The 8 Best Internet Comedy Songs (that I've found so far) - (Text... but with videos)

Continuing the theme of lists discussing music...

Ah, the internet – some argue that it only exists for porn, others just use it for Warcraft. But some of us use it as a means of getting our hilarious videos to the masses, through sites such as YouTube, Google, or Digg. There are a lot of videos out there, pertaining to various subjects – copyright infringement, racism, and having an incredibly annoying voice – but the one I’m going to pick up on today is Internet Comedy Music Videos & Songs. Before anyone screams about the fact that “The lonely Island” or “Chocolate Rain” or “Ken Kaniff” aren’t on here – allow me to just explain my ground rules in choosing this list: They must all be amateur videos, no professional studio work. They must also have been intended as comedic songs, and not just songs that were meant to be serious but turned out funny (looking at you, Chocolate Rain! (you too, El Mundo!)). They cannot have been written with the intent of being included on an actual album, either – So Aristotle is out, as are Remy’s later songs (though you will notice I included one of his earlier songs in the list). With these restrictions in mind, I give you my list of the 8 Best Internet Comedy Songs that I’ve Found So Far:


so, getting the most immature (yet brilliant) stuff out the way first...

#8. Look into my Eyes while I Masturbate – Bart Baker

The Lonely Island get a lot of credit for their song “Jizz in my Pants” – but that was a professionally produced, well-financed video which starred Justin Timberlake and Meadow Soprano! As far as I’m concerned, no studio video can ever be classed as being a true “internet video”, and therefore it didn’t make the list. In its place, however, is a song on a vaguely similar theme – Bart Baker’s “Look into my Eyes while I Masturbate”



The song is set in the distant future year “2010” - bear in mind it was made in January 2009 – in which “Robots have taken over the world, and unfortunately: destroyed all the girls?”. It is the simple tale of two best friends living in cyber-space, unaware of the horrors the robots are performing, harvesting humans in a manner similar to that depicted in “The Matrix”, because the male humans are all too busy watching the reams and reams of internet porn their consciousness still has access to.

It’s an amusing concept, and given the obviously low budget (judging from the inflatable Bobba Fett Jetpack) is executed incredibly well. My green-screening never looks anywhere near that impressive, and I don’t even own a Guit-Board, so that alone earns these guys my undying respect. Plus the ending’s hilarious.


#7. Blame Halo 3 – James at War



Spoofs are always fun – Weird Al’s usually good for a laugh – but often YouTube loses sight of what’s really important when making a parody, and we wind up with a hundred awful parodies of “On a Boat” – A parody itself (See Michael Swaim’s work for Cracked TV on this – just so I don’t get accused of plagiarism!) How nice, therefore, to have a genuinely good home-made parody of a song that was popular when this video was made. James at War hilariously changes the lyrics of Akon’s “Blame it on Me” to tell the story of a relationship left in ruins all because of Halo 3. Not owning an Xbox myself, I have not fully experienced the alleged addictiveness of this game. However, I have inferred from the comments left on the video’s YouTube page that Halo addiction is very serious, and that this song is a very true-to-life representation of the dangers of Halo 3.


#6. All My Shootings Be Drive-Bys – MC Hawking



Perhaps an unconventional choice, Given I’m listing an MC Hawking song, but this one is definitely good for a laugh. Whilst other MC Hawking songs such as “What we need more of is science” and “fuck the creationists” are perhaps more intelligent, containing critical analyses of Evangelist beliefs on a scale Richard Dawkins would be proud of, I still can’t get over the hilarity of the concept that Stephen Hawking is a Gang Banger who rolls on “MIT punks” with his AK. Lines like “time to give a Newtonian demonstration of a bullet, its mass, and its acceleration” are incredible, combining scientific theory with rap music about drive bys, and having a “Stephen Hawking” voice machine read it off. Apparently they sent Mr Hawking a copy of the album (A Brief History of Rhyme), and he found it amusing enough to agree to let them put his name on it, so no need to feel bad about that, either. This may deserve to rank higher, but without a video to go with it, I’m afraid it is forever relegated to 6th position, left in the shadow of greats such as:


#5. Saturday Morning Watchmen – Harry Partridge



Wow. Just… wow. This video is absolutely outstanding. Harry Partridge manages to combine the characters from Alan Moore’s Watchmen with the stylings of 80s kids TV shows to make one of the most hilarious parodies on the internet. It’s a testament to Mr. Partridge’s video making abilities that a large number of commenters on his YouTube page seem to be under the impression that this video is the opening from a Genuine Watchmen TV show, and not the work of an animation and writing genius. Everything about this video is dead on – all the Watchmen references it contains which twist the original story in ridiculous manners are just fantastic: Rorschach stroking the German shepherds, The Comedian fancying Silk Specter 2, Adrian catching the Comedian as he goes out the window, “John can give you cancer” – everything is just so well thought out, and it seems as though “Happy Harry” (a reference to Watchmen in itself) meticulously went through the comics, making notes of all the important character points, then turning them on their heads. The fact that some of the scenes look identical to panels from the comic, too – The Comedian going out the window couldn’t look more similar – also adds to the overall value of the video, and it is definitely worth a watch.


