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Thursday, 31 March 2011

Thanks for the Support, Everyone!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the Pageviews this month. I wasn't sure if anyone was actually going to visit this site when I first started writing for it, so it's really nice to see that some people are actually checking my stuff out. Just to show you how much things have taken off in this last month, here's a quick shot of my Stats Overview for the past few months:

That's all down to YOU, people!

Yep, we've finally done it. My page views are finally OVER 9000!

Really appreciate the support, everyone! Hope you continue to enjoy the site - More posts coming soon!



(Too Pathetic; Didn't Read)

So, I wrote an article about hating pathetic Facebook memes, and now I'm copying one? Hypocrite!

I’ve had a couple of requests from people to post my responses to ‘the 30 day song challenge’. As I’m not the kind of guy to dedicate an entire month of my life to anything whatsoever, I decided to change this to ‘the 30 songs challenge’. Same rules, shorter time period. As I’m sure you all remember, this Blog was originally set up as a Music-reviewing Blog, until I suddenly realized “Holy Shit, I know fuck all about music” and switched to reviewing movies and writing insane ramblings on a variety of subjects no-one cares about instead. So here’s me coming back to form, in a sense, giving you my responses to ‘The 30 Songs Challenge’. You may like what you see; you may lose all respect for me. But either way, at least I’m not posting some of the more pathetic Facebook crazes on here seriously. Like, oh, I don’t know...



This is a tough one, because my favourite song changes pretty well on a daily basis. For a while last week, it was the song “Now You’re a Man” by Trey Parker, taken from the movie “Orgasmo”. That is, until I was linked to the site ‘’...

Some people will just say, ‘just think of your favourite song by your favourite band’, on the assumption that if they’re your favourite band, their best song should also be your favourite song. However, this is somewhat akin to saying “Your favourite actor is Christian Bale, and his best film was ‘American Psycho’, so therefore American Psycho must be your favourite film” – it just doesn’t work like that. And what about hits by bands who have done fuck all great songs, but had that one hit wonder that you absolutely fucking love? So in all, this is one hell of a difficult question to answer.

I guess, in the end, I just have to go with ‘which song have I really been enjoying more than any other lately?’ – and in response to this, I guess I would have to go for the one I spontaneously started singing last night, and got a group of people to join in with, and start air-banding the whole thing. And that song is: ‘I Need to Know’ by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.


Did you know Microsoft Word is trying to correct that to “You’re Least Favourite Song”? No wonder so many people on the internet have a fucking atrocious grasp of when to use “Your” or “You’re”, or “There”, “their” and “they’re” – their fucking computers tell them they’re wrong when they get it right!

But back to the task at hand – I’m certain I’ll be the only person on Earth not typing “Friday by Rebecca Black” right here, but the fact is, this kind of internet hate comes and goes. Hatred of mainstream media, however, is forever. Now, whilst I’m sure they were offering good odds on my saying “Number 1” by Tinchy Strider and N-DUBZ, I’m not going to because even though the artists are cunts, and the video is terrible, the song is far from the worst I have ever heard. Also, there are all manner of worthless jingles in my memory, but can they all be counted as “songs”? The Crazy Frog was massively popular amongst retards and cunts when I was about 11 or 12 (ish?), but no matter how much I despise that, I wouldn’t even give it the priviledge of honouring it with the title “a song”. So I guess that restricts things further...
I suppose I would have to go with “That Fast Food Song”, because basically it’s an advert for the Capitalist system, and is also as annoying as 10 Justin Biebers (or 8 Rebecca Blacks, or 5 Goatses, or 2 Nick Cleggs).


This one’s a little easier, because it’s any song that makes you happy, not the song that makes you happiest, so I can pick absolutely any song. So I suppose I’ll pick the song that had me shouting “FUCK YEAH!!!!” when it started playing on Radio 2 the other night – Thin Lizzy with “Dancing in the Moonlight”.


This exact question ruined my day when MSN asked it 3 years ago, because one of the published answers was “Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, because it’s the song playing just before Chris Moltisanti dies in The Sopranos”. I’m fine with publishing that now, because to be honest, if you haven’t watched The Sopranos yet, you’ve probably heard far worse spoilers than that already. But to publish that before the final 9 Episodes were even released on DVD (I bought the set the day it came out, so I’m certain of this) is a bit fucking much.

