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Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Well, I Finished Watching The A-Team This Evening, So Here's Something Completely Unrelated...

There's been a lot of talk over the past couple of weeks about the new Trey Parker and Matt Stone musical "The Book of Mormon". Having not seen the production, I decided writing an article on it would be difficult, so decided instead to test out my journalistic skills by interviewing a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, and asking for his opinion on the subject.

Ok, so that didn't exactly go according to plan, but that's ok, because I don't need to see a show to be able to review it. So, let's get on with: The Book of Mormon (P)review!

As we all know, Trey Parker has some seriously impressive musical credentials. Not only did he write some of the catchiest songs on the planet, but he was even nominated for an Oscar for the song "Blame Canada".

To put things in perspective, this means that Trey Parker has been nominated for more Oscars than SAM MOTHERFUCKING ROCKWELL. Now THAT's hardcore.

On top of this, we already know that Parker and Stone can handle the subject of religion with the utmost sensitivity...

And to add to this, they've even written a story in which the lead character was a Mormon before:

So they should be able to pull it off fairly successfully. In fact, they only problem I can see is that the guy playing the lead in the first run of the show looks a bit too Jewish to play a mormon...

Kidding. It's actually this guy:

And that's my (p)review. Lazy, I know, but fuck you - I don't get paid for doing this. There is, however, one more thing I wish to say about music before I finish, and that is: Everyone who is going on about "Surfing Bird" - Fuck you, shut the fuck up you fucking retards. If you haven't seen Full Metal Jacket, you don't deserve to even acknowledge the existence of that song, and I know less than 1% of you have seen it. In fact, you know what? If you haven't seen Full Metal Jacket yet, then you shouldn't even be on a Movie reviewing Blog. Just get out. Now.

But, you know, come back as soon as you've seen it so I don't lose pageviews.

Hey, and you know what? I'm not through with the music trends of today. So fuck it, this is becoming an article on things I hate about music right now. Family-Guy fans obsessing over what they call "Bird is the Word" (They can't even get the fucking name right!) comes in at #1, but that's not all that annoys me.

#2: Jessie J.

Jessie J became famous for being the singer all the websites and Radio DJs said would be "the next big thing" in the second half of last year - most of us had heard her name before she ever released a single because it was crammed down our throats constantly. When we did hear her debut single "Do it like a Dude", and saw the video to it, we all had basically the same reaction: "So, she's basically Lady Gaga, but English?". But that's not even what bothers me about her. What I hate is the song "Pricetag" - sure, it's catchy and the kids love it, but come on, it's such a ridiculous message: "We don't care about the money, money, money" - Yes, you fucking do! You saw Lady Gaga was popular for having the exact same stupid gimmicks you currently employ and decided to copy her whilst being weird was still the "in-thing". Be honest now, if you really aren't in it for the money, how come you didn't stay doing musicals in the West End? Now, don't get me wrong, I know plently of singers sell out and do more commercial songs (Katy Perry sang Gospel songs and the motherfucking Beatles were basically the original punk rock band), but they don't fucking sing about how they're not selling out, do they?!?!

Way Better than Jessie J. (Duh.)

#3 - Missing the point

I have two young cousins, one 12, and one 10, so I hear a lot about the bands which tweens think are cool these days (hence I know anything about Jessie J). One of the things they like is The Black Eyed Peas, and especially the song "Check it Out" by Cheryl Cole,, and Nicki Minaj. Now, whilst I could go for the standard "It's shitty and auto-tuned" approach, or "Oh, it's the video is Weaboo heaven, that must make it a good song, right?", I instead wanted to make a point about entirely missing the point.

You see, the song "Check it Out" samples the song "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles. For those of you unfamiliar with the song (PLAY VICE CITY YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!), there are only three lines you need to know:

"They Took the Credit for your Second Symphony
Rewritten by Machine and New Technology
And now I understand the problems you can see"

- The song is a fucking Critique of bands who take someone else's work, remix it, and use machines to make their own dreadful music sound half decent. In essence, the song Video Killed the Radio Star was written as a "fuck you" to bands like the Black Eyed Peas - why are you sampling a song from someone who hated people sampling their songs?!?!

Now I know what you're thinking: "But 'Video Killed the Radio Star' was recorded using the new machines and technology, and was designed as just a catchy pop song, so how can it be a critique of this?" and my response to you is "Have you never fucking heard American Pie by Don Mclean?"

NOT that American Pie... and Stop Masturbating before I post Goatse. Hah, now I've made you think of it. What, you're still going? That's not right, man...

American Pie was a song about how the good old Christian Values had disappeared from music after the death of Buddy Holly, and was replaced by the overly-sexual music of Elvis, and over-political music of Dylan. McLean was writing a song in the style of Bob Dylan as a critique of Dylan, as a means of showing that Good Old Fashioned values could be turned into a song the kids would enjoy. I love Dylan, and I love that song because it is very Dylan-esque, but the fact that it is written as a "fuck-you" to Bob Dylan did not escape me.

He would have the last laugh, though, because nobody can name more than 2 Don McLean songs...

This also makes it hilarious that Madonna would cover the song. Again, like the Black Eyed Peas, it seems she missed the point.

Of course, since she used to be relatively hot, we forgave her...

#4 - YouTube

Everyone keeps going on about this 'Friday' song, yet I haven't seen one auto-tuned remix of a Charlie Sheen interview. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Remember this guy? That's the potential I'm talking about here...

Or, to use the parlence of the internet;

Son, I Am Disappoint.

Great potential here, wasted. I miss the days of the Christian Bale rant, I tell you that right now...

Well, that's it for now - there's plenty of other shit goingon in the world that annoys me, but as you know, I'm lazy as fuck and can't be bothered to do anything about it. I'm debating whether to complete some of my half-finished reviews I've amassed since I started Blogging, but then again as they're generally the ones that were too shit to post at the time, that may not be such a good idea. Still, what else am I going to do with my life? Something Worthwhile?


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