Search This Blog

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Election Result Live Blogging

Well, I decided to try and LievBlog the election tonight. Ed was unavailable, because being the tard he is, never has his phone on, and almost everyone else I know has too much of a life to do something so dull. Except Toby - The Scottish Powerlifting Monster - who is joining me. So, enjoy as we offer our perspectives on the counting of the Ballotts!

Voice 22:46 - who are all these people in the background counting the votes? Are they just random people who volunteer to come in and count the votes? I remember when my brother was running in our school elections, and his class were counting the votes - they cheated like anything, and got his party to win, when on figures they lost! Could happen here, too...

Voice 22:47 - Ha! That's my constituency back home! Adrian Sanders - I know that guy... Well, I say KNOW, ifI actually knew him, I probably would have vote for him!

Voice 22:53, Houghton and Sunderland - 19,000 votes to Labour vs Tories 8,000? Damn, that's a big victory! I had no idea this many people voted in each constituency! And She's down 10%??? INSANE!

Toby 22:54 - why are they cheering so much, it was obvious that labour where gonna win sunderland - its the north...

Voice 22:57 - 55% Turnout is LOW? My God, I thought only about 20% of people voted - guess I'm in the minority...

Toby 22:58 - You didn't Vote?

Voice 22:58 - nope

Toby 22:58 - lol

Voice 22:59 - Who did you vote for?

Toby 22:59 - lib dems(go ahead, throw your vote away). they are doing better than i expected tbh

Voice 23:00 - fair enough. I did consider voting, but couldn't be bothered in the end
all as bad as each other, really...

Toby 23:01 - yeah I voted for clegg because he kinda has a chance of doing something and he isnt gordon brown or david cameron.

Toby 23:02 - You watching on BBC parliament, or on real TV?

Voice 23:02 - iPlayer

Toby 23:03 - a whole fucking vote counted allready


fuck yeah

dat clyde

Toby 23:04 - the glasgow central MP is a muslim -first MP to swear his oath by the quaran and shit, and theres loads of muslims here, and they are the kinda people who ALL vote. and they wont even read the fucking things, just vote for a muslim

Voice 23:05 - huh, i'd never realised there were muslims in glasgow - i figured it was like devon...

Toby 23:05 - tehres a big mosque and shit man - they are everywhere

Voice 23:06 no hung parliament, huh? well, he is from oxford - obviously gonna go on about how great tories are

Toby 23:07 - ?

was getting pizza

Voice 23:07 - oh, just some Oxford professor dude saying tories will win at this rate

Toby 23:08 - they wont win -they will get the most seats, but not a big enough majority.

Toby 23:08 - *imo

Toby 23:09 - i like the way that the "greenest" constituancy in the UK is a lib dem one currently and not green party

Voice 23:10 - lol! That's fantastic!

Toby 23:10 - its teignbridge btw - at least it was last year. they had the highest rate of recycling of any in the country lool

Voice 23:10 - really? With that many chavs in Plainmoor?

Toby 23:11 - lol - they had a fucking huge thing about it, fineing people. Are you in teignbridge at home or the next one on, south hams? maybe? fuck knows...

Voice 23:11 - i'm in teignbridge, yeah

Toby 23:12 - apparently there was a white car driving around town all day with the BNP logo on the side playing rule britannia

Voice 23:12 - LMAO!!! Epic

Voice 23:12 - that bitch is so fucking sexist! I should slap her

Toby 23:13 - some old woman gave me a green party flier when i was in the polling station.

Toby 23:14 - our quote of the week was one flamtate taking the piss out of the other
- "mark knows so little about politics that he thinks gordon brown is a shade of paint".

Voice 23:14 - lol

Toby 23:15 - fuck yeah!
someone who knows what he is talking about

Voice 23:15 - Ian Hislop? Legend!

Toby 23:16 - haha fuck yeah! he got her telt.
Dom joly! the fuck?
john cleese voted lib dem, therefore it is the right choice. fucking love dom joly -why is he here?

Voice 23:16 - the fuck was that? Just cut out.

Toby 23:17 - he mentioned the old lib dem leader, so got cut off. simple as lol

Toby 23:17 - i am quite impressed, the only people who actually asked me to vote for them on the street where the green party - and i live in a fucking city centre...

Voice 23:18 - whoa! Dominoes! They should play bones to decide who is the next PM

Toby 23:19 - wow we know about that CGI - that green screen

Voice 23:19 - lol, they sure do...

Toby 23:20 - best party on my ballot paper was the pirate party - havent even fucking heard of them man

Voice 23:20 - I saw their page on Facebook. Don't really know what they stand for. Plundering, I guess... and parrots.