So, what song should I pick? There are loads of Depressing-sounding songs, to choose from, even if, like me, you really aren’t a big fan of the whole whiney-emo scene. I’ll admit, there are some very good, depressing songs told from a first person perspective; “Waiting for the Miracle” by Leonard Cohen, Half of Nirvana’s Discography, and both “Hurt” and “Give My Love to Rose” by Johnny Cash (I’m well aware “Hurt” was a cover, yes...). All amazing songs. But I think in the end, I have to give it to Rammstein’s ‘Ohne Dich’.

Is the song really about a Heroin addict? It makes sense, given the line “Mit dir bin ich auch Aleine”. But the rest of the song sounds so much like it’s about a lost love that it’s hard to believe it’s not about a girl. And that’s what makes this song amazing – it could be a fantastic song about someone who has lost the love of their life, but when you consider that love may be heroin (makes sense when you consider they already wrote a song about a heroin addict dying all alone with “Adios”), it just gives it an even deeper meaning – the song could go both ways. Much like Till in “Zwitter”. WHOOOOAAA!!!!!


When I was 18, I started seeing one of my mate’s girlfriend’s friends, and we all hung out one night. At about midnight, we decided to sneak into the place where this girl worked, basically just to raid the freezer. She was a waitress in a farm restaurant way out in the countryside, with no buildings or towns for miles around. Whilst the girls were grabbing Ice Cream, my friend and I came up with the ingenious plan of scaring the shit out of them, knowing full well that it is a proven scientific fact that girls are more likely to sleep with you if you terrify them first (I am not making this up). So, when we left the building, we both acted like we were hearing noises in the fields nearby (it was a farm, after all), and started to act really freaked out ourselves. This succeeded in freaking the girls out, who just wanted to get back to the car. As luck would have it, there were a number of scarecrows on the way to the car park, as we had to take a narrow path across a field, and we were saying things like “I’m sure that scarecrow wasn’t there before” or “just imagine, if you wanted to murder someone here, you could easily just stand by the path in ragged clothes, and they would walk right up to you thinking you were a scarecrow”. A couple of stones thrown out into the field to make noise later, and the girls were sufficiently freaked. We raced back into the car, and I turned on the ignition, at which point the song “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads started blaring through the radio, as if it knew just what to play in that instance. So, I’ll have to dedicate this entry to the girl I successfully freaked out in those fields all those years ago, and name the song “Psycho Killer”.


Driving through the French Alps between Tignes and Val d’Isere a couple of years ago, I was chilling and listening to music, looking out over the fantastic landscape, lit by the brightest sunshine I think I have ever seen. The “Deal With It” Picture of me in a Hawaiian Shirt up in the mountains was taken there, and it has to be one of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever witnessed. The song I was listening to whilst driving? Only the song “Strutter” by Kiss, a song I had previously only associated with driving across the deserts of San Andreas, but will now forever be in my head as the song that I had on in the French Alps. Love it.


Walking along the streets of Portsmouth at 5 in the morning in winter is depressing as fuck. Especially in fog. Everything is grey and horrible, and you wonder why you even bother. So when “It’s the End of the World as we Know it” by R.E.M started to play on my MP3 player, it had the bizarre effect of actually making me enjoy my surroundings, whilst contemplating what the end of the world really would look like for me from here. So, the song that reminds me of walking through a run-down city in the early hours of the morning when nobody else was around?


This could, of course, cover hundreds of different songs. I’ve never been too good at remembering people, or places, but numbers and lyrics I find easy as fuck. So I guess, given I have literally hundreds of songs to choose from, I should pick the one I personally feel is the most impressive, and given its 11 minute run-time, I guess there are few songs more impressive to know all the words to than Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row”.

Buuuut... YouTube doesn't seem to have the song. Though, to be honest, if you don't own either Highway 61 Revisited or Bob Dylan's 3 Disc Music Collection, you need to go and die in a hole right now.

Anyway, here's some random guy doing a cover:


Again, you can pretty well dance to absolutely any song out there, so this seems like a bit of an odd question. So, I suppose it’s going to have to be Pharaoh Monch’s “Simon Says”; the rhymes are whack, but the beat is Gang$ta (to paraphrase a number of individuals from YouTube). Plus, Sam Rockwell looked like a Boss dancing to it.


