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Friday, 1 June 2012

An Official Apology

I said something in my discussion of Les Miserables (2012) that I deeply regret. No, I'm not referring to the fact that I would cast Roger Allam over the far superior singer Philip Quast, because I still maintain that Allam would be right for the part (though, you know, if they were going to insist on casting an Australian...). Nor am I referring to the fact I stated Lea Salonga was an inferior Eponine to Frances Ruffelle. Am I not referring, either, to the fact that I made a rather cruel fat joke about Adele without any provocation whatsoever. I'm not even referring to the fact that I suggest they make a movie about moot with Nick Jonas playing W.T. Snacks. No, the thing I regret saying is far, far more serious, and I only hope I can be forgiven.

In my review, I referred to Samantha Barks as "Kinda hot, in a British way". How stupid do I look after seeing the half-second clip of her in the teaser Trailer for the film that was released today?

We've had a few hot British girls who have done the rounds as the objects of male fantasies worldwide, from Kiera Knightly to Emma Watson to Carey Mulligan, and I'm officially calling it now: Samantha Barks is next. The girl is absolutely gorgeous. Now I'm torn between which member of the Les Mis cast I'd have sex with if given the choice - because I might actually be tempted to pick Ms Barks over Hadley Fraser...

I think I'd shag Hadley, marry Sam, and go on the Cruise with Ramin... And yes, I am aware the whole point of that game is that someone else picks the people in question, but fuck you, because that someone is Cameron Mackintosh.

Of course, maybe she's not that attractive and it's all down to the fact that I haven't fapped in 37 days now (don't ask) and find every moderately pretty woman obscenely attractive - but I doubt it. After all, I didn't start drooling at the sight of her American co-stars (which is especially odd, since I always used to find Anne Hathaway attractive when she was younger. Maybe my subconscious is making her appear ugly so when she helps destroy the batman franchise I won't mind so much? Not that Nolan needs much help, mind you, given his obsession with bad twist endings...). But whatever the reason, it's irrelevant. This scene is going to be even better than the rainy scene in Spiderman, and I'm actually planning on catching the movie now solely because of this. Oh, and the fact that I'll get to hear Hadley Fraser's sexy voice as the National Guard...

I'm sure he's already regretting putting his personal email address on his website... and, you know, publishing exactly where he's going to be every weeknight until June 16th...

On another note, I should probably apologize for suggesting in my Blade Runner blog post that Zhora was the Pleasure Model of replicant, when in fact it was Pris that was the Pleasure Model. Thank you to "Anonymous" for pointing this out to me - I guess I need to watch the fucking movie again.

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