Voice 23:21 - 2:30? Fuck, this is gonna be a long night!

Toby 23:22 - they want to stop interent stuff like let people download everything freely and shit, but they have other policies - they will never become anything man

Voice 23:23 - what do you expect, they're called the 'Pirate Party'.

Toby 23:23 - you know like
*ffs i forgot what i was thinking
*the BNP manifesto - the word count breakdown is hillarious

Voice 23:23 - let's hear it.

Toby 23:24 - trying to find it...

Toby 23:24 -

Voice 23:25 - lol! Epic!

Voice 23:25 - Ooh! A sit in?

Toby 23:26 - the fuck is a sit in? sounds like peaceful protest to me

Voice 23:26 - Labour again - obviosuly! still in sunderland...

Toby 23:27 - she looks like a fuckin ewok or something

Toby 23:27 - haha! BNP get boo'd!

Toby 23:28 - labour are obviously gonna win the north east - they allways fuckin do...

Voice 23:29 - David Cameron requires a Huge swing, huh?
"This is the largest Swing we're seen since 1945".
What's with all the cock references?

Toby 23:30 - lol - swing is bullshit anyway man. who cares what the swing is?conservitive didnt win the seat, so why bother with it?

Voice 23:30 - reporters trying to fill the time before results are released...

Toby 23:31 - yeah
*what was that bitch called that iddnt shut up
*and is annoying as fuck

Voice 23:31 - i dunno. more description, please!

Sarah Palin?

Toby 23:32 - the one ian hislop talked over

Voice 23:32 - I don't recall...

Voice 23:34 - dude won't shut up, lol

Toby 23:36 - if people voted for who they actually wanted to
*lib dems would do better
*loads of people i know are voteing conservative becuase they wanted change but lib dems didnt stand a chance of winning
*loads of people have that view, meaning lib dems get fucked and conservatives get boosted up...

Voice 23:36 - yeah, but to be fair, they were never going to win anyway

Toby 23:37 - yeah but if everyone thinks that they will never go nywherem, wheras if people vote for them, more and more will eventually when they realise that conservatives are retards too

Voice 23:37 - lol, but that will take about 5 elections for people to cotton on - maybe this is the first one, and will lead the way for future elections...

Toby 23:38 - yeah, but thats how it works

Voice 23:39 - this chick seems to think tories have a chance in sunderland central

Toby 23:39 - lol fuck off- they have the other sunderland ones, whats gonna change it here?

Voice 23:39 - lol - cut that bitch off too! shoulda shut her mouth!

Toby 23:40 - bitch got cut off

Toby 23:42 - lol thats not bad - lol ukip!

Voice 23:42 - closer than the others

Toby 23:43 - yeah... lib dems did well there.
*i heard 20,000 not 12,000 at first

Voice 23:43 - they wish!

Toby 23:44 - oh i bet she was

Voice 23:44 - I dunno, 1,900 people voting BNP is still quite a lot

Toby 23:45 - yeah.
So if conservatives "win", but its a hung parlament, david cameron becomes PM, but doesnt have majority in house of commons?

Voice 23:46 - i believe that's the case, yes

Toby 23:47 - "a selection of people" is bullshit...

Voice 23:48 - fuck does harriot harmon know about if they have a legitimate legal challenge?that's up to the courts, surely.

Toby 23:48 - someone told her in her in her ear piece

Voice 23:48 - should have got there earlier if it meant so much to them...

Toby 23:49 - yeah, i went at like 2. me and my flamtates where only people apart from one other guy who was leaving as we went in.

Toby 23:49 - ukip... hes not gonna win it anyway

Voice 23:50 - lol - Dimbleby just dissed Griffin! Whoooaaa!!!!

Toby 23:50 - BNP need a new slogan man
yeah BNP should change their slogan to "If they're black, send em back" - for comedy value...

Toby 23:51 - fucking students

Voice 23:52 - lol, that guy sounded like Richard hammond...

Toby 23:52 - this is hillarious

Voice 23:53 - the plane crash? you're a sick man, my friend...

Toby 23:53 - its still hillarious - not that it was a plane crash, that it happened when he was pulling a UKIP banner behind it

Toby 23:55 - he has it right man - too early to say, so stop doing it

Voice 23:56 - oh, diss! Pull out Milliband just when he's bitching about labour!

Toby 23:57 - this program needs more thatcher

Voice 23:57 - lol, more mark thatcher, trying to spark a revolution in central sunderland...