I am not like so many of my generation, spending literally their entire waking lives with an earphone shoved in one ear, listening to music constantly. Not only this, but I never put music on when I go to sleep – I have music on to enjoy it, not because it’s just something that should be on in the background. Not only this, but I don’t find music makes me sleepy, so this question is pretty difficult for me to answer. However, if I want a cool, relaxing song that I can just chill out to, and that I might have on before I went to bed, then I suppose you could do a lot worse than Leonard Cohen’s “Anthem”.


Really? Oops, I’ve already done one of these. Still, the rules don’t say anything about using multiple songs from the same band, so why worry?

There are loads of great Rammstein songs out there, and it’s so hard to choose one for this entry. Where do you even start? So, I guess I’ll have to start at the logical place; the beginning. No, not “Wollt Ihr Das Bett in Flammen Sehen”, although that would make sense also; but with the first Rammstein song I ever heard, way back in 2001: Sonne.


The Gallagher Brothers are cunts. No discussion. I hate everything from their smug faces down to their shitty retro trainers, and would like nothing better than to smash their fucking Hipster glasses into their ridiculously over-inflated heads. That said, Oasis have made some pretty decent songs. The best probably being “Don’t Look Back in Anger”. So well played, you cunts, you made my list. Enjoy.


Oh God, I hardly dare admit this for fear of what it will do to my reputation. But I fucking love “The Flood” by Take That.

You’re probably expecting me to post “Ha, April Fool!” right about now, but no – I’m being completely and utterly serious here. I think it is an amazing song.


Given the amount of hate I throw at N-DUBZ, it’s obvious that I don’t love their songs, and no-one expects me to. Oh wait, sorry, you mean a song that no-one expects me to love but that I DO love? Well, that’s a bit more awkward now, isn’t it? The problem is, most of the stuff I love that is utter shit people expect me to love anyway. People expect me to love “Don’t you want me Baby” because it’s 80s cheese, just like people know I love films like “Triple X” and “Exit Wounds”, because I enjoy utter shit. Even things like “Be my Baby” by the Ronettes, people expect me to like, because obviously I’ve seen Mean Streets. Hell, after my “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” review, people won’t even be surprised to learn I like a couple of 50 Cent songs. So what do I love, that no-one would expect me to? I guess my answer to this will have to be Green Day, because even I’m surprised that I would like Green Day. And whilst people might explain away my love of “American Idiot” as being a form of punk-nostalgia, that still doesn’t explain why the fuck I love “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”. So, a song that no-one would expect me to love? I guess a song that even I’m surprised I love should do the trick.


As much as I want to put “I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred here, I shall refrain. Though, to be honest, it’s hard to think of a song that describes me better. I suppose it’s got to be U2’s “Stuck in a Moment”, for those occasions where I really do lose it and get fixated on things that don’t really matter...


I don’t think there are any songs that I used to love, but now hate. I may dislike some songs I used to enjoy, simply because I’ve heard them too much; but to actively go from love to hate? I don’t see that happening. Shit, I would probably still crack a smile if you put on the old “Mr Blobby” single I used to have on tape when I was a kid – I literally cannot think of a single song I once loved, then grew to hate. There are a few, such as “Tribute” and “Business Time”, which I enjoyed when I first heard them, but then became really mainstream (I’m a closet Hipster) and quoted by absolutely fucking everyone soon after, meaning they lost their appeal. But still, I don’t actively hate those songs. In the end, I guess, I’ll have to choose one like this, which I enjoyed upon first hearing it, but now get annoyed by because morons continue to spam it everywhere. So, congratulations, for the second time in the past week or so, I’m posting “Surfin’ Bird” on this Blog. Fuck you, Family Guy fans, you ruined this song, and by extension “Full Metal Jacket”, even worse than watching John C. McGinley in Scrubs ruined my view of “Platoon”. This one’s for you:


I wouldn’t know about “often”, because I don’t listen to the radio all that much. I also don’t want to post some shit here, which is what I tend to hear on the radio if I’m in the gym or somewhere. So, what gets played often on the radio when I’m listening? Well, they play “Take That” a fair amount, which I’ve already posted, and Lady Gaga’s quite popular. But I’m going to choose a song I haven’t heard on the radio “often”, but which I did hear twice in 2 days; it’s “Across 110th Street” by Bobby Womack.


Simply for the lulz value, it’s got to be “Shut Your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker” by Trey Parker and Co. I can imagine the shit storm that would create if played uncensored on national radio – AAAWWWW YEEEAAAH!!!!!


