlHqfQ1OYJewsymw3-xLaySeUf91aOwkCtz43Qq37lRCRiZpbfo1ADH5cfxcm1kZJzUTJll8kWuj8J5pKrYy4ZvzJwmWYLvVR6Vn4v5HZvF/s1600/Motherfucking_Bible.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 176px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAHqFeE3RucctU3zhoabohdAaPiJqmg4MpqXlHqfQ1OYJewsymw3-xLaySeUf91aOwkCtz43Qq37lRCRiZpbfo1ADH5cfxcm1kZJzUTJll8kWuj8J5pKrYy4ZvzJwmWYLvVR6Vn4v5HZvF/s400/Motherfucking_Bible.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595609765066955810" /></a><br /><br /><br />Was this shit present in all the books, or even the other films, and I just never noticed it until now? Almost certainly. Yet still I find myself wondering: why?<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE1-Eun0Lnr3AYA9m1_mBeG38VvEyiR1DOOHDiZomqpYXWaGjH1Mc6rEABKdtWER6kqIXhyphenhyphen7xR-W8uRxehaZ6eGupzASmsfzKguVTkm4aD61uhtE7lJla2CB6P3QhVKFpYaZiJeI4-scqn/s1600/Rehdogg_Why_Must_I_cry.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE1-Eun0Lnr3AYA9m1_mBeG38VvEyiR1DOOHDiZomqpYXWaGjH1Mc6rEABKdtWER6kqIXhyphenhyphen7xR-W8uRxehaZ6eGupzASmsfzKguVTkm4aD61uhtE7lJla2CB6P3QhVKFpYaZiJeI4-scqn/s400/Rehdogg_Why_Must_I_cry.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595610836444272210" /></a><br /><em>Tell me Why...</em><br /><br /><br /><br />Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say – the movie is about as good as you’d expect, and well, there’s not all that much I can really say about it. The scene at the end where Voldemort opens Dumbledoor’s tomb could have been done differently, because as it was when the lid began to slide back I half-expected to see Thunderbird One come soaring out, but other than that I have no real complaints. The scene where Harry first leaves the house and tries to get to the Weasley’s is bitchin’, and looks as though it was from a proper action film, rather than just a wizards story aimed primarily at children, and although it did drag in places, I quite like the darker, slower tone of this film. It was cool seeing Rhys Ifans again, though I’m glad he and David Thewlis didn’t have a scene together – I wouldn’t want to see Professor Lupin whip his cock out and draw a face on it for Xenophilius and Luna, that would just have been beyond creepy…<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWgeB3xjXvahxFQ8WWFeEbA3X5mOYX0CMco47iq8Kw4jwZwMPoPR7Jb0cjPgMmBR0GgPiZq5pIy5nfWRSa69tTW9cbgXXXWmQ8DG1afW5GA0CnsPGUwuqfCVk1IoKU6Ok736Na6_Y8uYEC/s1600/David_Thewlis_Rhys_Ifans.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWgeB3xjXvahxFQ8WWFeEbA3X5mOYX0CMco47iq8Kw4jwZwMPoPR7Jb0cjPgMmBR0GgPiZq5pIy5nfWRSa69tTW9cbgXXXWmQ8DG1afW5GA0CnsPGUwuqfCVk1IoKU6Ok736Na6_Y8uYEC/s400/David_Thewlis_Rhys_Ifans.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595610172005162562" /></a><br /><em>and let's not even think about Lupin kneecapping Xenophilius...</em><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Voice</strong>Voicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11435424659841909773noreply@blogger.com0