Toby 23:58 - should bring ian hislop back on
*think he got thrown out

Voice 23:58 - LMAO! I bet he did
*he's always being sued...

Toby 23:58 - becuase he says what he actually thinks. yeah

Voice 23:59 - doubt there'll be a difference of less than 600, tbh

Toby 23:59 - i bet john smith was on the list man

Voice 00:00 - he musta been pissed off dimbleby just told everyone he didn't vote...

Toby 00:00 - lol

Voice 00:00 - it's a new day, man! No way those mofos can vote now!

Toby 00:01 - lol

Voice 00:02 - last couple of days isn't really enough in my books - look at the preceding 3 years, people!

Toby 00:03 - good old herbert

Voice 00:04 - John Major!!!! lol!!!!

Toby 00:05 - it doesnt fucking matter who wins - if they dont reform the house of lords

Voice 00:05 - i dunno, house of lords has less power than it used to - it can no longer block bills, only delay them.

Toby 00:06 - Still, people should be elected to run the country in any way.

Voice 00:07 - an elected queen is an amusing concept. I like your style, man

Toby 00:07 - neh, not that - because she has like NO power

Voice 00:07 - NO real power, no, but all the theoretical power in the world

Toby 00:08 - theoretical power is useless - and shes german

Voice 00:08 - i'm part german you bastard!

Toby 00:09 - i didnt say it was a bad thing man
*(i hinted)

Toby 00:10 - then she should've stayed in the queue at 6, stupid bitch

Voice 00:10 - yeah, true that. people are so fucking impatient, then bitch too much over nothing

Toby 00:10 - if it means THAT much to them, then queue for it

Voice 00:11 - lol - i would laugh if cameron won the general election, but lost his own seat

Toby 00:12 - lol
arent there local electiosn going on too, on a differnet ballot paper?
*so like labour could win local, but conservatives overall or some stupid shit
*in theory

Voice 00:12 - David Starkey! I remember reading his stuff in A level history - think he teaches at Exeter...

Toby 00:13 - joan collins... shes like fucking plastic

Toby 00:14 - obviously shes fucking happy

Voice 00:15 - ARMANDO IANNUCCI!!!!!


In the Loop was awesome

Toby 00:16 - lol

Voice 00:16 - Have you seen it?

Voice 00:16 - a presidential look?

he's not running for fucking president!

Toby 00:17 - dude, she should fuck off
*and guard her gold

Toby 00:17 - fuck yeah jeremy paxman! did you watch his gordon brown interview?
*was hillarious

Voice 00:17 - 'fraid i didn't, no

Toby 00:18 - so... what? gordon brown stays in?
*i am confused now

Voice 00:19 - I dunno. I'm hoping they all just get blown up...

Voice 00:19 - I hope they bring Boris Johnson on soon...

Voice 00:22 - lol, they're still ranting about the exit poll...

Voice 00:26 - I love how they're commenting on Twitter at the moment - READ THIS QUOTE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!

Voice 00:27 - Buckinghamshire vote coming soon, is it? Nope, not seen the Dolphin campaign. "you may have seen this"? It's a local fucking seat! No-one outside of Buckinghamshire's seen it!

Voice 00:30 - Leader of the greens? Had to be standing in Brighton, really...

Voice 00:31 - If people I'd promised I would vote for called me to make me go out, I would intentionally vote against them! Actually, I probably wouldn't have voted anyway...

Voice 00:32 - Cameron stopping off in a pub? Getting ready for when he takes over as PM, and realises how awful his inheritance is...

Voice 00:34 – The Queen isn’t seeing anyone until after lunch? Are the results all going to be in by then?

Voice 00:37 – Man, Dimbleby’s got a hard-on for these constituencies without enough Ballot papers, hasn’t he?

I think Toby’s gone...

00:40 – Dimbleby’s microphone’s broken – he sounds like “Big Brother” – watching us all...

00:41 – 5 declerations now! Oh, but it’s Ireland, and Sinn Fein have one. Well, not gonna affect me – not as if they could ever get into power over here.

Toby 00:41 - was away for a while. yeah bring on boris

00:42 - I noticed. Are you listening to this cunt?
fuck her - I'd like to see her do that job


Voice 00:43 – I can see that “Here, Here” being parodied by John Stewart...

Toby 00:44 - who won 4th seat?

Voice 00:44 – Sinn Fein – Ireland

Toby 00:45 – Thought they were 5th – or was that 4th and 5th?

Voice 00:46 - dunno, was probably getting water/taking piss

Toby 00:46 – Damn, I thought he was gonna say Thatcher

Voice 00:47 – lol, fascist/Thatcher – same thing.