Naturally, we’re not counting hits albums here, which is a bit of a shame, otherwise I’d post “Emerald” by Thin Lizzy, who have the greatest “Greatest Hits” album ever (closely followed by David Bowie). And, of course, we won’t be able to include soundtracks, either – otherwise the Pulp Fiction soundtrack would probably take the top spot. So, it comes down to actual studio albums released by bands, which may be tricky...

The problem with this question is that it falls prey to the same difficulties we had with the “Favourite song” question – it really depends on mood. A number of Bob Dylan’s albums are fantastic – especially “Blood on the Tracks”, “Highway 61 Revisited” and “Bringing it all back Home”. But would I call them my favourite albums? Likewise, Rammstein have had 4 absolutely incredible albums in “Herzeleid”, “Sehnsucht”, “Mutter” and “Reise, Reise”, and there are plenty of other bands I can think of who have released a tremendous album at some point. I suppose in the end, though, it really makes sense to go with one of the two albums featured on the tape that never left the cassette player in my car for a full year when I was 17/18. And although both albums are incredible, I’m going to pick the one I always used to prefer back when I was a long haired 18 year old kid who loved nothing more than driving in the sunshine and quoting The Big Lebowski. So, for the second time in this Blog post, I give you a song from Bob Dylan’s Highway 61 Revisited. This time, I’m going to go not for my favourite song on the album, but the most famous, and most significant. I give you: “Like a Rolling Stone”.


Back in the day when I was your typically angry teenager (long before I discovered Bob Dylan and just plain Chilling the fuck out), my favourite song to listen to when angry was “Just Don’t Give a Fuck” by Eminem. And while my music tastes may have changed a bit since then, I no longer have the need to calm myself with blaring music when I’m angry (I just let it burn out / smash the shit out of everything and everything in sight these days. A much more mature way of dealing with things...), so I suppose it’s only appropriate to post the song I used to calm myself down to back in the day, even though I haven’t listened to it in God knows how long, simply as a tribute to those days when it did help me out of some pretty dark places.


Not a song that makes you happy (we already had that), but a song you listen to whilst happy? Hmmm... this could be just about any song, to be honest. I doubt there’s anyone on the planet who says “Ooh, I’m happy! I’ll listen to my happy song!” – that’s just plain weird. But, I suppose I have to pick one, so I’ll go for a song that deserves to be mentioned somewhere on this list, but probably wouldn’t get a look in if I didn’t post it here: It’s the full-length version of David Bowie’s “Heroes”.


Well, this is a tough one. I’d like to put either “I’m Going to Cut Myself (I Mean it this Time)” by Death Car for Jimmy, or “I’ve Got Hurt Feelings” by Flight of the Conchords. However, this seems like a little bit of a cop-out, so I guess I’ll have to think seriously about songs I listen to when I’m sad. I can’t really put “Ohne Dich” again, so I guess I’ll just have to choose another. Still, no-one says a song you listen to whilst sad has to be a sad song, and whilst I would put “More than a Feeling” by Boston here, I got so pissed off by its constant over-use in adverts that I’m no longer quite the diehard fan of it I once was. However, that doesn’t stop me from picking another song I already used on my “10 Best Wake-up Songs” list, so rather than #1, I’m gonna pick the song I nominated as the 2nd best wake-up song to be the song to listen to when sad; it’s Tom Petty (for the second time) with “Free Falling”.


That I want to play myself, or that I want to be played? It doesn’t matter; it’s the same fucking answer either way: DU HAST by Rammstein. Unsure of why I picked it? Here’s the English version, just so you get an idea of what the lyrics are about:


Well, I highly doubt I’ll be in any position to play a song at my own funeral, but I digress. I suspect “Another one bites the dust” is quite a popular choice, simply because it’s “Ironic”, same with “Highway to Hell”. But it’s not for me. “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley is also presumably quite popular, because the idea of Rick Rolling a funeral is really one of the founding principles of the internet. But again, that’s not really my scene. I might also be appropriate, I suppose, for them to play “My Way” by Sid Vicious at my funeral – because what better way to be remembered than by the words of a man completely different to yourself in every way, save the fact that you can both play the bass poorly, and were both played by Gary Oldman in the movie adaptations of your life? But, in the end, I suppose I should choose something at least vaguely sensible, so I’m going for “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. Kidding. No, I’m actually going to pick “Free Bird” by Lynard Skynard, because “Swamp Music” would have been totally inappropriate...


