Search for the Most Beautiful Tweet... with Stephen Fry! Well, not really - but how else am I gonna get people to read this crap? (text)

So I hear that Stephen Fry is looking for “the most beautiful Tweet ever written”; which he intends to announce on the 6th July, for some reason. Being the helpful guy that I am, and knowing that Stephen Fry is best mates with my hero Hugh Laurie, and will possibly introduce us if I help him out, I decided to make life for Stephen a lot easier, and combed Twitter to find the most interesting and revealing Tweets that celebrities have uploaded over the past year that I could. I’ll let the results speak for themselves, but I’d be very surprised if one of these <140 character goldmines didn’t win the grand prize.



Alec Baldwin:

“Spent the afternoon at Rosie Arquette’s picnic. Was flirting with sister Alexi for well over an hour. Wish someone had told me shes a tranny”


James Woods:

“At poker game with Heather Graham. Just saw her using Blackberry. Tweeted she has a straight flush – time to fold! poker FAIL! Lololool”


Terry O’Quinn:

“People going crazy about Lost finale - Hope its raised profile enough we can make MillenniuM film. If Lance isn’t too busy doing Cody Banks”


Lance Henriksen @ Terry O’Quinn:

“Tezza, your Tweet makes it sound like Frankie Muniz and I are gay lovers. I know there’s a character limit, but still… p.s. Lost was sick!”


Russell Brand:

“Why is it people keep asking me if I realize Katy looks like a blowup doll? Hello – why do you think I started dating her in the 1st place?”


David Cameron:

“All this additional security is so unnecessary – I mean, who would want to kill me? The idea is absurd… I’m ordering my escort off. Toodles!”


Nick Clegg:

“Anyone here know where I can get Hydrogen Peroxide, Ammonium Sulphide, BBs and Polystyrene at short notice? Art project for the kids school…”


David Bowie:

“What’s with all the people saying Christina and Fergie stole Lady GaGa’s style? Its my fucking style! Young people should burn! Also I’m Bi.”


Steven Seagal:

“You believe they cut my scene out Expendables just cos I had sex slaves? Still, better than Snipes – they cut him out cos hes black. No Joke”


Wesley Snipes @ Sylvester Stallone:

“What the fuck do you mean you cut me out cos I’m a brother? How could you not have known that before filming started? Cracker-ass mothafucka”


Sylvester Stallone @ Dolph Lundgren:

“I think their onto us – they know we cut Wes out the film for being black – we cant keep our plan for a master race under wraps much longer!”


Dolph Lundgren @ Sylvester Stallone:

“Hey Sly, I think you meant to send that message to Arnold. No harm done, though – I’ll just link him. Also, it’s “They’re”. Regards. Dolph.”


Sylvester Stallone @ Dolph Lundgren:

“My bad, man. I’m sorry – it’s just all you Germans look alike to me. Maybe you should always stand on one side of another like Ant and Dec?”


Dolph Lundgren @ Sylvester Stallone:

“Arnold’s Austrian, and I’m Swedish. And what are you doing watching Ant and Dec, anyway?”


Sylvester Stallone @ Dolph Lundgren:

“Arnold isn’t Austrian. What are you talking about? I’ve never once heard him say “throw a couple shrimp on the Barbie” – He’s blates German!”


Jason Statham @ Sylvester Stallone:

“ **** FACEPALM **** ”


Justin Bieber @ Sylvester Stallone:

“What’s German? We don’t use that word in America.”


Dolph Lundgren @ Justin Bieber:

“ **** FACEPALM **** ”


Jay Z @ Justin Bieber:

“I got 99 problems and Justin Bieber ain’t one - cos hes a Bitch. How the fuck do you not know what German is? You never listen to Rammstein?”


RZA @ Jay Z:

“Dude, WTF?”


Miley Cyrus @ Justin Bieber:

“OMG! U r sooo dumb! That’s sooo cuuuutttteeee!!!!! <33333333333333 :)))) LOOOOVE YOU BIEBS!!!!! Hav u heard my new song? Its like OMGosh! <3


Sylvester Stallone @ Miley Cyrus:

“Miley, please don’t post comments like that on my wall. Stick to uploading half-naked pictures of yourself instead. We can all enjoy those!”


Miley Cyrus @ Sylvester Stallone:

“OMG! Sorry Sly! Totes 4t I was writing on Beebs’s wall – SOOOOOOO EMBARRASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333333333 LUV U SLY!!!!! <3333333333”


Dappy:

M8 IZ A GANGSTA FUCK DA PO-POS ELSE IZ GUN SHOOT DEM NIGGAZ WHUT! NDUBZ IZ PLAYIN BUTLINZ 2MORRA NITE B VER! REPPIN UP DA AFFENZ MASSIV BOI!