Voice 00:48 - Lib Dems want to keep Brown in a Hung Parliament? You What?

Toby 00:48 - prefer brown to Cameron

Voice 00:48 - FUCK ME! I wish they wouldn’t cough straight into the microphones!

Voice 00:50 - I missed who won - my computer's crashing loads and glitching... I can't even watch any more, I just have audio now.

Voice 00:52 - lib dem allied party won the one in Ireland

Voice 00:52 – quote of the hour: “Gordon’s not Televisual”

Toby 00:53 - lol

Voice 00:54 - Eddie Izzard ban burgers? He's fatter than I am! even after his 40-odd marathons...

Toby 00:55 – lol

Toby 00:55 – seriously, this guy – “they dont have over 50%, but if you add the other 2 major parties together, they do”

Voice 00:55 - lol - now that's a slightly retarded comment. I think he's just saying we're looking at a hung parliament.
Toby 00:56 - yeah lol
*south Yorkshire? on the map that was fucking Oxfordshire!

Voice 00:57 - LMAO!

Toby 00:57 – lol he is Irish

Voice 00:58 – what’s with this Irish bomb threat, anyway? I thought it was only Muslims trying to blow us up nowadays?

Voice 00:59 - Bloody Swing again!

Voice 00:59 - Wow, Cameron wasn’t in the pub long, was he? Just there for appearances, I suppose...

Toby 01:00 – lol – if he didn’t have a pint he is a faggot - and if he had a half, its worse than having nothing at all

Voice 01:01 - lol, i used to have halfs quite a bit, back in the day

Toby 01:01 – only excuse is if you have to drive

Voice 01:02 – which I always did ;)

Voice 01:02 - reckon the Tories will get ANY of those scottish seats they're after?

Voice – 01:03 – fucking bankers.

Toby 01:03 – 1 or 2. lib dems seem bigger up here

Voice 01:03 – Whoaaa!!!!! Conservatives won a seat! And he thanked U2!

Toby 01:04 - lol

Voice 01:05 - i liked how he also thanked the polling officer - reckon he bribed him for a majority...

Voice 01:06 - I miss being able to watch the compute graphics :( I can hear them coming up, but i can't see them!

Voice 01:07 - why is Baslidon so Iconic? am I missing something?

Toby 01:08 - was away
*making some pizza

Voice 01:08 – I want pizza :(

Toby 01:08 - mini microwave pizza - they are nice and cook fast as fuck

Toby 01:09 – haha "your poll is rubbish"
*fuck yeah Torbay!

Voice 01:10 - FUCK YEAH!

Toby 01:10 - lol under 500 votes!! That’s poor...

Voice 01:10 - stupid BNP - racists will never vote for a woman, they're all sexist, too.

Toby 01:11 lib dems have that then
*65% turnout - thats impressive

Voice 01:11 - 36 rejected? Wonder why?

Toby 01:12 - one had 120 rejected
if its not a clear X on what you want its rejected, or if its a circle or some shit then its rejected. big thing in our polling station. or if its not clearly in a box, or more than one - shit like that.

*there are some retards around...

Voice 01:15 – and another Tory seat...

Toby 01:17 - that was like a 15k majority lol
*ah, 14,300

Toby 01:18 – that’s one big swingometer

Voice 01:18 – I can’t see it!!!! :(

Toby 01:18 - its a big green screened thing
*lol - did he just say charley murphey?

Voice 01:18 – Probably. Ok, I’m gonna restart the Brower. Keep me informed.

Toby 01:20 – k - labour currently have 10, conservatives 4, lib dem 2, 7 random other shite

Toby 01:23 - come on, hope gordon brown looses his one! he wont but it will be hilarious

Voice 01:23 - is it his seat?

Toby 01:23 – Kirkcaldy

Voice 01:23 – that would make my day...

Toby 01:24 - its just showing him walking around

Toby 01:26 - wales result

Toby 01:26 - and another

Toby 01:27 -and another for the random welsh one

Voice 01:27 – Plaid Cymru?

Toby 01:28 – Yeah. Isn’t that just the welsh version of the SNP?

Voice 01:28 – I believe so, yes.

Toby 01:29 - SNP is weird - they get in, what do they do - make scotland an independant country
*then they are governing a country that isnt their own
Also if scotland became properly independant, they would be fucked

Voice 01:30 – yeah, it is kinda odd...

Toby 01:30 - obviously only people in scotland can vote for them

Toby 01:31 - lib dems keep fife

Toby 01:31 - duhram
*labour keep it, lib dems second
*not working yet?