Chacarron by El Mudo – I literally laughed for about 10 minutes the first time I watched “Batman on Drugs”. So now you know how poor my sense of humour is, feel free to never come on this Blog again...


I can play a hell of a lot of songs on Keyboard, and can play the Cowbell Solo in Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper” flawlessly. But really, I’m going to have to pick the first song I learnt to play on Bass Guitar, mainly because it gives me an excuse to post a badass montage video. It’s Robert Tepper’s “There’s No Easy Way Out”.


Portrait of Tracy by Jaco Pastorius, definitely.


I honestly can’t think of why anyone would feel guilty whilst listening to a song; unless you stole the record from somebody, perhaps? So fuck it, here’s some Pink Floyd:


It had to be:


My favourite song this time last year? Fucked if I know. I don’t even remember my favourite song last month. The fact that the only music posts I put up in April last year were on N-DUBZ and the Insane Clown Posse doesn’t really help, either. I guess I’m going to have to go with Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love”, simply because I remember listening to that on my way to Cambridge at Easter last year – but to be honest, it could have been just about anything...

You know, other than The Insane Clown Posse or N-DUBZ.


Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Well, I Finished Watching The A-Team This Evening, So Here's Something Completely Unrelated...

There's been a lot of talk over the past couple of weeks about the new Trey Parker and Matt Stone musical "The Book of Mormon". Having not seen the production, I decided writing an article on it would be difficult, so decided instead to test out my journalistic skills by interviewing a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, and asking for his opinion on the subject.

Ok, so that didn't exactly go according to plan, but that's ok, because I don't need to see a show to be able to review it. So, let's get on with: The Book of Mormon (P)review!

As we all know, Trey Parker has some seriously impressive musical credentials. Not only did he write some of the catchiest songs on the planet, but he was even nominated for an Oscar for the song "Blame Canada".

To put things in perspective, this means that Trey Parker has been nominated for more Oscars than SAM MOTHERFUCKING ROCKWELL. Now THAT's hardcore.

On top of this, we already know that Parker and Stone can handle the subject of religion with the utmost sensitivity...

And to add to this, they've even written a story in which the lead character was a Mormon before:

So they should be able to pull it off fairly successfully. In fact, they only problem I can see is that the guy playing the lead in the first run of the show looks a bit too Jewish to play a mormon...

Kidding. It's actually this guy:

And that's my (p)review. Lazy, I know, but fuck you - I don't get paid for doing this. There is, however, one more thing I wish to say about music before I finish, and that is: Everyone who is going on about "Surfing Bird" - Fuck you, shut the fuck up you fucking retards. If you haven't seen Full Metal Jacket, you don't deserve to even acknowledge the existence of that song, and I know less than 1% of you have seen it. In fact, you know what? If you haven't seen Full Metal Jacket yet, then you shouldn't even be on a Movie reviewing Blog. Just get out. Now.

But, you know, come back as soon as you've seen it so I don't lose pageviews.

Hey, and you know what? I'm not through with the music trends of today. So fuck it, this is becoming an article on things I hate about music right now. Family-Guy fans obsessing over what they call "Bird is the Word" (They can't even get the fucking name right!) comes in at #1, but that's not all that annoys me.

#2: Jessie J.

Jessie J became famous for being the singer all the websites and Radio DJs said would be "the next big thing" in the second half of last year - most of us had heard her name before she ever released a single because it was crammed down our throats constantly. When we did hear her debut single "Do it like a Dude", and saw the video to it, we all had basically the same reaction: "So, she's basically Lady Gaga, but English?". But that's not even what bothers me about her. What I hate is the song "Pricetag" - sure, it's catchy and the kids love it, but come on, it's such a ridiculous message: "We don't care about the money, money, money" - Yes, you fucking do! You saw Lady Gaga was popular for having the exact same stupid gimmicks you currently employ and decided to copy her whilst being weird was still the "in-thing". Be honest now, if you really aren't in it for the money, how come you didn't stay doing musicals in the West End? Now, don't get me wrong, I know plently of singers sell out and do more commercial songs (Katy Perry sang Gospel songs and the motherfucking Beatles were basically the original punk rock band), but they don't fucking sing about how they're not selling out, do they?!?!

Way Better than Jessie J. (Duh.)