#4. Scientology is... Nice – Tim Cameron



I almost hesitate to include this video, as I am fully aware that the Church of Scientology have a bit of a reputation for scanning the internet looking for anyone who speaks out against them in any manner, and by listing this I may risk losing the chance of casting Tom Cruise in my movie “Dave Savage – One Man Against 4… Chan!”. However, Tim Cameron’s hilarious song, which in essence is about nothing more than the alleged rampant homosexuality present within the Church, definitely deserves a place on this list. Despite the fact that the song never actually says anything negative against either Scientology or Homosexuals, aside from likening the two, seems to have been lost on the majority of commenters on the song’s YouTube page, with a number of comments saying things along the lines of “what’s wrong with gay people? STFU fagzoar” – evidently missing the irony that the term fagzoar was invented as a derogatory term to describe homosexual Xbox users. What I believe the song actually refers to is a quote from scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard in which he said that gay people needed to be “disposed of”, and is playing on the classic analysis that those expressing the most hatred for homosexuals are often gay themselves. But I can’t be certain about that. Whatever the meaning, the song and video are both hilarious, and so are the comments left by contributors like “XenuSmurf”, who in response to the video states:

“Holy Shit!! I took an e-meter and stuck the cans between my thighs as I jerked off to a video of Tom Cruise, and the needle went crazy back and forth. I rock-slammed. I have evil intentions. If I was a Scilon, I'd be sent to the RPF slave camp where there is no Internet, no YouTube, no videos of Tom Cruise, no KY jelly. Horrors!!!”

Having never watched Battlefield Earth, most of this is over my head, but I appreciate the Sentiment.



#3. Opposites attract – Go Remy



The whole of this video, like Remy’s others, is incredibly well made, and he clearly put a lot of effort into doing it. However, the thing that really makes it for me is just one single line: “I can’t dance – she can’t vote”. Now, I know that the idea of women not having rights in a lot of Middle Eastern countries isn’t something to laugh at, but damn it – the way he works the line into the song is just plain genius, and had me laughing for ages the first time I heard it. The greenscreen and splitscreen work included in the video are incredible too, and very impressive for what must have been a very cheaply made video. The little references such as the Monopoly playset also help make the video what it is.

Scarily, looking up information about the Tigris (you’ll notice that’s where he works as a lifeguard in the video), I discovered that (and I quote): “In Sumerian mythology, the Tigris was created by the god Enki, who ejaculated and filled the river with flowing water” – that sounds about as bizarre as Japanese creation mythology!

Perhaps the greatest part of this video, however, is the beautiful poetry which can be found in the comments section. One commenter left this magnificent piece:

فالدُرُ في كنف المحار نفيســــه ... ولــــذاك يُقصد في المقام الأرفعِ
والدرّ في الأعماق يعظم قــــدرهُ ... ويزيدُ قــــدرا في المكان الأمنعِ

Which Microsoft Word’s “Translate” function informs me is Arabic for:

It potato in Oyster Naves e ... and that is intended primarily for higher and Alder in the depths of the greatest ability ... and more attracted where [No Results were found.]

Hmm… maybe it needed to be translated from Persian instead?


#2. I’ll Cut Myself – Death Car for Jimmy



I hate to mention Michael Swaim twice in one article (because you may give up on reading my stuff and go hang out on his Blog instead), but this video is certainly worth a mention. Not only is the song a perfect parody of the entire emo culture, but the music is actually good! I could quite happily listen to this as an actual song, rather than just a spoof. Combine this with the hilarious video, and you’re on to internet music gold! I love the long, slow shots, the way the camera slips in and out of focus, and the lingering tracking shots on Swaim’s face. The locations are also perfect – the train track, the escalator, the field – it’s all just so overwhelmingly emo! I would rank this above the music video Stewie makes in that one episode of family guy (which is bizarrely shown in Mirror Image in every YouTube video I can find of it - look at the writing) in terms of nailing music video clichés on the end – because it is so targeted, and knows exactly who it is parodying. Even the little MTV-style artist/track listing in the bottom corner at the start is perfect – the band being referred to as “Death Car for Jimmy”, a parody of famous emo group “Death Cab for Cutie”. Of course, some YouTube commenters have to go and ruin it for us all, reminding us that people cutting themselves is actually a very serious issue - Geez, way to go Captain Buzzkill… Why don’t you join the feminists on the Opposites Attract comments board and ruin even more peoples’ days?


#1. Sex Offender Shuffle – Scott Gairdner and Alfred Montejano



Somehow, this track inexplicably managed to lose in an online head-to-head with this random twilight video (which is admittedly amusing, just not quite on the same level) for best comedy music video on some site I was linked to but don’t frequent so have not remembered the name of. But this song has it all – the 80s, jokes about sex offenders, Laura Hughes… How do you top that? Sure, the concept isn’t quite up there with “That Guy from Nickleback – Private Eye”, but the execution of this project is flawless. The clothing and props fit the 80s Miami theme perfectly, set design is great and looks like it was shot in an actual studio, and the direction is brilliant. The introduction is hiralious, and looks almost as though it could be a genuine PSA, the lyrics themselves are funny and original, and you also get the feeling they must have had a lot of fun making it. Plus, checking the comments section for the video, it’s clear that, thanks to Mr. Gairdner and Co. 80s chic is coming back in, with more guys saying how hot they think “Laura Hughes” is than I’ve ever seen girl-related comments on a video before… Clearly having massive glasses and dressing like a guy’s mother is the best way to get him to notice you afterall…



As I already mentioned, this is just a list of my favourite such songs so far, and if you want me to watch a song/video you’re particularly fond of that you feel should have made the list, leave a link to it in the comments section, and I may include it in my next such list (in the event I make one).

Until next time.




Voice.