Voice From the Pillow @ Dappy:

“Why won’t you fucking Die already?”


Hugh Grant @ Alec Baldwin:

“Wow, wish I’d read your Tweet an hour ago, Alec… Boy, this is awkward…”


Seth MacFarlene @ Hugh Grant:

“Now you know how that guy who plays Ferris Bueller felt when he was on his Honeymoon with Sarah Jessica Parker!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!”


Hugh Grant @ Seth MacFarlene:

“I didn’t know John Cussack was married to Sarah Jessica Parker! How Quaint! Must remember that one for my Christmas card list! Thanks, Seth!


Mathew Brodderick @ Hugh Grant & Seth MacFarlene:

“Fuck you guys.”


Trey Parker @ Seth MacFarlene:

“Find some new material you talentless dick! Sarah Jessica Parker is amazing! She used to date Robert Downey, jr - Something you’ll never do!”


Matt Stone @ Trey Parker:

“Dude, WTF?”


Robert Downey, jr. @ Trey Parker:

“ **** FACEPALM **** ”


Jude Law @ Robert Downey, jr.:

“Uh, Robert – adding a Facepalm after that comment makes it looks as though Trey’s comment was dumb because you ARE seeing Seth MacFarlene…”


Robert Downey, jr. @ Jude Law:

“…”


Jude Law @ Robert Downey, jr:

“How Could You?!?!?!”


Joseph Fiennes @ Jude Law:

How could YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!”


Jude Law @ Joseph Fiennes:

“It told you Joseph! Its over between us! Has been for some time now! You need to move on! John loves you, why cant you love him as deserves?”


John Cho @ Joseph Fiennes:

“HOW COULD YOU!?!??! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL! BUT NOW I SEE ALL YOU WANT IS JUDE! ALL YOU’VE EVER WANTED IS JUDE! I’M LEAVING YOU!”


Kal Penn @ John Cho:

“You didnt need that Bastard anyway, John! You’re too good for him! You deserve someone better! Someone caring! Someone Warm! Someone Indian?”


Voice From the Pillow:

“Are there any celebrities on here who aren’t gay? Other than Bowie.”


Stephen Fry @ Voice From the Pillow:

“Stupid question. Why do you think I’ve become known as the great British pioneer of this site? It’s just a more subtle version of Gaydar…”


Alan Davies @ Stephen Fry:

“Really? Must not have got that memo…”


Stephen Fry @ Alan Davies:

“Don’t pretend, Alan! Stop denying what you truly are to the world!”


Alan Davies @ Stephen Fry:

“Jewish?”


Stephen Fry @ Alan Davies:

“Well played, sir…”


Samantha Cameron @ Voice From the Pillow

“David isn’t gay…”


David Cameron @ Samantha Cameron:

"Uh... Honey? We need to talk..."


Elton John @ David Cameron:

"Uh-oh! Busted!"


Samantha Cameron @ David Cameron:

"Wait! This could still be a good thing! Imagine how famous I'll become - being the wife of the first ever gay prime minister!"


Benjamin Disraeli @ Samantha Cameron:

"Yeah, about that..."


Mark Thatcher @ Benjamin Disraeli:

"Aren't you dead?"


Benjamin Disraeli @ Mark Thatcher:

"Aren't you a douchebag?"


William Gladstone @ Benjamin Disraeli:

"Well played, Benny!"


Nick Clegg

"Hey guys, forget my last post - now I need to know how to hook up a radio detonator to a mobile phone. Sciene fair project..."


Dappy @ Nick Clegg

M8 I NO DAT SHIT COS IZ GANG$TA! TXT ME, YE? IZ GUNA SHOW U ALL DAT SHIT BRA!


Nick Clegg @ Dappy:

Fuck off, retard.


Voice From the Pillow @ Nick Clegg:

"Oh man, now you're making me feel bad I didn't vote for you..."


Nick Clegg @ Voice From the Pillow:

"Don't worry, Voice - I'm sure my time as Prime Minister will come soon enough... ;) "


David Cameron:

Ooh! Someone's left a new radio in my office! Smells a bit like hydrogen peroxide. May phone security on my mobile to check it over. JIC."





There you have it - a day in the life of Twitter! And you have no idea how hard it was getting all of these shorter than 140 characters! For the people who wrote them, I mean. I just found them...


Voice