#3 - Missing the point

I have two young cousins, one 12, and one 10, so I hear a lot about the bands which tweens think are cool these days (hence I know anything about Jessie J). One of the things they like is The Black Eyed Peas, and especially the song "Check it Out" by Cheryl Cole,, and Nicki Minaj. Now, whilst I could go for the standard "It's shitty and auto-tuned" approach, or "Oh, it's the video is Weaboo heaven, that must make it a good song, right?", I instead wanted to make a point about entirely missing the point.

You see, the song "Check it Out" samples the song "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles. For those of you unfamiliar with the song (PLAY VICE CITY YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!), there are only three lines you need to know:

"They Took the Credit for your Second Symphony
Rewritten by Machine and New Technology
And now I understand the problems you can see"

- The song is a fucking Critique of bands who take someone else's work, remix it, and use machines to make their own dreadful music sound half decent. In essence, the song Video Killed the Radio Star was written as a "fuck you" to bands like the Black Eyed Peas - why are you sampling a song from someone who hated people sampling their songs?!?!

Now I know what you're thinking: "But 'Video Killed the Radio Star' was recorded using the new machines and technology, and was designed as just a catchy pop song, so how can it be a critique of this?" and my response to you is "Have you never fucking heard American Pie by Don Mclean?"

NOT that American Pie... and Stop Masturbating before I post Goatse. Hah, now I've made you think of it. What, you're still going? That's not right, man...

American Pie was a song about how the good old Christian Values had disappeared from music after the death of Buddy Holly, and was replaced by the overly-sexual music of Elvis, and over-political music of Dylan. McLean was writing a song in the style of Bob Dylan as a critique of Dylan, as a means of showing that Good Old Fashioned values could be turned into a song the kids would enjoy. I love Dylan, and I love that song because it is very Dylan-esque, but the fact that it is written as a "fuck-you" to Bob Dylan did not escape me.

He would have the last laugh, though, because nobody can name more than 2 Don McLean songs...

This also makes it hilarious that Madonna would cover the song. Again, like the Black Eyed Peas, it seems she missed the point.

Of course, since she used to be relatively hot, we forgave her...

#4 - YouTube

Everyone keeps going on about this 'Friday' song, yet I haven't seen one auto-tuned remix of a Charlie Sheen interview. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Remember this guy? That's the potential I'm talking about here...

Or, to use the parlence of the internet;

Son, I Am Disappoint.

Great potential here, wasted. I miss the days of the Christian Bale rant, I tell you that right now...

Well, that's it for now - there's plenty of other shit goingon in the world that annoys me, but as you know, I'm lazy as fuck and can't be bothered to do anything about it. I'm debating whether to complete some of my half-finished reviews I've amassed since I started Blogging, but then again as they're generally the ones that were too shit to post at the time, that may not be such a good idea. Still, what else am I going to do with my life? Something Worthwhile?


Monday, 21 March 2011

Not a Real Blog Post (But too Long and Manly for Twitter (That's What She Said??? (No. Fuck You, that's not funny any more)))

I'm not entirely sure how this happened, but it seems that this month has been the site's most popular month yet, in spite of the fact I haven't really been posting anything. What's more, it doesn't seem to be due to people searching for things like "Lazy Town Porn" as it was with the December spike, but actually seems down to a couple of my articles being heavily circulated by people. The most searched for phrase which has brought people to the site this month was "Picture of a Leprechaun", which of course took people to the page for my Gnomeo and Juliet post. However, that article has only received 411 views so far this month, in contrast to the 3,500 odd views my Post-Christmas message about being pathetic on Facebook has garnered - which I thought was fairly impressive, given that in the other 2 months it was on the site, only 60-odd people actually viewed it. It seems, then, that this article, and my Science Corner one from around the same sort of time, have gone very slightly viral, drawing the most views without just turning up in people's Google searches, and I'm quite pleased with this. I hate when people are pathetic on Facebook, but dear God am I pathetic on Blogger - so, in short, thanks for the recognition, everyone who has been linking my articles and spreading the word - it's been fun.

Now, as you may remember from last year, this site sort of dies around March time, for unexplained reasons. Most of my favourtie articles from 2010 came from the period after I returned in April, and hopefully I'll be able to step my game up even further once I return this year. For now, however, I'm just going to write a short rant about a couple of things which are almost certainly of no interest to you, so feel free to go and watch Jesus vs The Zombie King instead.