Voice 01:31 – nope, I told you – it’ll take about 10 minutes

Toby 01:32 - wait, they changed their mind. they misread that shit, waiting for them to talk...

Toby 01:33
labour have had it since the 40's or some shit.
*labour 20,000
*UKIP 850
Meh - they stopped half way through to go to Kirkcaldy.
*UKIP 760
*Gordon brown 29,500
*SNP 6000
*land is power - 57
*2 independant guys with 150
*lib dems 4500
*conservatives 4200

Voice 01:34 - who are land is power?

Toby 01:35 - fuck knows. local party... there where like 2 independant ones too.

Voice 01:36 – I don’t think this is going to work. I may just give up... I’m going to try and get Freewire up.

Toby 01:37 - gordon brown wont shut up
*fucking... still going!
Labour got 19 now.
5 mins or so now

Voice 01:39 – YES! Got Freewire working! Just as Gordon Brown finished his speech!

Toby 01:39 – nice. He was going on for ages.
*obv they all do it, but the party leaders wont get cut off.

Voice 01:42 - Internet just started working – MSN lists labour at 10, conservatives at 4. I thought you said labour had 19? I would check myself, but I only have the “change” stats up...

Toby 01:42 - there are loads more coming in, but they dont care.

*labour have 21
*conservatives 5
*lib dem 4

Voice 01:42 – fucking MSN.

Toby 01:43 - they are talking shit when votes are coming in - this is pissing me off!

*22/9 now

Toby 01:44 - lol tooting. Yours working yet?

Voice 01:45 - yeah, it is thanks. Got to see the swing graph

Toby 01:45 - 24/9 now

Toby 01:46 – haha - the christian party!

Voice 01:46 - LMAO!!!! Yes we Khan! Yes we Khan! Retards...

Toby 01:47 - 69% turnout - holy shit!

Toby 01:48 – tooting – shit’s hillarious

Voice 01:48 - I concur.
it MAY be because of the minority vote?

Toby 01:49 - neh
well to an extent. obvi they get the minority vote becasue they always vote for people from their own minority community no matter what their policies are
*completely blindly

Voice 01:50 – How racist of them.

Voice 01:53 – 57 declarations in now? Impressive. Only 593 to go!

Voice 01:56 - 30/14/4/11. Interesting. And the pound is up a Cent against the Dollar! Woooooo!

Voice 01:58 – lol – graphics confusion! Bilberry Gwent (or whatever) is apparently Newbury! 2nd time that’s happened – I bet the animators are just screwing with Dimbleby...

Voice 01:59 - The Tories are performing worse in Wales and Scottland? Never! Lol – who hires these guys?

Voice 02:00 - Kirstie Allsop’s such a posh slut – I’d do her. That's a reference to the sexism and racism thing before, btw. Don't sue me! But I totally would...
And the dude from “in the loop!” awesome! And Shapi Korsandi‘s there – wow, three people I actually recognise!

Toby 2:02 – lol – ALBATROSS!

Voice 02:02 - Nick Clegg’s nose looks like a penis in that picture.

Voice 02:03 – EXETER!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!

Toby 02:04 - its amazing how the vote changes so much between exeter and Torbay

Voice 02:04 - yeah, I know. Bizarre

Voice 02:04 – Well, you can’t beat a gay guy in Exeter. It’s the Brighton of Devon.

Toby 02:05 - there was conservative things ALL OVER Exeter

Voice 02:06 – well, if it was guaranteed, they wouldn’t need such aggressive campaigning, would they?

Toby 02:07 - fair point

Voice 02:09 - I keep expecting them to shout “Free Bird!” the way they’re all cheering like a crowd at a rock show.

Toby 02:10 – lol - someone did that when i went to see stephen lynch

Toby 02:10 – Loughborough – Fuck Yeah!

Voice 02:14 - “How many times have we heard that?” – too true, my son.

Voice 02:16 - Recount in Broxtowe! Ha! Recounts are for squares – just roll with the first answer regardless!

Voice 02:24 – DAAAAAAAMMMN! Lembit Opik just got Prawned! Girl on the left looked alright.

Voice 02:25 You’re right, Dimbleby – very confusing. And late – I think I’m gonna call it a night, everyone (seen Toby seems to have left some time ago)! Have a good night – and I hope whoever you voted for gets in. Unless they’re cock. Which they are, because they’re politicians. Later, dudes!

1 comment:

  1. The best part of this is that Adrian Sanders is not in my constituency, he's in the constituency my old school was in - so I couldn't have voted for him anyway. I don't even know who my MP is - how quaint.