...And this leads me into the first thing I want to rant about; YouTube. And Google. Why the fuck can I no longer access my YouTube account without a Google account? I'm sure you're all aware that, having a Blogger Account, I must also have my own Google account, so there shouldn't be a problem, right? Well, the problem arises in that I have more than one YouTube account. I have the account I set up in November which I featured my discussion on giving the right to vote to prisoners, and that remix of Cee-Lo Green which Gordon Ramsay sent me (I'm head of his fan club, incidentally), which I can still access fine since it is linked to this Google account. But I also have another account which I opened back in 2007, which featured a few of my older videos. For some reason, I now cannot access that old account without a Google account, in spite of the fact that I've been using it fine for the past 4 years without any problems. What's more, if you want to set up a new Google account, you have to give them your phone number. Why the fuck do we suddenly have this obsession with giving out phone numbers on the internet?

Google claims it's to make sure you're "not a robot", but if that's the case, then why do we still have those Captcha boxes where you have to strain to make out inappropriate phrases and type them into a box, unsure of whether they are case sensitive or not?

Another reason given (this time by Facebook) is "security". Well, anyone with half a brain could tell you that giving these companies more information to store online actually has the opposite effect of keeping your information "secure". For example, we all know how easily "security questions" can be foiled, so we don't use them. But passwords can still be cracked with relative ease by some of those 1337 motherfuckers out there on Computer Sciences III courses, and bearing that in mind, does it really make sense to give these companies your address and phone number? I actually once posted my Google Accounts password on this site (check back through my articles if you want it, I'm not giving it up without making you give me some more page views first!), because I'm not all that bothered if someone gets into this account (I use a different Password here to elsewhere). But if by hacking my account someone could gain access to my Address and Phone Number all of a sudden? Then suddenly it becomes a big fucking deal. Now, let's think about this in context - the simplest solution would be to not give out your password (duh), but then, should we really be posting information we wouldn't want people to know online even if we were confident our passwords were secure? Some would say yes. Chris Chan and Sarah Palin would beg to differ.

and no, 'Chris Chan' does not refer to THIS.

Now, obviously, the simplest solution would be to just buy a disposable SIM card to reactivate my account, then just chuck it. They're hardly going to need to verify it again, are they? And yet, can I really be bothered to go out and buy a new SIM card, and get a call from Google on it to verify that I am human and want to regain access to my YouTube account, when I could just bitch and moan about what cunts Google are on their own Blogging site instead?

This image is clearly the reason my Post-Christmas Blog post was so popular...

The other thing I wanted to bitch about is DVDs. In general. My brother bought a copy of The A-Team a couple of days ago, and I was considering whether or not to review it. However, despite the fact the thing was brand new and in a sealed package, it glitched to fuck about an hour into the film, and just wouldn't play any further. And this is not the only time I've had this happen. The exact same shit happened the other week when I was trying to watch Lord of War, though in that case, to add insult to injury, you couldn't fastforward through the fucking adverts, so I had to sit through them multiple times, just to see if I could skip a scene further on and avoid the glitchy sections (I couldn't).

What made the A-Team's glitchiness funny was the fact that at the start of the DVD, they had that shitty American Anti-piracy advert about "Bob and his friends are watching a real DVD, Jeff has invited his friends around to watch a pirate DVD" and ends with Jeff's friends all hating him and leaving because his DVD is such poor quality, whilst Bob and his friends have a great time, because theirs is real. So, if I should only avoid downloading movies because they are worse quality than real DVDs, then doesn't that mean if my Real DVD is shit quality I should just fucking Download everything instead? I mean, it's not as if Blu-Rays are any better than DVDs, they're basically the same fucking medium. So I guess I might as well stream films online. But since these can sometimes cut out, and you have to find them all over again (as happened when I tried to watch Requiem for a Dream on iPlayer), it doesn't make sense to pay for this service, as I'm getting fucked over if I pay to watch a film and it cuts out. So, I guess the only possible solution to this problem is illegal downloads. So fuck you, movie industry - I tried playing it your way, and you fucked me, so now I'm gonna play it my way. Fuck you.

And fuck her too?

...Aaaaaaaand that's about it for now, people. I'm working constantly at the moment (61 hours last week, plus coursework), so I don't know how often I'm going to be able to post, or even if I will be able to come up with interesting stuff to talk about, but keep checking in, and hopefully there'll be good times to come.